what's on your mind? (off-topic thread)

Festivity excesses drain me.
Running low on giving validation f*cks to those who seem to expect more from me.

The work party over, now just personal stuff left.
By next year I'm going to be sitting in a corner without even a twitch left on my face or a syllable left in my voice box.

I cancelled on everything tonight.
I'm going to turn off my phone have a beer and stay inside.

Let em freak out. F*ck santa. I'm a melting snowman; my pebbles for eyes sliding off, my head sinking into my liquefying body. I'm turning into a puddle. Maybe I'll freeze over completely and people can look into me and see themselves better. I am so tired of this dancing tangle. How did I get so involved again.

I just want to be with my opposite instead of all this crap. We could hold hands and lie down on the tiles and stare at the ceiling in silence until this passes. Maybe soon I'll look back on this with compassion. I can't imagine it.

Bought the family a Nintendo Switch. I got into Legend of Zelda and got far enough to realize how big the game is. Now I'm not sure if I have the stamina to keep going. I'm more of a get in and get out gamer or spend my life in it. I haven't quite figured out how to find a fine line, if there is one. Last Christmas, I spent 80% of my time in Forza Horizon 3. It is a get in and get out game but I killed a lot time also.

Santa gave me a cold for Christmas. Fat bastard!

Wondering if detachment, disconnectedness and aloofness is actually a defense mechanism to protect against a propensity towards an overly sentimental attachment to people , places, events...etc..
Perhaps, deep down , the schizoid actually has attachment issues; is too 'all or nothing' and unable to adopt a moderate approach.

I rarely get sick but I see it as an opportunity to do nothing. All obligations off the table. Probably has less meaning if you are single.

I'm pretty sure attachment issues are a core part of the Schizoid disorder. A coping mechanism gone awry. It's not always a bad thing but in a social world, not ideal. For me, I think part of it was being let down. Unwilling to accept the flawed world? It didn't fit my imaginary world. I guess I was supposed to accept it and align worlds. Instead, I detached and decided to stay in my own.

There is more to me like lacking a strong ego but I'm not sure if it applies to being Schizoid. I wonder if it applies to my imaginary world. Maybe my father was a narcissist so I decided the ego had no place in my world. My brother says he is. My recollection of my parents is skewed by a poor memory and my perception through rose colored glasses. A way to distance myself from reality? Don't get me wrong, I see the flaws in my father but in the last 20 years, I may have talked to him like 15 times so I don't really know the person he is. I get curious from time to time when my mental health deteriorates but considering what I do know about him, not sure what I'd actually gain.

The Treasury, Foreign Office and Home Office, and where power in the UK really resides.

I think at times, my dark humour and bleak moods makes others feel better about themselves.
In that way I am inspirational.
One doesn't need to be a do-gooder or charity worker spreading false hope, as a means to contribute to society.

You should be a demotivational poster writer.

Thinking about getting a growler. I've accepted my fate and it seems like the appropriate decision right now. It's the one thing I know I enjoy.

Holodeck wrote::D You should be a demotivational poster writer.

It is important to focus on our strengths