How are you today thread (trigger warning)

MakersDozn wrote:Thanks, Daria. So far, so good.

MDs

good to hear
I am struggling with all kinds of hard feelings.
a year ago... we had a difficult phase. memories of that are coming up.
mostly memories of relationships, break ups, loss, all therapy related.
when I front I cry a lot and get little done.

Anniversary's of things can be a real challenge and, well, suck.

We have been battling anxiety/fear for some time now. We were up pretty late last night in a poor emotional state; crying, but managed to get up early and make the positive choice to get up and go to the Centre and ended up participating in an excellent peer support group (yay!) despite switching a couple of times during group (we don't think anyone noticed).

Kind of pissed.

Just for the record.

'Alter' does NOT mean 'Demented Serial Killer About to Murder Everybody' (Except maybe the jerk who's going around saying stupid sh*t like that! Don't tempt me assh*le!)

Colin

Having another massive surge of self-doubt and uncertainty. What if it's not DID. what if I'm just faking but I can't even tell? What if the amnesia is just that I don't pay attention? What if the other parts and switches are imagination or some other psychological problem? Maybe it's just from reading too much here, too many books and stuff, and putting ideas in my head.

Also feeling a huge surge of fear, like almost sick to my stomach amount of fear, along with the doubting and questioning and I don't know why. I think I'm afraid my T thinks I'm a faker or something. Maybe everyone thinks it. That's probably why my mum and sister are so dismissive, they don't believe any of this.

I hate this.

In our experience self-doubt is pretty darn common. As for fear, we have been having episodes of intense fear for some time now, the source of which comes from our newest little alter, Aura. It is becoming exhausting.

We have also learned that two friends of ours can tell when we switch (?!) We thought only a handful of people could tell. They say we 'get smaller', that our voice changes, we won't maintain eye contact, and we look scared.

so yeah I'm trying to buy a house.

it's a mind ###$ for a commitment phobe.

I'm stillsecond guessing myself. crazy? or crazy like a fox. I still don't know.

Thanks littleDaria. I'm still onverwhelmed with the fear. And feel like crying but can't. I'm afraid everything is a lie, but I don't remember lying. It's all too much. Did I just think I have DID because of all the reading and stuff? But I don't think I started reading about this till after I suspected it. Nothing makes sense. I don't have anyone I can talk to or turn to. Friends live so far away and are always so busy and family would probably be happier if i was faking and it was over now. I don't know if I want to talk to someone or if I want to just curl up and disappear.

BeccaBee wrote:so yeah I'm trying to buy a house.

it's a mind ###$ for a commitment phobe.

I'm stillsecond guessing myself. crazy? or crazy like a fox. I still don't know.

Hearing you. We're not having very much luck yet finding a co-op apartment to buy.

On top of that, our agent is going to be unavailable for two weeks. He's an Exclusive Buyer Agent, so we can't go to anyone else, and he has to do all the negotiating. Theoretically we could look at the major online listings, but (1) our agent receives all current info via a listings app that he uses, and (2) we couldn't follow up without him anyway.

MDs

Managed to get ahold of a friend and she talked me through stuff. I kind of wonder if the denial / doubt stuff is another part, because I don't remember most of the conversation. It's like I just sort of faded into it for the last part of the call, as the fear and sadness faded away. Before that I just remember bits and pieces.

BeccaBee, good luck and I hope it works out for you. Our previous host bought a house and we're grateful to her for that. There's responsibility and maintenance and stuff, but there's also just so much peace of mind and sense of safety being in a place that's all your own.

MakersDozn, sorry to hear you're having so much trouble finding a place. Having to wait those two weeks must be frustrating. I guess there's noone to cover for this guy while he's away?

-V1

We don't have therapy today because the T is away, and it's hard on the littles. I'm fine with waiting until next Friday, because things were kind of intense earlier this week. We were really upset by something that happened when I saw him on Tuesday, but the littles are over it and just miss him and the Friday routine.

Also, they are starting to be more vocal about wanting to tell the T about things that are bothering them, that open up areas that I'm not ready to tell him about. Time for a discussion in the journal, I guess...