Turmoil and Conflict (mainly relationship issues)...

**Possible Trigger Warning: deals with conflicts between alters, and conflicts about relationship issues**

We wrote/talked about this yesterday. I'm just going to post & color code it because that's all I can manage right now...


I think it's time to discuss the end of this relationship.

What?? No! Why??

Because it's extremely unfair and I'm getting sick and tired of having my actions dictated and influenced by how YOUR boyfriend feels and reacts to sh*t.

Yeah, it's pretty hard abiding by relationship rules and sh*t too when I'm not in a relationship. ~Phenix

And it sucks having everything you do or say or that happens to you have an impact on someone else even though you aren't the one in a relationship or with them or anything. ~Luna

But-

Look. We're done. Just like we're done hiding, we're done with your relationship, we're done with worrying about how every little single f*#king thing that goes on in our life will impact Mike, we're done with having the worries and restrictions and sh*t that come with a relationship despite the fact that we're not in one ourselves, we're done.

But-

And we're done sacrificing ourselves for you. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HEARTBREAK WE'VE GONE THROUGH AND STILL GO THROUGH JUST SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS RELATIONSHIP??! IT'S NOT FAIR AND WE'RE DONE WITH IT!!

You've caused me heartbreak too!

Wrong. Well, not entirely. I've caused you hardships, there's a difference. Kat and Phenix/Rebel have caused you heartbreak before, and Kyra's caused you hardships. But that doesn't matter. WE ALWAYS SACRIFICE FOR YOU!! WE HAVE BEEN IGNORED, CENSORED, REPRESSED, ETC., OUR ENTIRE LIFE!! WE HAVE FOLLOWED WHAT YOU WANT, WE HAVE LEFT BEHIND WHAT WE WANT OVER AND OVER AGAIN THROUGHOUT OUR LIFE!! OUR ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN ABOUT YOU AND YOUR WANTS AND WE'RE DONE!! NO MORE!! YOU broke up with Rebel's boyfriend, YOU broke up with Darren, YOU wouldn't let me date Gates, YOU broke up with Paul, YOU dated our f*#king r*pist off and on for 2 years, as far as relationships go, in the end, it's ALWAYS been what YOU f*#king want, and we're sick of it!!

But... you guys like being in a relationship too...

Wrong again. We like ASPECTS of a relationship, who doesn't? We like not being alone, others like having someone there to hug and cuddle with, we like having the care and support and acceptance, we like having the understanding and closeness, but just because we like all those things doesn't mean we want to get it from the same person you do. I mean, yeah, we don't mind getting that sh*t from Mike and it's nice that it's there, but it's not what we want, it's not the same, and often times it just reminds us of how trapped we are.

You know I can't end it... You know that... He won't wait for me he said so himself!! I want to marry him!

And that's fine and f*#king dandy! If he really loves you and wants to marry you as well he can f*#king wait a bit for you!! He's already said he'll wait until later for marriage! What, is that only good as long as you're dating him?? F*#k that bullsh*t!! Why the f*#k would anyone want to be stuck in a single relatioship until the point of marriage???? Live it up while you can!! Be free!! Have fun!! Then decide to end your freedom and get your souls sucked out and get f*#king married.

He said if I break it off he won't wait if another opportunity comes along...

Too f*#king bad then!! That's mainly his loss, isn't it??!! Because we could just always have someone else front and find someone else and have nothing change!! Then you can see how it feels and be the unhappy trapped one for once and we'll be happy in our relationship!!

I don't want to end it...

It makes no sense to continue it!! We are suffocating!! We are done with this!! We are done with the restrictions and the rules and the guidelines and all the f*#king sh*t we shouldn't have to care about since we're not in a relationship!! We're done with the lack of space and freedom!! We're done sacrificing what we want for what you want!! Almost all of you is single and most of us don't even want a relationship any way!! How can you be ok with continuing a relationship that at least 90% of you doesn't share??!!!

But I love him!

Yeah, and we've had love for others too! You've broken plenty of our hearts! It's your turn for your heart to break! Deal with it!

But-

NO!!! WE ARE DONE WITH THIS!!! WE ARE DONE DOING THINGS FOR YOU AND LIVING OUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT US TO JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE F*#KING HOST!! YOU'RE NOT EVEN OUT THAT MUCH ANYMORE ANYWAY!! I SAY NO MORE HOST, NO MORE UNFAIRNESS, AND NO MORE RELATIONSHIPS!! FOR ANY OF US!!!

But...

No. You've been losing time and stuff, right? Now try imagining being censored and kept back your whole life. Imagine being repressed and not allowed to be yourself your whole life. Imagine going through pain and heartbreak and giving stuff you want up for the part of you that's out the most and gets to be known and have things go her way and sh*t. Imagie having to tip-toe around, thinking about the impact any little thing you do or that happens to you might have on another person, and then have a brief moment of freedom, and then find yourself having to tip-toe around again all becuase of a relationship you're not even in or want or anything!! IMAGINE THAT!!

...

...

I suppose... we should take a vote, then?

Yes. We should. And for everything from here on out, we should vote as well. This is not a monoarchy anymore. This is a democracy- no, scratch that, this should become an oligarchy, with all of us having a say in everything and compromising on everything and all having turns of being out and taking care of $#%^.


...Ok, well let's address the other stuff later, please.... And then I guess.. everyone cast your votes....



Cassandra- stay in relationship
Kat- be single
Rain - neutral (wishes to stay in relationship, but can see both sides of the argument and agrees with both of them)
Shay - maybe not stay in a relationship but doesn't want anything to change
L.C. - be single
Luna - be single
Ray - stay in relationship
Cassie - stay in relationship
Lynn - too young


Marie - be single
Valera - be single
Phenix - be single
Dallas - be single
Damone - be single
Kyra - be single
Blank - no answer/too young
Pretty - possibly too young
Cassidy - too young

(rest are too young/don't have an answer)

Hawk - be single


Those eligible to vote: 15

Those voted in favor of being single: 10

Those voted in favor of staying in a relationship: 3

Those voted a different response: 2



There. See? It's 10 to 3. It's time to stop telling yourself that this can work, it's time to stop caring about what you want, and it's time to start realizing what we want, what's good for us right now, and what would work for us right now.


.....I guess you're right.... I suppose...I guess I'll have to talk to Mike later then....

And end it.

....Well, talk to him first...

No. It's time for this to end. We're tired of coming up with some plan that's supposedly going to make everything magiacally all better, and then having it not work. It'd be different if your guys' little "break plan" was actually working (which it probably would if we lived alone, but we don't), and if we actually went on/could go on breaks (kinda hard when you're broke, have no job, and live with the f*#king boyfriend), and if Mike realized that he's not dating most of us, and if he would just f*#king give us more space and freedom, but that's not happening it seems. And since it's not working, it's time for this to end.

....ok..... I'm going to go lay down....I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up....

Welcome to what I wish for every day/night. ~L.C.

Okay, I know you guys took a vote and I know it was a landslide but...if you've experienced that kind of heartbreak yourselves why would you want another person to go through it too? Especially someone so close to you. Wouldn't you want to protect them from it? Not basically throw them into it?

Have you talked to Mike about more freedom and such already at least for those who feel they truly need it? I know relationships are lot of hard work and that most of you aren't in the relationship but you guys are all a family. You support each other through everything no matter what.

I know how difficult it is to constantly push down your own feelings for the sake of the host. It's hard and exhausting but haven't you all sacrificed something for each other at some point? I know we all have. Rachael has made sacrifices in her life for us too. And I'm sure Cassandra has done so as well, maybe not in the same context but in the end isn't it all the same?

I think you should at least let Cassandra talk to Mike about how all of you feel first, L.C.. Not just break it off at her first chance. I feel as if this needs to be talked out more, with all you and with Mike. All of your feelings are important and in the end it is about what's best for the system. But I don't think making Cassandra go through heartbreak like this is something that you or any of you really want. I'm not saying you shouldn't voice your opinion and how you feel, but, I don't think this is a healthy way for it to be done. At many points you interrupted Cassandra and if you all are going to get through this I think you should listen to each other. Because everyone has a voice and it should be heard.

I hope everything works out in the end, and I hope that you all are able to come to an agreement that really is best for everyone. It may take a lot of time and discussion but I think it'd be worth it in the end. (Sorry if I was a little forward at some points )

Evanescent wrote:Okay, I know you guys took a vote and I know it was a landslide but...if you've experienced that kind of heartbreak yourselves why would you want another person to go through it too? Especially someone so close to you. Wouldn't you want to protect them from it? Not basically throw them into it?

She's never done anything to try and keep us from it. And yes, it's her turn to hurt. We're done hurting for her, she can hurt for us for once.

Evanescent wrote:Have you talked to Mike about more freedom and such already at least for those who feel they truly need it? I know relationships are lot of hard work and that most of you aren't in the relationship but you guys are all a family. You support each other through everything no matter what.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. And nothing's gotten better, really. There's been plans made that should "help fix" everything and make sh*t better, but when the plans don't happen, or don't happen often enough, or don't really work for our situation, nothing actually gets better. We're tired of talking.

Evanescent wrote:I know how difficult it is to constantly push down your own feelings for the sake of the host. It's hard and exhausting but haven't you all sacrificed something for each other at some point? I know we all have. Rachael has made sacrifices in her life for us too. And I'm sure Cassandra has done so as well, maybe not in the same context but in the end isn't it all the same?

We've sacrificed more than she has. We've put her wants ahead of our's for our entire life, and we're done with it. We've hurt more for her than she has for us. It's not fair, and we're tired of it. We're done being the ones to always sacrifice what we want. She wants to know why we're pushy about being out and wearing our clothes and sh*t? That's why. We're done looking like her, we're done hiding, we're done sacrificing sh*t for her all the time, we're done.

Evanescent wrote:I think you should at least let Cassandra talk to Mike about how all of you feel first, L.C.. Not just break it off at her first chance. I feel as if this needs to be talked out more, with all you and with Mike. All of your feelings are important and in the end it is about what's best for the system. But I don't think making Cassandra go through heartbreak like this is something that you or any of you really want. I'm not saying you shouldn't voice your opinion and how you feel, but, I don't think this is a healthy way for it to be done. At many points you interrupted Cassandra and if you all are going to get through this I think you should listen to each other. Because everyone has a voice and it should be heard.

This isn't first chance. This has been talked about before, this has been discussed with Mike before, this is not unknown nor is it new. And we're tired of going in circles. Yes, we'll probably end up talking about it some more, with all of us, yet again, but we're done. We don't see this working out, we're suffocating, we want this relationship to end, we want to have the freedom we should have anyway.

Yeah, I interrupted Cassandra, because I knew what she was going to say, and I'm tired of hearing the same sh*t over and over again. We're done with excuses and attempts to validate staying in a relationship that over half of us aren't in and don't want.

Evanescent wrote:I hope everything works out in the end, and I hope that you all are able to come to an agreement that really is best for everyone. It may take a lot of time and discussion but I think it'd be worth it in the end. (Sorry if I was a little forward at some points )

We'd be fine letting Cassandra, Rain, and Ray continue to date Mike if Mike was ok with ONLY dating THEM. Meaning all the rules, guidelines, etc., would ONLY APPLY to THEM, and NONE of the rest of us. But I doubt he'll go for that, and I doubt that would work, and we don't want to be trapped anymore, so we're ready for this to end. (Don't be sorry. I'm blunt as f*#k, and most times, we can handle forward-ness just fine).


~L.C. & others

It sounds as if you guys have already done everything you can, and have been dealing with this for a lot longer than I thought. After reading your replies to everything it seems as if you really have given it the best shot you can. I'm sorry all of that effort didn't end up yielding anything. It's difficult when so much has been invested.

I hope you guys don't feel suffocated anymore and get your freedom, because everyone really does deserve it. You definitely shouldn't have to hide and I am glad to see you standing up for yourselves. I think in this case, after hearing everything you've told me, it probably is the best decision.

Just take care of Cassandra for me, kay? Because it's going to be really tough on her and she's probably going to need some help.

I hope you all find what you are looking for and everyone's able to be happy. Best wishes!

Evanescent wrote:It sounds as if you guys have already done everything you can, and have been dealing with this for a lot longer than I thought.

(Yeah, sorry 'bout that, should've brought that up or made it clear or something).

Evanescent wrote:After reading your replies to everything it seems as if you really have given it the best shot you can. I'm sorry all of that effort didn't end up yielding anything. It's difficult when so much has been invested.

We're sorry too. We have tried, and had our ups and downs, but we have been trying, and we're just done at this point. We're also tired of hearing Cassandra be like, "It would work if we just worked on this...", or "It would be fine if we just did this...", or "It would be fine if we just made this boundary/rule". More like it would be fine if we weren't multiple and so different from each other, which none of us can help, so it won't really ever be "fine". (Hence why I also said "no relationship for any of us", because otherwise it'd just start all over again).

Evanescent wrote:I hope you guys don't feel suffocated anymore and get your freedom, because everyone really does deserve it. You definitely shouldn't have to hide and I am glad to see you standing up for yourselves. I think in this case, after hearing everything you've told me, it probably is the best decision.

Thanks.
Unfortunately, what is often the best decision is usually the hardest one as well. We think we could definitely be ready for a relationship over time, but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can be done well enough to be ok for all of us.

Evanescent wrote:Just take care of Cassandra for me, kay? Because it's going to be really tough on her and she's probably going to need some help.

We will, and we know this all too well. (To be honest, we haven't yet talked with Mike about all this, so who knows, we might end up being able to come up with something that does work, but I'm not holding my breath for that). We're just tired of her not wanting to hurt (or hurt Mike) being the only excuse that's keeping this thing going, especially when we've been/are hurt for her so many times in the past (and even now). Besides, it's not going to be completely unbearable like she keeps thinking it will be because she's not alone, she has us, and we will help out.

Evanescent wrote:I hope you all find what you are looking for and everyone's able to be happy. Best wishes!

Thank you. We hope so too.
(I heard something about the ones that are in the relationship/don't want it to end "having this weekend", and that Mike wants this weekend with them only. Which is fine since it seems to me like he wants a "relationship weekend" in case it might be the last one or something. So the talk might have to wait until after that. But it will happen. And then we'll see what actually happens after that, whether it really does end or whether we somehow miraculously find some way to work it out, though personally, I'm just so tired dealing with all the relationship bullsh*t that at this point, I'd just rather have it end. But we will see).

~L.C.

I'm sorry to hear you are having relationship issues. Does he love you, and all the parts of you? I have already decided if people can't accept me for who I am, then i really don't want to be around them.

TheManyFacesOfMe wrote:I'm sorry to hear you are having relationship issues. Does he love you, and all the parts of you? I have already decided if people can't accept me for who I am, then i really don't want to be around them.

Yes, he does. And he accepts all of us the way we are. But not all of us love him, at least not romantically, and not all of us want to be with him.

~L.C.

I've never dealt with my alters doing this, other than them telling me not to talk to a friend that had been abusive towards me.

tomboy24 wrote:Thanks.
Unfortunately, what is often the best decision is usually the hardest one as well. We think we could definitely be ready for a relationship over time, but right now, it just doesn't seem like it can be done well enough to be ok for all of us.

Yeah that's very true. I'm glad you're still open to the idea of a relationship, sometimes it's easy to get discouraged about them. I think you're right for waiting for a time when you're all more equipped to handle it. Focusing on yourselves and everyone's needs first is always important.

tomboy24 wrote:Besides, it's not going to be completely unbearable like she keeps thinking it will be because she's not alone, she has us, and we will help out.

I'm glad to hear it This definitely has to be my favorite part about DID, there's always support when it's needed!

TheManyFacesOfMe wrote:I've never dealt with my alters doing this, other than them telling me not to talk to a friend that had been abusive towards me.

Sounds like it's for the best! I'm glad your alters are looking out for you

Good luck with this. I don't have any advice for you all, but that's gatta be some tough $#%^. I mean. I know we're going to have to go through something like this in the future and boy howdy, that's ganna be fun.
Yeah, but good luck, man (men? Women?)
(Jacob)
Whoa, that was weird... Uhm. Yeah, I'm sorry I don't have any advice, it looks like you've already tried anything I would suggest... Would it be alright if you could still have contact with Mike? Still be friends? (Sorry if this has already been suggested, I couldn't/can't read everything right now)
Best of luck
-G

Is an open relationship an option? Cassandra may be able to stay with Mike and the rest of you could do what you want? Of course, this is all up to you(all) and it looks like a decision has already been reached. Unfortunately, not everyone can be pleased all the time.

- Vernadael Teiryn

P.S, apologies if you have tried to contact us at all today via the cellular device, it has died and not been charged yet.