How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Really pleased to hear from you Blogjects. Especially please to hear you are a bit better and able to do more things. Big stuff going of for you still though. W


We can hear you Sara and wishing you some respite.

Hi we are new to this thread. I hope you don't mind a Little talking. I am not really little.

LittleMie work is so hard. We can't do it much but I get scared when we don't have much money.

Blogjects scary to be reminded of that person. I hope you are ok.

Nightmares suck! We have them almost every night.

I have been front all day. I am really happy today. But just a minute ago Claire and me were bored cuz we didn't feel like watching hockey so we let Heather take over and she was really mad! It felt terrible so she went back in so I could keep being happy. I played with beads all day today. I bought some new ones in the morning then sorted and organized in the afternoon and then made a bracelet. Claire likes it too. She says Terrin likes it too. I don't know her. I think whoever is happy should be in front. Is that wrong?
Sarey

dissociating right now sorry if worded weirdly

went to T today thinking he would be in but it turns out he was out on vacation and forgot to tell me. things just haven't been going well. really starting to wonder when we'll ever talk about my DID symptoms. i was so nervous today. never brought it up with anyone before always been told to hide everything. a little disappointed that we didn't get to see him but also kind of relieved.

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been really stressed out. abuser confirmed that she does indeed have another tumor and she's going to need surgery. it just ######6 sucks. the last time traumatized me no doubt. don't see how anyone could not be traumatized with the things she did. telling me she hated me and dad and crying crying crying in front of me trapping me in a room forcing me to touch her even though i didn't want to. it was awful.

---------- **END TRIGGER WARNING** ----------

oh yeah we also changed one of our alter's names... at least we're trying to right now. afraid that people will harass us because of his name. so we're changing it. he's going by ash now, unless he thinks of a different name. i feel dumb for not realizing this sooner.

found this in my phone: "where am i? i don't feel real. write down what i'm feeling? i don't like this."

???

UGH i'm still upset about the T. i talked with dad about possibly seeing a new one. i couldn't tell him i wanted to see a T that specializes in trauma. instead we agreed i could pick out the new T. hopefully abuser doesn't try to ruin it. i just want to get the help we need.

- derek

We had a couple days off from work and it got kind of bad. I guess it's pretty sad that we're better when we're working. Time off always sounds good but then things start falling apart. Work will straighten this out. We'll get it together for work. This means no time off and that s*cks!

Our T is on vacation and that's probably why things are creeping up on us again. I kind of thought we had some stuff fixed but maybe we didn't.

Iain

Sometimes I will still feel like I am normal. or ok. but now I know, I really know, that I am not. not really.

4 days off work! yes, yes, yes! house time, me time, rest time, kid time, movies, coloring, books, naps!!!!! I could stay home forever and ever. I hate work. I am worse when I have to go work and deal with people. lorazepam daily is helping so much though. so, so, so much. I am better than I have been in a long long time.

the thing about getting better though....is like...well it is sort of hanging over you isn't it? knowing that it can and will get worse again. I guess that is something to deal with. and just love this time more.

but for all those having tough times. it will get better. I know it. 2013-2014 even into 2015 was really sucking for me. complete life implosion disaster. but I got better. and I know you will to. because that is a constant in life. things change. always.

I have been thinking about Big B and little b lately. I guess it's been a long time now. since the concussion in august. I guess maybe they were just tired. we do take turns.

when I get enough money I am going to go clothes shopping because I don't have any! and get some makeup and grow out my hair. and I think I want to dye it something new. maybe when I get this new job. *if* it is still an *if* but I am hoping so hard.

I think it is ok to do this stuff since we are taking turns you know? new apartment, new car, new job, new clothes. I just hope it all works out. I don't want anybody to get mad at me. .....I am the one who gets mad though. when my stuff gets thrown away. I do a really good job but they are not always appreciating the rules and stuff. I am going to work on being nicer on the inside. relax a little more. we all have strengths. that's what the teamwork is all about!

BeccaBee wrote:4 days off work! yes, yes, yes! house time, me time, rest time, kid time, movies, coloring, books, naps!!!!! I could stay home forever and ever.

Way to go! Sounds like a well deserved break. I got all my time request denied because we are so understaffed. BLEHH

is it just us or is there NEVER enough time...
cleaning, shopping, laundry, food, coloring, kickboxing, the day is gone! and there is still someone wanting to read the teenage fantasy book and someone who has been waiting to see the nutcracker movie since christmas!
never being able to satisfy everyone gives me a sense of failure. i keep missing how much we got done.

Finally made it out of 2016. Really glad... I want to jump just thinking about it. Feels like I can finally move forward from all the pain, frustration, and general chaos of the past four months. So much agony. but it was worth it. Because now I sit taller on the throne of my life, made more wise and noble by my suffering. haha. That sounds so weird when I put it that way. but I'm so glad it's over.

I can't wait to get out of this house and town and open up, let everyone else have a chance to see the sun... stop trying to make it "my life" and start trying to make it "our life". It's hard for us to be anybody but myself right now. I have to manage so many different things... as if my whole future depends on this moment. It doesn't, but the pressure is there. Nerve-wracking. But I know everyone in our system is here for me. And soon I'll have the chance to be there for them instead of trying to handle it all myself.

The agenda for today was... to go to a New Year's Eve party, and finish my college applications. And guess who did both? (: I started freaking out and feeling unreal before the party, but once my friends got there, it was smooth sailing. I don't usually derealize so it's always scary when it starts happening. But I am anchored by others outside.

My college applications... my admissions essay was the bomb. A friend helped me edit it. Made it into a real 350-word jewel. Paid both applications off and sent them through. Now all I have to do is get my documents sorted and wait... I'm so excited. And I know Serenade will scream (in the good way) if I get in. (:

Hoping everyone is well. The holidays may be awful. But we're coming out of them now. It's a new year. A new calendar. Maybe many changes, maybe just a few. But always surviving, with hope of thriving.
Host (:

I ######6 hate people. I ######6 hate people, and neighbors, and loving in town.

me and the kid did not go to sleep until 3am:
bitch next to me had a pity party with her bass thumping until her husband came home at 2am.
ratchet ass downstairs neighbors had their ratchet friends over hollering in the ######6 parking lot and slamming the dumpster.
hillbilly in the adjacent lot firing guns and fireworks and his dogs howling.

I know WHY I moved closer to town. but ###$ having neighbors.

I do have a 2017 goal. I am buying a ######6 house. sick of this overpriced rental market. either a 45 minute commute or ratchet ass neighbors?

"###$ no, not today, thank you kindly".

I think after all the places I have lived, I finally have a comprehensive lists of what I NEED in a home. and I am going to make it happen.

I am a tenacious #####&. and I am not letting go of this bone. I wanted to kill those assholes. not. good.

2017. no more assholes.

Neighbours can be a mixed blessing. If there are no blessings just hassle then that is really tough. Glad we don't have guns generally in this country. BeccaBee you are so tenacious I know you will succeed in your plan to move to your own home.

I have my own home and am glad about this. The only problem is once you move in you are stuck with it without the whole hassle of selling up and sometimes you don't know what sort of c**p you are going to have to face until you have moved in. On the plus it gives some roots and your money stays with you - is not given to a landlord.

Hope you have got some relaxing done on your days off.