My girlfriend

That sounds rather complicated, does it work for all of you? there's no jealousy or confusion? I'm really glad that you guys have worked out a system, I hope I can work something out

I suppose it does sound confusing but it's worked for us and for D. we know that at the end of the day, he cares for each of us in his own way (likewise for us about him) and he's the one we "come home to". in the way he loves Linn and Lola as partners, which is kinda polyamorous: they both love him and they both love differently (Lola is fierce, lusty, opinionated; and Linn is more like a puppy or someone asking "hey, want a muffin? Love you") and we asked for the same courtesy back (let us love how/who we want under parameters you are comfortable with). we respect him, and he respects that some of us need our own space to have our own relationships. the only time it was fuzzy and upsetting was when Linn (who basically falls in love with everyone) met someone offline and kissed them... D was VERY upset which made Linn upset because 1) she hurt him, 2) it hurt her that he couldn't see her point of view, 3) that to Linn, there is something really weird about only being with one person when her love is a safe and beautiful way to share something between two adults. but the main point here is: he explained how it effected him. Linn listened. Linn explained how it felt to her. He listened. and they worked from there. it takes a level of security and also the ability to be open-minded and let some water actually pass under the bridge and also lots of trust. he trusts we will respect his boundaries about the physical, and we expect him to respect our boundaries about emotion stuff, and we are honest about it. our deal with D is: physically monogamous, emotionally polyamorous and there haven't been any major scuffles or resentment. take some personal inventory and figure out what you would or would not be comfortable with and talk it through with them to figure out what they are comfortable with and want from your relationship (and also maybe outside of it too). there has to be respect on both sides and communication here is REALLY important since with multiples there is always this other dimension to relationships.

seeya, cleo

MrTweed wrote:
Does anyone here have an alter which deliberately causes trouble? One of my girlfriends alters "Kimberley" always tries to break us up, and hurt people emotionally. Kim is the one that deliberately flirted with other guys and even convinced me that my girlfriend has cheated on me.

Sounds like Thalyssa (who we previously called Dark Amy). We all (as a system) work together to try and prevent her from ######6 $#%^ up in our personal lives. It takes time and cooperation and some understanding when things go wrong. Alex's SO knows about Thalyssa and some of her tenancies because Birch and I have told him about how she is inside to the best of our knowledge (which isn't very much) and he has come to take what happens with a grain of salt. It takes time, patience and communication between all of you.

Situation normal. Totally.

When DID is involved almost inevitably someone thinks someone else in the relationship is cheating, at least at first, even if objectively the couple is strictly monogamous. How does that work? In many DID systems, one alter thinks his or her relationship with the significant other (SO) is or should be emotionally and sexually exclusive, meaning the other alters are excluded. The other alters may or may not be forbidden to have their own emotional and/or sexual relationships with other people. Or the SO thinks his or her relationship is with only one alter in the system, and rejects advances from the other alters.

Many people with DID and their SOs are able to come to terms with this in one way or another. Some couples choose to part ways. For some couples a satisfactory resolution involves staying together and practicing some form of ethical polyamory.

These threads might be helpful/of interest to you:

-- How does your significant other handle your alters? : http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic75266.html

-- Girlfriend explained to me that she has Alters (discusses how to go about handling a relationship with a DID system/alters): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101047.html

-- Turmoil and Conflict (mainly relationship issues) (discusses the conflict between alters wanting to be single or with other people, and alters that are and want to continue to be in a relationship with someone): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic108248.html

-- Relationship Advice...Alters in love with others? (discusses the risk of cheating, communication, compromising, and understanding): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic98966.html

-- What should we do!?!? (discusses the risks of having very sexual/promiscuous alters and how to reduce them):http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100219.html

-- Alters and cheating: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic76523.html



~Mixture

Thanks for all your replies I've been reading them and re-reading them. Tomboy thanks so much ill have a proper look through those links later.

At the moment its difficult to tell what's happening between me and the ex, but these posts have really helped me to think about things in the right way. Thanks again I really appreciate all of your posts

you're welcome

glad this place has been helpful to you

wish you the best of luck with everything




- cassie (age ?)