Random thought thread

Oh that is sad and a great excuse to eat those that stuck.

-- Thu Oct 13, 2011 12:47 pm --

Una+ wrote:

tylas wrote:I feel like a ZOO!

Well that does present a challenge for Halloween, doesn't it? As in, which one to choose! Ha ha. Eenie meenie minie mo? You could promise the others they'll each get their turn to appear as their self in a future year. Or you could go as the zookeeper.

I go with my kids. No one has a problem with that.

I am the zoo keeper all ready! I have 5 kids and 4 kids that dress up!


As for me --- I hide in the house and hope no one comes while at the same time I hope a bunch come and eat all the candy so I don't!

Hey Tylas,

What about using your internal magic to give everyone glasses so that the scary ones appear as less scary when looking through them? For example, look at Sir Rat and he becomes a teeny tiny gerbil.

LittleRedDogToo wrote:Hey Tylas,

What about using your internal magic to give everyone glasses so that the scary ones appear as less scary when looking through them? For example, look at Sir Rat and he becomes a teeny tiny gerbil.

That's a good idea, but for now all the abusers are in their own safe place, safe from each other and away from the child alters. They don't just look scary. They sexually abuse, beat and drown the child alters.

Later after I can bring them together I think that is an Excellent suggestion!

Johnny-Jack wrote:Tylas, yep, that's a zoo, and I say that with humor because I know you can receive it as such! I have to say, although the abuse necessary to create your menagerie is tragic, it suggests to me that your mind is amazingly creative and resourceful. I only have one animal alter but, as you probably recall, he endured similar abuse as your drowned infant(s). Plus what I now believe is same-time daily ritualized abuse, ugh. I find him the most challenging to work with, because of the (for lack of better words) species barrier, but we're making some progress. You do have your work cut out for you.

Do you think so? I don't have childhood memories, so I don't know. I just know my Father is dead and he sexually abused his children and my Mother is hateful and mean, even today. Some in this group would argue that even though I have this array or number or alters than I was not abused more, but I read so much that is does mean this. I myself, do not know. All I know is that I am excellent at numbing!

What is same time "daily ritualized abuse". DID among men, from what I read is not as common with men as with women, therefore I must conclude that abuse was extreme or that men bury it like I did for so many years. Again, this is a generalization.

My animals are the persecutors so far, one each more powerful than the one before them.

Smiles are always better than complete erasures.

**triggers, specific abuse mentioned**

I'm not sure you were abused more. I'd be surprised if there weren't some correlation between number of alters and total incidents of abuse. But you've said you were abused very early, as I was, so likely the abuse started early, was bad, and continued. I have gotten the sense in flashbacks, some exhausting body flashbacks, some emotional terror flashbacks, that abuse happened at about the same time every day. I was tied down by my mother's vicious alter and tortured. Something about how the sun and the shadows on the wall combined and the terror built because I knew the time was coming for that day. That was the worst part, the waiting. Adam knew what was coming and felt so sad for the little wolfdog who had to be hurt. I sensed early the torture was somehow ritualized and happened perhaps hundreds of time. My memory is that the time was the same, roughly late morning to noon perhaps.

I think there are fewer men with DID, but not like a small fraction. A higher percentage of female children are sexually abused than male children and childhood sexual abuse is extremely common as a contributing cause of DID. Men tend to be more physically aggressive than women (no doubt the testosterone), to others and to themselves (male suicide success rates are much higher), so I have little doubt many with DID end up in prison. I know my system was terrified of any desire to express our rage at someone innocent like us (I think we knew we had those thoughts) and we scoured ourselves for it. I was lucky. Or perhaps it was because I saw a younger sibling abused and decided universally, we will never do that. I think it's a good bet men do bury things inside more often than women. I'm fairly certain men die of preventable illnesses more often than women because they don't seek medical attention as quickly as women. The work Abused Boys points out how difficult it is for males to admit that they were sexually abused by other males.

Johnny-Jack wrote: I'd be surprised if there weren't some correlation between number of alters and total incidents of abuse. But you've said you were abused very early, as I was, so likely the abuse started early, was bad, and continued.

Yeah, from birth and constant it seems, but I am not positive. Abuse was by both parents - without a doubt.

Johnny-Jack wrote:"I have gotten the sense in flashbacks, some exhausting body flashbacks, some emotional terror flashbacks, that abuse happened at about the same time every day. I was tied down by my mother's vicious alter and tortured. Something about how the sun and the shadows on the wall combined and the terror built because I knew the time was coming for that day. That was the worst part, the waiting. Adam knew what was coming and felt so sad for the little wolfdog who had to be hurt. I sensed early the torture was somehow ritualized and happened perhaps hundreds of time. My memory is that the time was the same, roughly late morning to noon perhaps."

Have you directly asked those inside about this. Do they answer your questions?

I noticed a new insider yesterday and didn't forget him for the first time. I mean, I realized he's been there for a long time, but up until yesterday I've always forgotten about him instantly after he's been active. He always does the same thing when he wakes up, certain "awakening movement" on the left side of my body, and he's very large. When he did that movement and we became co-conscious for a while, I knew he's been there like ages. So far he hasn't said anything. His presence is as vivid as R's, the two of them seem more independent and separate than the rest of the lot.

In other news, I referred to myself as "us" when I was talking to a workmate. It probably happens to most of you guys on a regular basis, but not to me. I don't think of myself as "we", and I haven't even tried to say it aloud alone to test it. But as I had said it I realized that I was not only saying it, I was thinking it. I was talking about our specs . I also realized that whenever I'm taking care of my health, I'm doing it for all of us. I mean, it's rather important.

I just looked at the Wikipedia page on DID and noticed this at the end of the DID symptoms and signs list:

A compulsive need to align spaces and objects

I've never heard of that one, is it a joke?
Because I have that, along with the need to arrange things and spaces symmetrically.

How can a part of DID be a need to align spaces???? That sounds as false and wrong as one can get!