Check in: Hypersexuality

An important aspect of psychotherapy is education, to help the client learn about, accept, and cope with problems that may seem abnormal to others but are normal within the context of the client's condition. One of these problems is hypersexuality.

Hypersexuality is common in individuals with a history of childhood sexual abuse.

In individuals with DID, hypersexuality tends to be a problem for one alter but not others. The host personality (alter) may experience discrete, sharply bounded periods of extreme sexual urges and/or behaviors; these periods occur when the hypersexual alter is activated and blends with or floods the host, and stop abruptly when the alter is locked up or retreats into hiding. In a client whose DID has not yet been diagnosed, these periods of hypersexuality may be mistaken as a symptom of bipolar disorder.

Wikipedia: Hypersexuality

Una, is it uncommon for someone who is DID and who does not have a history of childhood sexual abuse to be hypersexual? I'm not hypersexual on a regular basis, but certain people who I've dated have triggered this in me. It's like, I need sex or I'm going to die - so give it to me now! I've overwhelmed certain partners with my almost obsessive need for sex. And yet I have no history of childhood sexual abuse (that I'm aware of). Can it come from somwhere else other that sexual abuse?

I was hypersexual as a kid

I know as a kid I used to jump my friends and try to force to have kiss me because I was under the misguided notion that that was how to express love. I'm actually pretty ashamed to admit that.

V is very, very sexual. I'm not sure if that's because of her animalistic nature or because of her experiences. Some of the others like sex, or the idea of it, but I could live without it and, I think, be okay for the rest of my life.

I experienced a period of sexual hyperarousal (hypersexuality) last year, not long before I found out about my DID. It went on for about 9 months, and at its height it was very distressing and began to disrupt my daily life. For example, I would wake in the middle of the night to find myself in a state of extreme sexual arousal and crazed with lust. No amount of sex would quench the arousal or satisfy the craving. Like many people suffering from this sexual hyperarousal, I began to medicate myself with alcohol. Alcohol helped somewhat, but of course it had all the usual undesirable side effects.

My hyperarousal began at first sight of a man I met in the course of work. I want to stress that at no time did the man do or say anything to cause this. It is common for persons experiencing this problem to attribute the cause to the other person, and at times I did think he was responsible. It also was chronic. At first my hyperarousal was entirely somatic: an inexplicable physical arousal not connected with any emotions or thoughts. The arousal was largely sexual but there was fear as well. This too is normal. Arousal of the autonomic nervous system is responsible for both sexual arousal and fear. For several months I did not even connect my arousal with the man, but further chance contacts with him were followed by increased arousal and equally inexplicable emotions and, eventually, by memories of previous contacts with the man. Ultimately I also had thoughts too. Strangely, however, the thoughts tended to go only so far, and then would abruptly stop, as if not under my control. For example, I could not imagine having a sexual relationship with the man. I tried to imagine that, but every time he rejected me.

My hyperarousal stopped within weeks of my beginning to figure out what was happening to me. I joined a support group for people suffering from limerence. Using what I learned there, I had a very painful conversation with the man, during which I disclosed an infatuation for him (he did not reciprocate) and I heard myself talking about feelings of attachment for him that was somehow like my feelings for my newborn babies, and about being "not myself." I also felt very threatened by him, but I did not tell him that. A few weeks later during another conversation with the man I became aware of the presence of my Alter 1 and Alter 2, and Alter 2 spoke in my mind. That experience sent me into therapy, and during the first session I gave a history that was point for point consistent with having DID. I knew nothing about DID and the therapist did not enlighten me.

I then had a very powerful dream involving the man, which I now think is about my alters wanting to integrate with me. A few weeks later during a therapy session Alter 2 took executive control, pushing me "into the back passenger seat" (co-presence). When I got home I searched online using keywords such as "possession" and "executive control" and within minutes I knew I have DID.

The sexual hyperarousal came from my Alter 1; see Alter in love was a mystery to me.

Wikipedia: A General Theory of Love
Wikipedia: Chemical basis for love
Wikipedia: Limerence

-- Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:58 pm --

brandic wrote:Una, is it uncommon for someone who is DID and who does not have a history of childhood sexual abuse to be hypersexual? [...] And yet I have no history of childhood sexual abuse (that I'm aware of). Can it come from somewhere else other that sexual abuse?

Caroline, I don't know. Like you, I am not aware of having a history of sexual abuse in early childhood, when DID originates. I do not remember my early childhood, however, and I do have a history of sexual abuse in my pre-teen and teen years from perpetrators outside my family, and of hiding the abuse from my family. My response to the earliest abuse I do remember was just as peculiar as my usual response in adulthood: I take control of the situation and outwit or even dominate the perpetrator.

Apparently, I have had episodes of hypersexuality in my adulthood too, very much like what you described Una. The rest of the time I'm mostly hypo- or asexual, not sure about the terminology here, and that can last for a very long time.

I always feel like I'm imprisoned when it comes to my sexuality! I prefer being asexual, but it causes trouble in social situations and I'm very touchy if someone approaches me then.

And then there was the 'gay man' era when R introduced himself.

Oh $#%^.

Una - I experienced a period of sexual hyperarousal (hypersexuality) last year, not long before I found out about my DID. It went on for about 9 months, and at its height it was very distressing and began to disrupt my daily life. For example, I would wake in the middle of the night to find myself in a state of extreme sexual arousal and crazed with lust. No amount of sex would quench the arousal or satisfy the craving. Like many people suffering from this sexual hyperarousal, I began to medicate myself with alcohol. Alcohol helped somewhat, but of course it had all the usual undesirable side effects.

I seem to have at least 2 ANP's. One has no emotion and little fear and has a horrible sense of humor and the other is afraid, clingy, needy, emotional mess that is highly sexual - most men's fantasy type - well except the clingy, needy, emotional mess part. My T and husband can tell which is which. If I am rambling on talking and go blank, its a sure sign. On this site you see my non-emotional and poor joke part mostly. Been there with the sexual issues for the parts of my life I was not in Mommy Mode, except now. I have finally realized that I don't need it. It was to please men and to create exciting feelings for myself. I was also addicted to falling in love. Everything had to be crazy passionate. Then I had to work to look great. The whole process is crazy and frustrating! I am glad I am out of that cycle finally!

Have you considered you might have a very sexual ANP?

My hyperarousal began at first sight of a man I met in the course of work. I want to stress that at no time did the man do or say anything to cause this. It is common for persons experiencing this problem to attribute the cause to the other person, and at times I did think he was responsible. It also was chronic. At first my hyperarousal was entirely somatic: an inexplicable physical arousal not connected with any emotions or thoughts. The arousal was largely sexual but there was fear as well. This too is normal. Arousal of the autonomic nervous system is responsible for both sexual arousal and fear. For several months I did not even connect my arousal with the man, but further chance contacts with him were followed by increased arousal and equally inexplicable emotions and, eventually, by memories of previous contacts with the man. Ultimately I also had thoughts too. Strangely, however, the thoughts tended to go only so far, and then would abruptly stop, as if not under my control. For example, I could not imagine having a sexual relationship with the man. I [i]tried to imagine that, but every time he rejected me.[/i]

How does this differ from how every normal man thinks except they certainly can imagine themselves with the woman? joking

My hyperarousal stopped within weeks of my beginning to figure out what was happening to me. I joined a support group for people suffering from limerence. Using what I learned there, I had a very painful conversation with the man, during which I disclosed an infatuation for him (he did not reciprocate) and I [i]heard myself talking about feelings of attachment for him that was somehow like my feelings for my newborn babies, and about being "not myself." I also felt very threatened by him, but I did not tell him that. A few weeks later during another conversation with the man I became aware of the presence of my Alter 1 and Alter 2, and Alter 2 spoke in my mind. That experience sent me into therapy, and during the first session I gave a history that was point for point consistent with having DID. I knew nothing about DID and the therapist did not enlighten me.[/i]

Ah, so you are aware of them! My emotional ANP had to have the attention of all men! I would butter them up and be so nice to them. I made men lust for me, but would be picky knowing I could have any guy I wanted. I was horrible, but usually picked a needy guy because the types that are not needy seem to cold and offish to me.

I then had a very powerful dream involving the man, which I now think is about my alters wanting to integrate with me. A few weeks later during a therapy session Alter 2 took executive control, pushing me "into the back passenger seat" (co-presence). When I got home I searched online using keywords such as "possession" and "executive control" and within minutes I knew I have DID.

Have you had anyone verify that for you? It's calming to know a professional agrees.

Though not hypersexuality, I have had a number of infatuations with males that have disturbed me because I know at some level that they won't or aren't capable of returning my affection. That seems to be a twisted ingredient in the attraction. I can't turn off the valve of emotion or rationalize my way out of it even when I know the road would lead nowhere. I realize now that every one of them, in more ways than I can consciously identify, reminds me of my abuser.

I don't think I can attribute this to an alter because they're straight so I haven't quite figured it out yet.

under ice wrote:I'm mostly hypo- or asexual, not sure about the terminology here, and that can last for a very long time.

Sometimes it is called sexual anorexia, hyposexuality, or sexual hypoarousal. It has been my state too during much of my adult life, although it did not cause as much distress for me as the hyperarousal did. Hypoarousal also is reported to be very common in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Recent literature on this often refers to betrayal trauma as a cause. Patrick Carnes has a lot to say about both hyper- and hypoarousal in his book The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships.

Wikipedia: Betrayal trauma
Wikipedia: Hypoactive sexual desire disorder

Una...

Do you ever go so far as BDSM, slave/master, bondage, groups etc.. in your desires. I just always thought I was a freak! It's good to know i have a reason to be.