Random thought thread

My breakfast this morning: Life cereal, eggs and salsa wrapped in a tortilla, and...caramel ice cream.

I am not ashamed. I count calories obsessively(my old T called it a locus of control) so thankfully I am still well within my daily limit.

It was just SOOOO necessary(the ice cream I mean. Come on, they were buy one get one free, and it's caramel).

Breakfast. The BEST part of the day. Even if the rest of the day is going to be $h!++y, I still have breakfast to look forward to, every night when I go to sleep

Work 2pm to 11pm tonight, but I won't mind it cuz I have T to look forward to in the morning! Yay!

I am SERIOUSLY considering going trick or treating this year, as long as I wear a costume that hides the fact I'm an adult. If I let the little out enough, I'm sure I'll be quite convincing. Thoughts?

eww caramel lol

Not only kids are "allowed" to go trick or treating. I've never done it personally. Ever. But if you want to go, go!

I am SERIOUSLY considering going trick or treating this year, as long as I wear a costume that hides the fact I'm an adult. If I let the little out enough, I'm sure I'll be quite convincing. Thoughts?

OMG, Jack and I came up with the same idea of us going to a Halloween party as a hillbilly, him being there at the party! He wants to get out and do something fun with people so badly. I thought of posting the idea but it seemed so absurd. Glad you're as absurd as us! The problem is, he'd be interacting with my friends. It's one thing to play a part for a short while. I've done that many times with characters with different accents. The problem is that when he interacts with an adult, I see very quickly that he is a child. People respond to the body as they would to an adult. Sort of like when I say something in some foreign language I know a smattering of and my accent is good and the delivery fluid, so all of a sudden they speak to me as if I'm fluent.

But he has a child's capacity for understanding. And being hurt and confused and overwhelmed. And coming to a dead halt because of that. He cannot pull off an adult conversation, he's tried. I've tried to feed him lines from inside. It's never worked more than a sentence or two. So although he's imagined it in his mind, the reality would be far more challenging. I would have to come out and we could slip back and forth, but after a while, my friends would likely tire of his accent and the "persona" they would see me putting on, like, ok, enough. Then he might feel rejected, or more likely because he has a thick skin and I don't, I would feel my young friend was being rejected and I would get furious with my friends. Yeah, lots of potholes in that. Maybe a costume that made me look like a kid and go to a party where they don't know me? But his accent is real so they might wonder why is this person sticking to this pretend character? Or why does he seem so clueless? Maybe he's kind of retarded or something. Ugh.

If you think you can pull it off, I'd say go for it. If the little gets scared or whatever, you can always take over, right? I'd love to hear what happened if you do. I've thought of going to New York City where anything goes on Halloween night, but Jack is overwhelmed by city life, and NYC, not a good place to stick a kid, even if rescuable.

Dude you should totally do it! You could go to a halloween party where they didn't know you, and then they really couldn't say much about the accent. OR you could have Jack go as something else, not a hillbilly, and then people would think you just have that accent, not part of the costume/persona.

I recently let my friend talk me into going to something called a "burn." It's like a big hippie camping trip, where people from all over the country get together, dress up, and just have fun. Nobody judges anyone for anything. I'm nervous, but I know that the more "outgoing" ones will have a great time; it's also kind of an experiment to see who wants to come out.

I feel like a ZOO!

So far I have 18 Mother and Father introject Abusers and of 9 them are animals...

In order of most power... even though the Rat creeps me out the most!
Edit: Sir Rat and I are becoming buddies.

Lil' M - Mother Introject (human)
M the Elder - Mother Introject (human)
M - Mother Introject (human)
Peyton (Doom) - Mother Introject
Bear - Mother Introject
Gorilla - Father Introject
Sir Rat - Father Introject
M-Postpartum - Mother Introject (human)
With Glasses - Father Introject (human)
Lion - Father Introject
Snake - Mother Introject
Without Glasses - Father Introject (human)
Drunk - Father Introject (human)
Dragon - Mother Introject
Snake - Father Introject
Vulture - Mother Introject
Tarantula - Father Introject

Tylas, yep, that's a zoo, and I say that with humor because I know you can receive it as such! I have to say, although the abuse necessary to create your menagerie is tragic, it suggests to me that your mind is amazingly creative and resourceful. I only have one animal alter but, as you probably recall, he endured similar abuse as your drowned infant(s). Plus what I now believe is same-time daily ritualized abuse, ugh. I find him the most challenging to work with, because of the (for lack of better words) species barrier, but we're making some progress. You do have your work cut out for you.

Johnny-Jack wrote:Tylas, yep, that's a zoo, and I say that with humor because I know you can receive it as such! I have to say, although the abuse necessary to create your menagerie is tragic, it suggests to me that your mind is amazingly creative and resourceful. I only have one animal alter but, as you probably recall, he endured similar abuse as your drowned infant(s). Plus what I now believe is same-time daily ritualized abuse, ugh. I find him the most challenging to work with, because of the (for lack of better words) species barrier, but we're making some progress. You do have your work cut out for you.

Remember that magic that stopped my infant from drowning ~ magic skin? Yes, of course I remember the ways we are similar. I feel a strong connection to you. I smile every time I see your little boy avatar.
I gave that to my animal alters. They have a device that lets them talk like a human. They have to really, strongly believe in the magic for it to work. It might work for you too!

What's so cool is that these animals go back to the very first dreams I had of Snakes, a Vulture and a Dragon attacking me! Full Circle! I am glad you mine is so organized.

I really don't like rats though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll try that. I've only been able to call the wolfdog into the body once and once he was "flung" out front. The rest of the time it was only being triggered into the body. He's also only two years old so that may be a challenge as well. He is extremely traumatized but other littles know he's there and seem interested in being near him, helping him somehow (?), it's a sense I'm getting. Not surprising I suppose.

tylas wrote:I feel like a ZOO!

Well that does present a challenge for Halloween, doesn't it? As in, which one to choose! Ha ha. Eenie meenie minie mo? You could promise the others they'll each get their turn to appear as their self in a future year. Or you could go as the zookeeper.

I go with my kids. No one has a problem with that.

I made 200 cookies today. 100 stuck to the pan. I have no idea why.