How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Maybe we all can think with you about how to explain, birdsong?

it's MC related stuff that I won't share publically. but thanks.

Totally get that. Good luck.

birdsong87 wrote:I don't know how to fix the connection, the understanding. feel crushed about that.
we were able to reconnect a little, by him admiting that he doesn't get it and trying to be supportive anyway. but $#%^, I thought I wouldn't be alone with the crazy stuff here and it looks like I will.

Just because he didn't understand it the first time, it doesn't mean that he NEVER will. It doesn't mean that he's incapable of understanding it. Give him another chance, more chances. You said that it's complex, so you may need to break it down, or find analogies, or all the things you do to explain something complex to someone else when it is perfectly clear to you. He's an intelligent and caring person and wants to help. I think he can get it.

right now I might have to contain the situation and focus on giving the teens and kids a good weekend. they deserve it. and we will soon have civil war here if they can't get some time for themselves.

the situation woke a small death wish in me. Hopes disappointed when I feel the weakest. I cannot stay alone with the MC stuff any longer. contacted a friend who knows more about that crazy $#%^ and hope to get a response soon.
I feel like I could cry and never stop crying again

Woke up feeling 47 kinds of cranky this morning, and we're still not over it.

It was raining when we left the house to go to the train station. Steady rain, but not heavy. But as soon as we parked our car at the station, it was coming down in buckets. Just enough time for us to get soaked before the train arrived.

Then in the city it felt cold and raw, and while the rain had stopped, we didn't feel warm enough even wearing a jacket. Just when we were starting to get over our cold. We bought a roll of cough drops.

Fridays are supposed to feel better than this.
__________

birdsong, we're sorry about what happened with the T. But even though the specifics of what you're dealing with are difficult to talk about, couldn't you at least tell the T how you felt about the disconnection? At least this could repair one aspect of it.

MDs

This morning, our neighbor who looked after the kitties when we were in hospital, came to check on us. She looked after the kitties again cos we're not yet fully able to take care of them. And she was really kind and caring and offered to do anything else we needed.

I broke down and started crying while she was here. I don't know why. I think... cos we feel so useless, and helpless, and worthless. We can't understand why other people would be nice, or kind, or care about us at all. Why anyone would want to be nice or helpful and whatever. Like, we just feel like we're not worth it, don't deserve it.

I'm still crying about it now and I still don't know why.

University started up this week. It is going alright. I have one class on campus. It is an english class, there is going to be a lot of in class, group discussion. Trying to keep in control with the "right" alters ie: no kids, abusive alter, or miscellaneous alters not meant to be in a university setting.

People talk so much, my mind doesn't work like that. I cant explain concepts in depth. Maybe in writing with lots of revisions, but not verbally. It makes me feel so stupid.

Started dating, it has been interesting. Already learned a lot, been super uncomfortable. but its going alright. It is nice to think about things outside of normal, although the thoughts can be a little excessive.

Really I feel like abusive alters have been losing grasp and we are getting more and more into uncharted areas. It feels kinda nice though. (Probably going to be a freak out after we write this stuff..,...)

VioletFlux wrote:This morning, our neighbor who looked after the kitties when we were in hospital, came to check on us. She looked after the kitties again cos we're not yet fully able to take care of them. And she was really kind and caring and offered to do anything else we needed.

I broke down and started crying while she was here. I don't know why. I think... cos we feel so useless, and helpless, and worthless. We can't understand why other people would be nice, or kind, or care about us at all. Why anyone would want to be nice or helpful and whatever. Like, we just feel like we're not worth it, don't deserve it.

I'm still crying about it now and I still don't know why.

Safe hugs, in case wanted.

meep. we've been having vertigo on and off all day plus the usual dp/dr. we barely feel human, more like some sort of alien visiting this wreck of a planet. there isn't music loud enough today to drown out our inner dialogue. part of us (snow) wants to die, but then again she always does.

We don't get to see our T till next week; she's been on vacation since the middle of September. we have bad separation anxiety. We saw a crisis worker this morning at CMHA which helped but our usual worker wasn't available and the woman we saw is literally new so we spent half our time explaining our disorder to her. Fortunately she was (unlike some professionals we could mention) clearly educated about dissociation so it wasn't that much of a chore.

we feel wretched today, lost and lonely. this vertigo is a real annoyance. A day for self-soothing and relaxation.