How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Anxious today. The weekend is coming up and I feel like I always waste it sleeping. I sleep all day on Saturdays, but this Saturday I can't. I have some stuff I have to do. That makes me anxious too. The only place I feel safe is in my bed.

I've been in a deep depression for almost 2 years now. I go to work, go to therapy, go to AA, and sleep. I see friends every once in a while, but not every weekend. It just feels like most of the people here on the forum are handling life at a much higher level than I am. I have so much shame and guilt and self-loathing.

I'm in treatment for cPTSD, depression, and DID.

J

Hi,

So we promised somebody we'd do something and we didn't. Then we got caught. I'm super angry at that person who's like - 'You said you'd do it so just do it already'. Host says we have to stop acting like a teenager who doesn't like authority. But I am a TEENAGER!!! And (news flash) I HATE authority. Why doesn't Host understand?? Adults with authority are f-ing dangerous!

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Hi,
Adults with authority are f-ing dangerous!

Iain

I am so hearing you on this. yes they are. yes, they ######6 are.

Been feeling tired and dizzy and just generally spacey all day long.

Can't seem to find any motivation or energy to do anything really.

It was beautiful outside today and we went for a walk.

We did laundry. Two freaking humongous loads that had built up for longer than we'll admit and ended up filling six small laundry bags. We've been known to buy more clothes rather than do laundry.

The vast majority, thanks to Allegra and some others, is folded and put away, except a few hang-dryables and a dozen or so double-A slingshots.

Too much information? [Allegra: Yes.]

Anyhoo, beats staying in bed all day in the pit of depression.

Laura and others (not liking work but definitely not liking depression)

I seem to be having one of those rapid switching days, with my perspective/feelings/beliefs changing completely from one moment to the next. And then I keep coming back to feeling like I don't want to BE like this. I don't want this to be true. Because I don't think I can survive what it takes to try to change. I think that first therapy was too damaging and a lot of what I did in my life after that was in response to that trauma--it affected the decisions I made because I think different parts took over after that. Less rational and more emotional (angry, easily upset, younger) parts. And I think some parts just gave up on ever having what they wanted or needed.

Well, maybe I'll feel more hopeful about this tomorrow.

[TW: medical stuff]

We have to get a medical test done today. It's not gonna hurt, but it is gonna involve being vulnerable and being touched and looked at by total strangers. It's to see if we need to have an operation later.

[we need the operation, the test is to figure out how bad we need it]

Since I have the least amount of anxiety I'll be the one who's there. I'm probably going to be the one who handles all the medical stuff etc because I can cope with strangers and people better than anyone else.

Others are getting uptight now. Last night we had trouble getting to sleep, first time in months we've had any insomnia. I could feel little waves of fear but wasn't sure who it was from.

-V2

There are things I want to talk about, but the word thing is hard and I am afraid of people.

Slept better than usual, but woke up at 4:30 am to realized we'd thrown the covers off and were feeling the effects of a slightly chilly bedroom. Trying to prevent a full-blown cold.

The latest Snowmageddon didn't affect our area that badly, knock on wood.

Laura and others