Girlfriend explained to me that she has Alters

Hello, everyone.
Now, before I begin, I'd like to apologize if I am wasting all of your time by writing this, but I am just looking for answers to what my girlfriend has.
She sat me down a few nights ago and explained to me that she has upwards of 6 different personalities and that I will have to meet all of them in the days to come.
So, I am told her I will be with her through the whole thing, and she couldn't have been happier. I also told her that I will be asking them all different questions and telling her what they say.

Now, to tell you a little bit about her, my girlfriend, she is 20 years old. She has had a pretty rough life and I am just looking to help her if she ever asks for it. I really would like to know more about what she has. As of right now, it presents to risk to her or anyone around her, including me.

I have only gotten the pleasure to meet one of her alters, which has the name of Kymera.
(Kie (Like 'Tie' but with a 'K') Mare A)
Kymera doesn't have an age, because she is a cat.
I read that some alters can be animals, some can even be former friends, and some can be the opposite sex (my girlfriend has one that is male, but I have yet to meet him)
Another thing you should know; My girlfriend can voluntarily switch between her alters. I asked her earlier that night if I could speak to one of them, and she said of course, and that's when she switched. Now I don't know if that is concurrent with DID, which is why I apologized before hand, but I digress.
Kymera couldn't use Technology for the life of her. After my girlfriend switched back, she told me that before I could tell her.
Kymera couldn't use the Television or turn the desk lamp on. She would run her hands through my hair and rub her head against mine. (In the same fashion a cat would rub up against your leg).

A little bit after she switched I said my girlfriend's name and Kymera replied "What about her?"
To which I asked "Where is she?"
"She's safe" is what she said.

Now I am very new to these experiences and I must be honest; to hear her say that, knowing it wasn't my girlfriend, but I was still looking into the same eyes I fell in love with, was a bit scary.
I actually got shivers.
Now, Kymera is in no way threatening to aggressive, however it just made me uneasy. I asked if I could speak to my girlfriend again and she said okay, but as long as I promised to talk to her (Kymera) again, which I did later that night.

Thank you for reading this, and I look forward to your replies.

Hello. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is lucky to have someone as open and caring as yourself. I hope you find the forum helpful.

-Geoff

P.S. I found this in the 'resources' section, it might be helpful to you.
It is a guide for the significant others of DID patients. I liked it
http://www.op.net/~jeffv/so1.htm

Hey, good for you for wanting to find out about all this, sounds like some of the meetings are going well and you're being there for one another which is great. As I'm sure she needs your support, and you hers.

Best thing to do is probably keep working at it as a team and going through the motions practically. As this is who she is, and she can't be any different and its good that she's being open with you. It can be a very vulnerable time and scary time for her too i expect, at times, to let herself out, and let someone in, so you're not alone in finding d.i.d unique and mysterious, it is however very real and makes perfect sense when you understand it, and it is fascinating in its practical ways. I think if you persist like you're doing, step by step, then the understanding will come and it will feel great once the pieces make sense and start to fit together, then you'll see more of the picture on the jigsaw. It is hard to grasp at first, from my own experience, but then it is grasped and once understood it can take some stress off a bit and you might not find it so weird when you realise the whys behind it and the way the persons adapted etc. you're doing great sticking by her through all this especially as she's quite young and it will good for her to have those stable and trustworthy relationships.

That's just what I wanted to say, I'm sure others with much more experience will be able to answer you in a more useful way!

James9 wrote:
Hello. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is lucky to have someone as open and caring as yourself. I hope you find the forum helpful.

-Geoff

P.S. I found this in the 'resources' section, it might be helpful to you.
It is a guide for the significant others of DID patients. I liked it
http://www.op.net/~jeffv/so1.htm

Thank you very much for the reply and the information. I am printing it out right now and I'll be reading it the second I get home.
I very much appreciate you taking the time to provide it to me.
Is there anything you think I should know about DID?

Fightforlife wrote:Hey, good for you for wanting to find out about all this, sounds like some of the meetings are going well and you're being there for one another which is great. As I'm sure she needs your support, and you hers.

Best thing to do is probably keep working at it as a team and going through the motions practically. As this is who she is, and she can't be any different and its good that she's being open with you. It can be a very vulnerable time and scary time for her too i expect, at times, to let herself out, and let someone in, so you're not alone in finding d.i.d unique and mysterious, it is however very real and makes perfect sense when you understand it, and it is fascinating in its practical ways. I think if you persist like you're doing, step by step, then the understanding will come and it will feel great once the pieces make sense and start to fit together, then you'll see more of the picture on the jigsaw. It is hard to grasp at first, from my own experience, but then it is grasped and once understood it can take some stress off a bit and you might not find it so weird when you realise the whys behind it and the way the persons adapted etc. you're doing great sticking by her through all this especially as she's quite young and it will good for her to have those stable and trustworthy relationships.

That's just what I wanted to say, I'm sure others with much more experience will be able to answer you in a more useful way!

Thank you very much for taking the time to reply.
First I'd like to say that I know DID is a defense mechanism that a person develops over a period of time to cope with traumas. (I won't list examples because, from what I'm reading on here, those can 'Trigger' a switch.)
I'm just having a difficult time grasping the fact that while I am talking to the same physical person, they suddenly have an extremely vague memory of who I am.
From what my girlfriend told me, Kymera is the comfortable side of her. The one that will come out when she is relaxed, feels loved, welcomed, and safe with who she is around. I found that very comforting that she came out around me. She's told me about her Protector and although he is more aggressive than the others, she wants me to talk to him one day and let him know that I am there to protect her just as he is. (I apologize. I do not remember his name. (Her protector's name)).
I almost want to tell them all thank you for helping her cope and keeping her safe all those years. But, like I said, I'm having a hard time grasping the idea that she isn't there with me for a moment.
I am fascinated, excited, worried, and uneasy all at the same time.
I love her, and I won't leave her. I know that all her alters are there to protect her and I know they won't hurt her, but I want them to learn that they can trust me. I know that will take both some and energy, but that's everything I have to give her and I'll stick with it.

I'm kinda new to all this (though apparently, "other me's" aren't), and you didn't seem to be asking any specific questions (sorry if I missed it), maybe the thread I've been reading will be helpful to you. It's a DDNOS/DID Resource thread, and it has other threads that talk about stuff like relationships. Maybe one of those might be helpful to you?

Here's the DDNOS/DID Resource thread: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html There's a table of contents, but just so you know, the relationship threads are like, 3/4 of a ways down the first page.
Most of them are about like, cheating and stuff though, so maybe only this one will be helpful to you. It's about how significant others handle alters. Here it is: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic75266.html

NightFox819 wrote:I really would like to know more about what she has.

Ah-ha! I found the thing to answer! Well, there's tons of information on DDNOS/DID in general in the first thread I gave you. There's resource websites, there's helpful threads, everything.

I'm still sorta new, so I don't know it I can be that helpful myself. There's a voice talking, though. I'm going to type what it says.

Voice: "DID is caused by trauma, usually in early childhood or childhood. It is a mechanism used by the brain to cope with trauma. Splitting/creating alters is a tactic the brain uses to survive; it dissociates from the trauma and creates a split/alter to either hold/take that trauma, have the ability to deal with that trauma, or have the ability to escape from that trauma.

Trauma can be anything from abuse (verbal, physical, or psychological), to a terrible loss (such as the death of a family member), to extreme bullying, to having too much responsibilities at an early age, etc. Basically anything that causes the child to feel extreme hurt, pain, helplessness, rage, stress, fear, etc. can be considered trauma if there was no way for the child to heal from it, and especially if it happened repeatedly. As one of our users on here once said, "You can do anything to a child, and if they have a healthy, supportive environment, they will heal from it. Without that safe environment, the child will not heal from anything".

The host is the main personality "out" in control of the body. They deal with everyday life and are usually "out" the most. This is the person that usually does not realize they have DID until later on in life.
The host is an alter themselves. All alters, including the host, are parts/splits of the same person. Think of it like a puzzle. Alters are puzzle pieces, and when they're all put together, they make up one whole picture, one whole person.
Even "original cores", which would be the original personality that the other alters split from, are pieces themselves. People often make the mistake of thinking that if alters integrated (became one whole person/personality), they would "make up" the host or the original core. This is not true. The host and the original core are now pieces themselves, they are split, not whole. They are needed just like the other pieces in order to create the whole person that would have been IF the splitting hadn't happened.
My main point here is that the cat alter, Kymera, is a part of your girlfriend. She's not a stranger, she's not someone else, she's a part of your girlfriend. They're both parts of the same person. So, while we know it can take a bit to adjust to and everything, try to remember that there's nothing really that creepy about it, since it's just another part of your girlfriend, another "side" of your girlfriend.

DID is hard to explain in a nutshell, and we'd highly recommend that you check out the DDNOS/DID Resources thread. The two resource websites that are listed there are extremely helpful and informative, and I believe you'd benefit from reading them."

I guess that's all the voice had to say. I hope it was helpful. The websites are definitely helpful, you should check those out. They're like, the first thing listed in that DDNOS/DID resource thread.

~Kyra (13 yr old)

-- Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:25 pm --

Aw. I guess I didn't see the other posts. Sorry 'bout that.

The voices are back: "There are many threads that deal with communication and other topics on the resource thread we listed, perhaps reading some of those might be helpful to you.

Grasping the main concepts often just take time to adjust and accept them. We're not sure there's much we can do to help you grasp anything. Just simply try to remember that despite sharing the same body and mind, and despite all being parts of the same person, they are indeed different and separate personalities with their own memories and everything.
Think of your girlfriend's body as a car. One alter's driving while all the others are asleep in the backseat. So when they switch drivers, the new driver isn't exactly going to know where the other driver was going, what plans the other driver had, none of that. All the new driver knows is how to drive, where they want to drive, and their own plans, because before that, they were asleep in the backseat, so they don't know much (if at all). We hope that makes sense.

With therapy, your girlfriend could work on communication and awareness with her system. That can help co-consciousness become possible and more easier, which means they won't black out/"lose time" as much, and it can help her system function better and communicate more with each other overall, so there's not as much of an information gap. This might be a good site for her to check out; there's tons of threads on how to help improve things with your system."

I guess that's it... Sorry if I'm not that helpful... or if the "other me's" aren't that helpful either.

~Kyra (13 yr old)

tomboy24 wrote:I'm kinda new to all this (though apparently, "other me's" aren't), and you didn't seem to be asking any specific questions (sorry if I missed it), maybe the thread I've been reading will be helpful to you. It's a DDNOS/DID Resource thread, and it has other threads that talk about stuff like relationships. Maybe one of those might be helpful to you?

Here's the DDNOS/DID Resource thread: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100829.html There's a table of contents, but just so you know, the relationship threads are like, 3/4 of a ways down the first page.
Most of them are about like, cheating and stuff though, so maybe only this one will be helpful to you. It's about how significant others handle alters. Here it is: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic75266.html

NightFox819 wrote:I really would like to know more about what she has.

Ah-ha! I found the thing to answer! Well, there's tons of information on DDNOS/DID in general in the first thread I gave you. There's resource websites, there's helpful threads, everything.

I'm still sorta new, so I don't know it I can be that helpful myself. There's a voice talking, though. I'm going to type what it says.

Voice: "DID is caused by trauma, usually in early childhood or childhood. It is a mechanism used by the brain to cope with trauma. Splitting/creating alters is a tactic the brain uses to survive; it dissociates from the trauma and creates a split/alter to either hold/take that trauma, have the ability to deal with that trauma, or have the ability to escape from that trauma.

Trauma can be anything from abuse (verbal, physical, or psychological), to a terrible loss (such as the death of a family member), to extreme bullying, to having too much responsibilities at an early age, etc. Basically anything that causes the child to feel extreme hurt, pain, helplessness, rage, stress, fear, etc. can be considered trauma if there was no way for the child to heal from it, and especially if it happened repeatedly. As one of our users on here once said, "You can do anything to a child, and if they have a healthy, supportive environment, they will heal from it. Without that safe environment, the child will not heal from anything".

The host is the main personality "out" in control of the body. They deal with everyday life and are usually "out" the most. This is the person that usually does not realize they have DID until later on in life.
The host is an alter themselves. All alters, including the host, are parts/splits of the same person. Think of it like a puzzle. Alters are puzzle pieces, and when they're all put together, they make up one whole picture, one whole person.
Even "original cores", which would be the original personality that the other alters split from, are pieces themselves. People often make the mistake of thinking that if alters integrated (became one whole person/personality), they would "make up" the host or the original core. This is not true. The host and the original core are now pieces themselves, they are split, not whole. They are needed just like the other pieces in order to create the whole person that would have been IF the splitting hadn't happened.
My main point here is that the cat alter, Kymera, is a part of your girlfriend. She's not a stranger, she's not someone else, she's a part of your girlfriend. They're both parts of the same person. So, while we know it can take a bit to adjust to and everything, try to remember that there's nothing really that creepy about it, since it's just another part of your girlfriend, another "side" of your girlfriend.

DID is hard to explain in a nutshell, and we'd highly recommend that you check out the DDNOS/DID Resources thread. The two resource websites that are listed there are extremely helpful and informative, and I believe you'd benefit from reading them."

I guess that's all the voice had to say. I hope it was helpful. The websites are definitely helpful, you should check those out. They're like, the first thing listed in that DDNOS/DID resource thread.

~Kyra (13 yr old)

Thank you very much for all of that wonderful information. I will be spending some time on that thread as soon as I get home.
The way you explained it really spoke to me and I do understand that she is the same person, as you said 'a side', but it's something I am still getting used to.
One thing I fall to understand about her is that she can voluntarily switch between her alters. Is that something concurrent with DID, or could it be that she has something else?

Yeh they are all parts of your girlfriend, so you're not losin your girlfriend, the parts are all there somewhere! You just might not know which part will be visible at any one time or 'come out' to see you. But take heart, whichever one does, you can still interact with them, talk to that part, love that part, play with that part. You'll be on a journey yourself of getting to know each part in turn, what they like, how they speak, their expressions etc.

I actually don't see it by different to a 'normal' relationship anymore, because all people have the same stuff within them. We're just arranged and organised differently. So I don't see it as a negative thing anymore, I even see it as a positive thing, that its different. I hope you'll start to see the good sides, that you'll be able to know your girlfriend in a deeper way, and really see those sides to her, that in a different relationship would take time and energy to work out. So in a d.i.d relationship I suppose you might just have to handle it a different way or from a different angle. But I would still recommend handling it together, so there's not too much pressure for example on either or you and you can find the balance for what works with you both.

Perhaps ask around or see if you find anyone else in your position or chat to some other partners of those with d.i.d. Good luck with finding the right info you need!

Um. I've heard it's a DID thing, and I've read about it. Voices are back. (I wish they'd just like, come out or whatever! Being a puppet sucks!)

Voices: "Being able to voluntarily switch between alters is very normal, common, and is usually a sign of progression. Usually, this step happens either before or after co-consciousness is possible, depending on the system (everyone's is different). (Co-consciousness: meaning that more than one alter is "up front" at the same time, aware of what's going on, and may be able to be in control at the same time).

Some people are able to switch on-command. We can do this with our Main Group alters, but it is a bit harder to do with Secondary Group alters, and we're unable to do it with Kyra because she is so new to awareness.

Other people are only able to switch on-command depending on the situation. It is similar to being triggered out, but they can be "good" triggers, not always "bad" ones. For example, if I (Cassandra) need to go to an interview, and I start to feel too anxious or nervous about it, Rain will come out and take over for me, and handle it perfectly. Or if I feel too scared to voice my opinion to someone, but it needs to be done, Kat will come out and be her blunt self to get it done.

Some people are able to do both. We are like this with our Main Group alters, and some of our Secondary Group alters.

Either way, it's completely normal and common for people with DID to be able to switch at-will. It's not something else or anything like that."

Ah. Guess we both got our answers.

~Kyra (13 yr old)

NightFox819 wrote:One thing I fall to understand about her is that she can voluntarily switch between her alters. Is that something concurrent with DID, or could it be that she has something else?

It does sound like DID to me. Every system is different. I can switch with most of my alters at will, if they are willing.