what's on your mind? (off-topic thread)

Had one of the best days at work yesterday.
Only because my two co-workers were s'hitty with each other. The tension between them caused them both to remain silent for the entire day !
Sweet bliss, long may you last.

^I found constant chattering at work distracting for the most part. I had a manager that would constantly want to talk and then would get very angry if I did not participate in the conversation despite trying to focus and meet deadlines.

My blood pressure is very low at the moment and I am not sure at this point what exactly to do about it. I have increased my salt intake.

I'm debating whether I should finally lock up my account and move on from the forum. I've really liked it here, but I'm not sure my remaining problems really fit a personality disorder (if my problems ever did).

More practically, it's looking like I may be involved with people IRL that like to data-mine things or run stylistic analysis on papers. I'm concerned that if I stay active and Google doesn't lose my posts in the pile, there's a chance someone might stumble into connecting my posts here to my work IRL. It wouldn't be the end of the world if they did; everything I've written here, I either stand by or can explain as part of an evolving view. The simple fact that it's on a PD forum though would make things real awkward.

That's just my current expectation though; I still don't have a job lined up, and even if I finally do, I'm not expecting to start anything until at least February. So I'm going to be around at least a little longer, and I wouldn't just disappear without a farewell post.

NPC wrote:Anyone familiar with the feeling that you're not supposed to be in a certain place?

Sometimes, while I'm outside my apartment in places like my class and even the bus station, I begin to have an uncomfortable feeling that I'm not supposed to be there, something that I would describe as feeling "not home". For example, during my classes, I can feel that I'm "foreign" to this place.

Das Unheimlich!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny#Sigmund_Freud

I guess it matters exactly how you feel foreign though (I totally sympathize by the way). If it's more of a sadness, I think the other posters are right that you're essentially feeling a keen moment of alienation. If it's more of an anxious, spooky feeling though, then "the uncanny" is probably what you're describing.

emillionth wrote:Is there anything in life that you can pursue which has both good motives and good outcomes, and which at the same time feels rewarding to pursue? Or is this triple combination simply impossible?

For some weird reason, this reminded me of Hamlet:
http://shakespeare.mit.edu/hamlet/hamle ... l#speech65

emillionth wrote:I find that... the only way for those things (or their natural sequence) to stay compelling is if you never question them. You just go on living your life forever trying to one-up your big brother and not realizing that that's what you're doing.

It's a weird thing. For example, I remember that computer coding could be a lot of fun, and I miss that. But it's an activity that doesn't exist without a goal beyond the activity itself. For the creation process to be rewarding, you need to believe that you're solving a problem. And nowadays I question whether it's even any good for any new computer programs to be created. Because there's no problem that can't be solved by machines -- and then be made worse than before by people.

One question that I often ask myself is: "Is it even a good idea at all to embrace that kind of desire to be bigger than myself? Or is living life one small thing at a time the only sensible way to live?"

I was recently going through an "ah, what's the point" phase in life too, like "if humanity will quite probably go extinct someday, what's the ultimate point of anything in human life?" I think I found a perspective that works for me though.

emillionth wrote:I guess the next iteration of the question is: "Is it possible to overcome rather than satisfy the need to believe in something?"

Actually, while I think you can apply that approach to details, there's sort of this basic choice beneath it all: Do you believe the world is real and meaningful, or is it an illusion (or some complicated mix of the two)? Both are ultimately beliefs, but I think any choice you take implies one or the other.

muaddib wrote:I'm debating whether I should finally lock up my account and move on from the forum. I've really liked it here, but I'm not sure my remaining problems really fit a personality disorder (if my problems ever did).

Welcome back muaddib. Sorry, but you're here for life.

More practically, it's looking like I may be involved with people IRL that like to data-mine things or run stylistic analysis on papers. I'm concerned that if I stay active and Google doesn't lose my posts in the pile, there's a chance someone might stumble into connecting my posts here to my work IRL. It wouldn't be the end of the world if they did; everything I've written here, I either stand by or can explain as part of an evolving view. The simple fact that it's on a PD forum though would make things real awkward.

Simple:

muaddib wrote:I was recently going through an "ah, what's the point" phase in life too, like "if humanity will quite probably go extinct someday, what's the ultimate point of anything in human life?" I think I found a perspective that works for me though.

Namely... ?

Actually, while I think you can apply that approach to details, there's sort of this basic choice beneath it all: Do you believe the world is real and meaningful, or is it an illusion (or some complicated mix of the two)? Both are ultimately beliefs, but I think any choice you take implies one or the other.

Both can be beliefs, but it's only inevitable that they are assumptions. Beliefs are necessarily held as true, but assumptions don't have to be.

Lines are blurred at the moment and I am struggling to identify myself for who I am now rather than who I was. My personality has changed drastically over the past year. I have become a caring, considerate and thoughtful person rather than the selfish and egotistical person I was. The contrast is vast and it makes searching within myself difficult. Do I measure from the person I am now, which is so new that I am not sure if it could even be considered valid or do I measure from whom I was in the past even though I no longer behave in that fashion?

I think the correct answer is to measure from who I am currently however I think I am struggling to let go of the person that I was.

muaddib wrote:More practically, it's looking like I may be involved with people IRL that like to data-mine things or run stylistic analysis on papers. I'm concerned that if I stay active and Google doesn't lose my posts in the pile, there's a chance someone might stumble into connecting my posts here to my work IRL.

That's frightening

naps wrote:

muaddib wrote:I'm debating whether I should finally lock up my account and move on from the forum. I've really liked it here, but I'm not sure my remaining problems really fit a personality disorder (if my problems ever did).

Welcome back muaddib. Sorry, but you're here for life.

Oh, well in that case, never mind.

naps wrote:

muaddib wrote:It wouldn't be the end of the world if they did; everything I've written here, I either stand by or can explain as part of an evolving view. The simple fact that it's on a PD forum though would make things real awkward.

Simple:

That's one way to take the bull by the horns. I just figured if it ever did come up, I would be like, "Wait, wuuuuut? You all just assume you're not crazy?! You know who always just assumes they're sane: crazy people."

Philonoe wrote:

muaddib wrote:More practically, it's looking like I may be involved with people IRL that like to data-mine things or run stylistic analysis on papers. I'm concerned that if I stay active and Google doesn't lose my posts in the pile, there's a chance someone might stumble into connecting my posts here to my work IRL.

That's frightening

Yup, that's the world we live in. It's far from some 100% accurate, Minority Report thing, but someone with a little statistics and programming background can do a lot with all the data floating around nowadays. The ultimate problem isn't the data-mining though, it's the way people with power over you can use it.

emillionth wrote:

muaddib wrote:Actually, while I think you can apply that approach to details, there's sort of this basic choice beneath it all: Do you believe the world is real and meaningful, or is it an illusion (or some complicated mix of the two)? Both are ultimately beliefs, but I think any choice you take implies one or the other.

Both can be beliefs, but it's only inevitable that they are assumptions. Beliefs are necessarily held as true, but assumptions don't have to be.

I think I've had this discussion before on the forum, but I like the Pragmatist's idea of belief. I just take it as anything you don't have certain knowledge of but are still willing to act on. So if you're acting as if your choices in the world have some ultimate value, then you implicitly believe it; if you're renouncing the world, you implicitly believe it's an illusion to be renounced.

That said, I have trouble getting motivated even though I don't think my beliefs are getting in the way so I'm starting to think belief is necessary but not sufficient to find value in action.

emillionth wrote:

muaddib wrote:I was recently going through an "ah, what's the point" phase in life too, like "if humanity will quite probably go extinct someday, what's the ultimate point of anything in human life?" I think I found a perspective that works for me though.

Namely... ?

Pretty much, it's a weird mix of philosophies that leads to two conclusions:

1. There is a sort of soul/will that persists after death (it's not the psychological self though)
2. Nothing we do lasts in the world, but it reflects on the soul in a way that does

So tossing in some other things, it's not so crazy that think there is a reason to act well in the world. The world also tests the quality of our actions through its effects, but more like in Zen Buddhism, the ultimate value isn't the world-effect, it's the soul-effect of something done well....

Yes, I'm weird.

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:Lines are blurred at the moment and I am struggling to identify myself for who I am now rather than who I was. My personality has changed drastically over the past year. I have become a caring, considerate and thoughtful person rather than the selfish and egotistical person I was. The contrast is vast and it makes searching within myself difficult. Do I measure from the person I am now, which is so new that I am not sure if it could even be considered valid or do I measure from whom I was in the past even though I no longer behave in that fashion?

I think the correct answer is to measure from who I am currently however I think I am struggling to let go of the person that I was.

Keep going. Don't look back. It's really encouraging to read this.

Muaddib : You all just assume you're not crazy?! You know who always just assumes they're sane: crazy people."

Yes..
Am always amazed at 'normal' people who do not recognise their own dysfunction. Perhaps this mind-set spares them suffering.