My girlfriend

Hi my names Adam, my 'girlfriend' has now officially been diagnosed with DID and Schizophrenia, I just wanted to ask advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation, or just anyone who would understand

I have been having trust issues with her lately and it feels horrible. I know it is part of her illness to have mixed feelings about things but when we're together she will tell me that I can trust her, "she's not doing anything that I wouldn't want her to do" and all that. (we're actually having a temporary break up - because she was on lesbian porn and because she used to be a lesbian I get very paranoid about that sort of thing - but we both have assured each other that we will be back together soon) anyway so I was getting quite paranoid about her again tonight and went on her facebook (I know, its terrible - but ive been on there before and seen her alter flirting with some guy and inviting him round, so since then ive been making sure she's not doing anything that she doesn't remember doing), and on her facebook she had been talking to her friend about going clubbing together, she pointed out the fact that they would both be single. Which I feel (maybe irrationally) is a bit concerning, does the "singleness" have anything to do with what she wants out of the night out? on the same day that she had pointed out this "singleness", she and I had had a conversation about how we will definitely get back together, and we will both stay faithful in the meantime. (if it wasn't the same day, then it was definitely just before)

I don't know if I am being over the top, or if there is actually something I should be concerned about, which is why i'm posting on here to ask if anyone can offer advice, or something. For the record, we've been going out for nearly 4 years, we are both nearly 20 years old and have had a very good relationship. It is only occasionally that I get a bit paranoid - but when I do get paranoid I tend to go through her messages and find something to be even more paranoid about.

Thanks for reading
Adam

she has just been diagnosed.. and it sounds like she may be getting to herself/selves.
she may need this space for to explore things for her self.

who? what? why?

you may have to take a step back and let her go foward whilst being supportive.

Temporary break is okay.

But please remember

IN NO WAY DID IS AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT!
(I know under some circumstances it happens)

I would think it would be inappropriate to go through her face book messages. That sounds like a blatant violation of privacy. You need to talk with her about these things instead of spy. Perhaps attending counseling together may help you two communicate together more efficiently.

Don't know if it's useful to you or anything, but here's my two cents (maybe a bit more then two, we'll say it's about 10 or so ). From the experience of well, not being a host or loving Alex's boyfriend, I can relate to wanting to... explore elsewhere outside of the relationship. It is important to remember that although her alters appear like your girlfriend to you, they are not your girlfriend. They may want to have some social lives of their own. The best thing you can do honestly is do what Alex's SO did for us, just sit her down/them down and talk about it. Alex's SO mentioned how he feels uncomfortable with the thought of me pursuing my own interests because of the sharing a body thing, while I told him that I found it unfair to be limited to him. In the end, we came to a compromise between all of us.

Putting things into perspective, I do not consider myself in a relationship with Kyle's SO and I honestly couldn't give a hairy about him romantically, while Alex is head over heals for him. It's just the way of things.

Best of luck to you guys and hope you figure $#%^ out soon

Thank you for both of your replies, they are both very helpful. I know it is out of order to read through her messages, but in the last 4 years I have had to take on more responsibility than I ever thought I would (with her dad, and her illness and everything) and it can get a bit too much to cope with sometimes.

I think I agree that I do need to just give her some space and let her figure some things out for herself, I just wish she would be more honest about things, for instance if she IS looking to "be single" when shes out clubbing, why doesn't she tell me that? I have made it clear that I have no interest in controlling her life, I just need honesty, that's all.

Does anyone here have an alter which deliberately causes trouble? One of my girlfriends alters "Kimberley" always tries to break us up, and hurt people emotionally. Kim is the one that deliberately flirted with other guys and even convinced me that my girlfriend has cheated on me.

I don't know how to deal with things sometimes, I know on the one hand it is not her fault, and I should be there for her. But on the other hand, where do I draw the line? or should I just let go and break up with her permanently?

She is a lovely girl, wouldn't hurt a fly, she's perfect. I just don't know how to cope sometimes and I feel so selfish because i'm not the one with DID and schizophrenia

Sounds like you should be taking some time out to..being a SO to DID can be hard..
please!!! take some time for yourself.

go and do something for yourself!
Even if it's just watching your favorite bad sitcom.
go out and see some of your friends.
DID can become world consuming.

Maybe you should join the break.

MrTweed wrote:where do I draw the line?

Where both of you feel comfortable!
DID or not!

Maybe they are a little afraid.
Just tell her I want you all to be honest with me. and ask if anyone wants to discuss things.
Have you started communicating with the others what they want and feel.

Yeah I get on with all of her alters, ive even taken some of them out on dates. I am also the father to three of them apparently. I do talk to her alters and let them know that they are safe and they can talk to me (some of them were scared when they first appeared). With Kimberley, we did get on and regularly chatted, but then one day after she disappeared (haven't seen her since) I found out that while she was being all friendly she was actually plotting and creeping around doing things. (I think this is where my trust issues spurred out from).

I will try to take some time out, maybe have my best friend stay over at my accommodation for a few days. Thanks spanky_spee

MrTweed wrote:With Kimberley, we did get on and regularly chatted, but then one day after she disappeared (haven't seen her since) I found out that while she was being all friendly she was actually plotting and creeping around doing things. (I think this is where my trust issues spurred out from).

Maybe when you see her next if kimberly isn't out. Just ask someone to give her the message if she wants to talk to you she can. and if you get a response just ask what you feel you need to know without pushing her or her privacy.

MrTweed wrote:I will try to take some time out, maybe have my best friend stay over at my accommodation for a few days. Thanks spanky_spee

Is that how it works? can they speak to each other? that's really interesting I'll try that

MrTweed wrote:Is that how it works? can they speak to each other? that's really interesting I'll try that

yes some of us can talk to each other internally I'm not sure about you SO's system but someone may be able to.

Well for us, Lola and Linn have a fiancé, D. He's cool and nice and all that but only two of our ranks are dating him. He's against polyamory which makes Linn upset since she is violently against monogamy. I'm not so keen on it since i am gay and he's a dude so...not my thing. Not everyone in a system will see the SO the same way. D is like a dad to some of the kids, a brother to some of the teens, a friend to others, a lover to some, and a partner to others. We are all just honest with him and we explained that it's hurtful to some of us that we are tied down to him even tho we respect him and so we agreed that everyone can seek emotional relationships outside of him there just can't be touching or physical stuff. Ell is 'dating' Linn and this other multiple we know. Gem has a girlfriend online. You gotta communicate and find out how your boundaries and their boundaries can meet so everyone is comfortable. Take care of YOU and be honest with them and it should work out.
Seeya, Cleo