Random thought thread

Johnny-Jack wrote:I think I/we could be a good one, and I've worked with good ones, so I know for a fact they exist. Not perfect, never perfect, but really effective ones.

you and a couple others on this board are definitely the type that I would choose for a therapist! I think you'd make a good one.

I've contemplated changing my major to psychology even though I'm about to graduate...i guess once you're dealing with the issues yourself, it makes you want to help others going through similar things. But I don't know if I could deal with the attachment issues! Lol I'm afraid I would get too attached to clients and not want to see them go.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Under ice, have you identified what the postponement is about? Maybe make a list of what you're worried about? That a T can't help you, that they might even harm you, that you don't deserve that kind of help, that they won't like you, that you'll recall things you don't want to, that you might be locked away as crazy? These were and continue to be some of my concerns, even if I know they're based on childhood worries.

There are some really crappy, incompetent, or downright harmful Ts out there. I've had a couple and I totally understand why others on the board have stated "I will never see a therapist!" That's not what you're saying, of course, but you could have some unacknowledged concerns that are keeping you from the possibility of getting some really good help.

There are some excellent, compassionate, talented, and experienced Ts out there too. If I had the time, I'd go back and get appropriate credentials and become one myself to treat those with DID. Whoa there, partner, let's get our own house in order first! I think I/we could be a good one, and I've worked with good ones, so I know for a fact they exist. Not perfect, never perfect, but really effective ones.

Good question.
I think it's because regardless of my problems I've always managed my life rather well, although I've left behind a trail of unfinished study attempts as well as friendships, jobs and other activities that didn't last. Moreover, I only started to recognize my whole DID-ish pattern this spring, after I had to deal with two big stress factors in my life and got help from two psychological interventions, or what do you call them. Those weren't the first times, but this time I relied the therapist and I let my emotions and stuff out the way I never have, and it was upsetting because the number of sessions was so few and limited. I only mentioned about R on the last session, near the end of it. I also forgot to tell about a major episode of PTSD in 2008 until the last session. We ran out of time and I was left with only a recommendation to see a psychiatrist and seek therapy.

I never pictured myself as someone who goes to therapy. I've just always wanted to hide my vulnerability and so on. I've made myself believe I'm the most sensible person in this world, while in fact I was a tortured soul. All my life I've been told that I'm crazy, but for wrong reasons. They just wanted to hurt me as much as they could. Every time it happened I made a promise to toughen up a little more, and never to let that statement become true.
I know it's stupid to pretend to be unbreakable when you're broken to begin with.

Also my life situation has been very hectic with a new job and everything. I do lots of procrastination, even some things that I should be taking care of regularly. I've been telling myself I need to do them first.
It could be that I won't go until something external comes along again and I can't deal with it on my own. Things are running pretty well now when nothing's threatening me from the outside world.

I never pictured myself as someone who goes to therapy. I've just always wanted to hide my vulnerability and so on. I've made myself believe I'm the most sensible person in this world, while in fact I was a tortured soul.

Wow, if I had a buck for every time I've had that frame of mind or expressed those thoughts to myself. You've given lots of terrific feedback on this board, communicated with compassion and deep insights into people's issues and needs, shared your time to help others and effectively. You really deserve that sort of focus on yourself too. I'm saying that as someone who's in a doppelganger boat. I'm a strong independent grown-up, a professional, and a man to boot, I shouldn't need....yadda, yadda. It has helped immensely for a child inside to tell me, quite without rancor, we's messed up, you gotta fix us, we can't keep going on like this. It has put things in perspective, made me humbler. Even a child can see that we're not right and that we need help. (Okay, he's part of me/us, oh, don't get me started on that circular thinking.)

I know it's stupid to pretend to be unbreakable when you're broken to begin with.

Well, as you probably realize, stupid is heavily laden with negative connotations. Not that you weren't just making a point but the way one languages a thought can reveal hidden assumptions. As you say, much -- but not all -- of you is functioning well, so okay, maybe parts of your life, segments, were damaged and aren't functioning in a full or healthy way. All the more reason to get help with those. What would you recommend to a friend you knew was in a similar situation?

By the way, your discovery in the spring, past and recent "interventions", it not being the first time, and all the other stuff you mentioned sounds so similar to my stuff. One of the many reasons I come to this board.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Wow, if I had a buck for every time I've had that frame of mind or expressed those thoughts to myself. You've given lots of terrific feedback on this board, communicated with compassion and deep insights into people's issues and needs, shared your time to help others and effectively. You really deserve that sort of focus on yourself too. I'm saying that as someone who's in a doppelganger boat.

Thanks. I appreciate your words. Just lately I've crossed some invisible line and discovered to my astonishment that I've been able to encourage people here and talk about things in a more relaxed manner.

I'm a strong independent grown-up, a professional, and a man to boot, I shouldn't need....yadda, yadda.

This made me chuckle a little, although this sort of inner speech is a serious obstacle when you need help. I guess many board members have the same thing going on.

It has helped immensely for a child inside to tell me, quite without rancor, we's messed up, you gotta fix us, we can't keep going on like this. It has put things in perspective, made me humbler. Even a child can see that we're not right and that we need help. (Okay, he's part of me/us, oh, don't get me started on that circular thinking.)

I think that R came to me with a similar message. Since more than five years went by without me realizing that he is a part of me, I assume I'd better start considering doing something about it already.

I know it's stupid to pretend to be unbreakable when you're broken to begin with.

Well, as you probably realize, stupid is heavily laden with negative connotations. Not that you weren't just making a point but the way one languages a thought can reveal hidden assumptions. As you say, much -- but not all -- of you is functioning well, so okay, maybe parts of your life, segments, were damaged and aren't functioning in a full or healthy way. All the more reason to get help with those. What would you recommend to a friend you knew was in a similar situation?

You are right, but it's hard to take that perspective.
Also the possibility of my problems escalating in therapy at first makes me doubtful.

By the way, your discovery in the spring, past and recent "interventions", it not being the first time, and all the other stuff you mentioned sounds so similar to my stuff. One of the many reasons I come to this board.

I know what you mean. This forum is about the real thing.
My first attempt to understand what these phenomena are was to lurk on a new age discussion board and read everything about spirit guides. I joined that forum too and even made one very good IRL friend there (and we still continue to be friends), but I never found any good explanations for my experiences there. This site was immediately different. I don't remember how I found this but I'm glad I did.

It makes Alice upset when people are moody with each other. You know? ~Poppi~

Hi, Poppi, Alice didn't think we were being too moody did she? A lot of us who live with me do get moody but we try to get help and be helpful here on this board when we can be.
Hansel just said, "can I be moody?"
And John said, "you are always moody, Hansel, good-moody."
Hansel is laughing. A lot. No giggling. And I'm not even sure he understood but he liked that.

Me and my friend went to go see a movie yesterday!!!!!!It was really good. It's called 50/50. Have any of you guys seen it? It is funny but kinda sad too. We liked how the guy goes to see a therapist...but she wasn't a very good one We like ours better

It was strange; usually I cry at movies like that. Even my friend cried(and he usually doesn't cry at stuff like that). But I didn't cry at all. I almost felt as if I could relate to the man who was sick. Now, I am not equating my experience with cancer, in the least sense. But his feelings of hopelessness, these were what I could relate to. Also, his reaching out for help helped me realize (more)I'm not alone in feeling weak and needy for reaching out.

A well done film that we recommend. It is so healthy to laugh, and I am amazed at how I can now start paying attention to movies again. I was going into complete zone out mode there for several months whenever I tried to watch any kind of entertainment.

However, please read the reviews before you see it, since there are moments that I imagine can be very triggering for some.

Johnny-Jack....

I am so sorry, I had no idea Poppi posted that...

I doubt very much she was referring to anyone on this board. I THINK she was referring to our outside life?

But as I said, I had no idea Poppi posted that, sorry it has taken me a while to come across this...

Bourbon

Random thoughts for the morning.

Sarah wants to become a therapist who specializes in the treatment of DID. That should be right interesting now, don't you think? Particularly as she wants to stay multiple.

And she and I are in complete agreement. It would be really nice to have a movie about someone with DID who doesn't harbor a serial killer alter of some sort. It's beyond tiresome.


~Little Miss Margaret~

In my review at work, my boss told me that I need to have more open body language so that I'm more approachable. I know why I have closed body language and that's hard to get past, so I asked one of my coworkers who has easygoing body language for advice and try to mimic her. It's working. Things are going better overall, but it's still a constant battle not to wrap my arms around my body and turn away from everyone.