Signs your spouse is an emotional abuser

1. He calls you or your children derogatory names, like stupid, idiot, retarded, etc.
2. His jokes are cruel and involve your incompetence, flakiness, clumsiness, etc. and when you don’t laugh, he says you can’t take a joke.
3. If an accident happens, his first response is anger, even if someone was injured.
4. He abuses alcohol regularly around you and your children.
5. He is intentionally financially irresponsible and expects you to continually fix financial messes.
6. He complains bitterly about necessary expenses, like your medical or dental bills.
7. He loses his temper and pushes you and your children.
8. He hits and kicks defenseless animals.
9. He withholds interactions by walking around in a rage, refusing to admit anything is wrong.
10. He slams around household items to express he unhappy about something, no matter how minor.
11. He makes a big scene about doing minor household things, like cleaning out the fridge.
12. He believes your reaction to his behavior is your problem.
13. He ends an argument abruptly by yelling aggressively.
14. He extends an argument by stomping around in a quiet rage.
15. He instantly flies into a rage if you try to stand up to him in front of the children.
16. He gets angry if he perceives you are bossing him around or policing his behavior.
17. He uses aggressive body language and intimidation to silence anyone who disagrees with him.
18. He rearranges your things continually without you asking and claims he was trying to be helpful.
19. He checks in with you on the phone frequently.
20. He does not check in with you when you are sick.
21. He is resentful of you spending time with your family.
22. He suspects that your family has a unjust opinion of him and is continually encouraging you to leave him.
23. He is angered by any small event that he was not informed of/consulted on.
24. He is angered by any small information/decision about the children that he was not informed of.
25. He is enraged by any evidence that you don’t highly respect/admire him.
26. He will say/do the bare minimum to keep control and avoid making real change.
27. His moods and reactions to things are highly unpredictable.
28. He flies into a rage if you withhold information to avoid his unpredictable reaction.
29. He is dishonest about or denies past events that make him look bad.
30. He says women are too sensitive and histrionic if you are upset by his actions.
31. He is angered by tears if he is the cause.
32. He blames everyone else for his bad behavior.
33. He has a bad relationship with his own family.
34. He expects praise and recognition for minor things he has done.
35. He is unproductive and lazy.
36. He is ungrateful and has no ability to appreciate the good things in his life.
37. He takes pleasure in pointing out husbands and fathers who he perceives are worse than him.
38. He is highly sensitive to others’ perception of him or a perceived lack of respect for him.
39. He is highly entitled and feels society owes him a lot.
40. He is resentful of others success and good fortune.
41. He is often focused on other’s flaws.
42. He complains a lot.
43. He gets his way most of the time because it’s just easier that way.
44. He expects you and your children to drop everything and come running whenever he barks your name.
45. He is unhappy a lot of the time.
46. He complains about work regularly.
47. He is self absorbed and can not express empathy.
48. He tries to force his tastes on you, no matter how minor.
49. He will continually offer something, even though he knows you don’t like it.
50. He likes sex but he is not affectionate.
51. He refuses to go to therapy and if he did, he would be dishonest about his behavior.
52. He intentionally creates emotional chaos and then watches everyone scurry to fix it.
53. He actively ruins family holidays and special occasions.
54. He is terrible in a crisis and shifts your focus to managing his reaction to the crisis.
55. H...

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trigger warning: the following post and in fact any post on this blog is likely to jnclude thing that may trigger people. role deliniation, psychological analysis and opinion, emotional trauma, physical trauma, unpopular world views, among other things are likely to appear in this and other postings. this blog is mostly for me to have an excuse to write again..so be warned.




this first piece im posting is an old one i wrote about a month after i was diagnosed officially. since it was written i found another splinter and so the future posts will be from the four of us but this piece always stuck with me..and so here it is.



untitled...



falconry is an amazing sport both in generalities and the mechanics behind it. a falcon is a bird of prey...natural predators and rulers of their domain. but they are not the only breed used in the sport. a beirut..more commonly known as a golden eagle is among the largest predator birds in the world and the most powerful used in falconry. a full grown beirut can hunt and kill a wolf. when it strikes it uses one talon to grab and pin the wolfes jaw closed and with its other talon and the force of its dive it breaks the wolfs back in one strike. such fearsome and terrible power and yet..can easily be controlled once trained with something as simple as a hood. when not being used falcons are kept hooded not out of sincereity but out of fear. you can train a bird to hunt and to return to the person who sent it but birds of prey are instruments of destruction. if not hooded they would hunt...regardless of orders. the only way to control them is to take away their eyes otherwise they would never stop. you cant change the nature of the beast persay...only curb its habit with aids.

hunters always hunt.

it is a falconers duty to protect those around him as well as himself. falcons do not create true bonds with their handlers..not really. they may appear friendly but youll never see one being handled without a glove and a hood. dangerous animals must be handled carefully at all times. the second the handler relaxes his guard or doesnt hood their bird it could strike. its not that the bird is mad persay or has something against the handler..quite the opposite actually. it was trained to hunt...

and so it will.

thats how it feels. sitting back in the dark recess of the mind. the thing that lives there..lurking. waiting to be unhooded and let loose upon the world. to hunt. to rip and rend limb from limb. to do what it was trained...no. the protector never had to be trained..

it was born to do it.


dolphins are cute. objectively they are effectively large fish but subjectively they are cute. mostly because they arent sharks but also because of the culture we live in. we see them smile their anthropomorphized smiles and we smile back. they wave their pectoral fins and we clap and they get a fish. everyone wins. as far as most people are concerned..thats all it is. a show. like going to the movies and watching an actor. they perform for our enjoyment. theres one major difference though.

the dolphin doesnt give a $#%^ about you. in fact even if the dolphin was able to understand who and what you are the role you were playing in the show its in..it still wouldnt care. dolphins are highly intellectual creatures capable of making hundreds of sounds that comprise an entire dialect in order to convey complex messages across miles of open ocean and we have them jumping around eating fish. most people dont even realise that every sound a dolphin makes comes from its blowhole. the only reason they open their mouthes during the shows is because people like to think they are talking. to humanize them.

classical conditioning. thats all it really is. thats how dolphins are trained. a trainer waits until a dolphin does something on its own then they give it a fish. once it starts to associate the movement with a reward a whistle blow and hand motion is added. over time the dolphin associates the sound and hand...

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Grey-yellow light. A set stage. Don’t think about it too much. Let the magic flow.
I dreamt about my room again. This time there were snakes. Oh, so many grisly, writhing, seductively visceral snakes. And two strangers.
What do I spend my free time thinking of? Am I normal? What do I need to focus on. How can I evolve. Who should I mimic these days.
My desire for the disturbing is a bottomless pit. How strange are the thoughts of the tree twisted by wind, limp and sideways for want of the sun.
My ideal life, then, what does it look like? Partially, it seems, to unfold into reality. Meaning, how have I manifested such a thing before I knew how to do it? It seems, the more I learn about myself the less powerful I am. Am I chasing a rabbit hole? Is the quest for truth a diversion, a cruel joke? Though, it would be funny, how seriously I take everything only to discover there is no more rhyme or reason in the world than in a tossed salad.
Or perhaps the more effort I exert, the more I get in my own way. What I want is what is meant. I cannot grow straight up into the sunlight. I must let it be and it will come. Yes, that’s it. You’ve known that for some time, too- “The only way to truly get what you want it to stop wanting it.” That’s how you’ve gotten it sofar, right? And yet, you still need such-and-such-and-such-and-such. My inner being, the wordless self, desires improvement. The layers and layers are calling. There is never a final prototype. The formless void becomes corrupted when brought into consciousness.
I cannot control anything. There is no reason, no reason at all why life should end up any sort of way. Have I been asleep up till now? How memory does fade like that. Indeed, just this morning I pulled a full sentence from the dream into memory. Absolute nonsense- terrible notes of a mumble-jumble song about somebody’s head- that sentence is too forgotten.
Absolute nonsense this is, even now. Look, you set out with one intention- how indeed you’ve outdone yourself in the waste this time! How indeed, the more I write with no intention of anyone else reading it, do the words end up ever more sincere, and useless! To anyone but myself, that is.
I know what I want from life. Not to be pass the line fully- that’s certainly not for me. It’s always been a more- hmm, what’s the good word, passive- dare I say, manipulative? Indulgent satisfaction is driving another to do the dirty work so I can watch. I don’t think I’m evil. The minute I serve evil for its namesake to self-serve the ego, the minute I become disappointed in the results. No, I let the inside force do it- not the outside force. Somehow I must take my inside-force and shift it into another’s inside-force, without contact with the Outside. Wormholes? Narcissism? Over-and-out.

Hmm, yummy. Yummy yummy yummy. I crave the flesh that has chopped the flesh. The energy moves in passive ways. I crave to be ever more surprising to excite its blood. It, too, descends and never finishes unfolding. I can sense it. Ah, now I see, what attracts the one to the other, I’m sure we sense these type of things.




9/8/19
You forgot that victim’s name, the poor, wretched soul. what use now is your master scheme? Haha. The easiest route, I do believe, would be the guilt factor- “if you died, I wouldn’t even cry. Not that much.” Oh, what untrue words they are. “I won’t give in, no matter how much Lady Death beckons.” He would have broken your arm, now would he have? He thinks of *mod edit* Yes, all these things he hates, he can’t help but be open about, for what is hidden in the dark must be brought into the light? No, I think you know how he feels, for as you too struggle with bringing out what will destroy you, the light you expect to heal only burns. He burns.
I have no doubt of your ability to carry out something truly diabolical, given the right motivation. Let him falter, you can wait and wait better than anyone. But what will be the point? I can’t have a true plan, I can o...

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(Trigger Warning for PTSD, Triggers, and mentions of abuse- no details)

The biggest reason for our silence. The reason we cannot discuss my possibly having DID. My desperate need for therapy. Really anything about how I feel is...

It would destroy my mother.

I grew up with a parent with PTSD from extremely severe childhood abuse. The kind of abuse that most people don't live through, and the movies would have to tame down to even consider releasing. She was undiagnosed when she had me, and still in an abusive relationship with a man she did not love. She left him before I was even a year old. It wasn't until years later that she started getting the help she needed. My entire life has been about her. I love my mother and she loves us kids. The man I call my father (stepfather) adores her and takes care of her. One of the things that has helped her through her trauma is us kids. She is proud of how good a mother she was compared to how bad her parents had been.

With the things she suffered she did a really great job...

But she's also part of my trauma. She's the reason that nothing I go through can be serious enough to merit 'trauma'. She's why I am afraid to mention anything that is potentially negative. I can't be angry, or frustrated, or depressed without it being a reflection on her or upsetting to her, and so I sit in silence. I put on the mask of compliance and happiness, while dealing with emotions I don't understand. I live every day questioning my actions. Will this trigger mom? Is she angry at me or triggered? Have I actually done something wrong or is she directing her anger and panic towards me instead of realizing she's having or on her way to an attack. Can I admit I'm not feeling good without her being upset? If I forget to take out the trash will she be unusually angry with me?

Every day. And she's better now then when she used to be, or so I am told. I have brief memories here and there. The previous host of our system has a lot of resentment towards her. I understand where my mom is coming from, but I know it is wrong to deny what has happened in the past because it invalidates the systems struggles. My mother would never hurt or abuse me on purpose, but she's been hurtful in the past, and even worse dismissive. My dad(stepfather) doesn't help because anytime I have ever mentioned anything mental illness related he always counters with what happened in your childhood that was so bad you'd have developed anxiety or ptsd etc.

It makes me doubt myself. Am I wrong? Am I overly dramatic? Is it wrong to feel hurt? Is my perception off? Did I imagine this? Or is he comparing my life to mom's and forgetting everything I went through? That I was there before he was. That I was around some of the same people who hurt my mother. I'm happy I only remember pieces. The important stuff I remember as if it happened to someone else. They didn't tell us growing up what was going on with mom. Not until later. I am proud of her growth and I want to do everything I can to give her the happiness she deserves.

I love my mother so I must keep the silence. Because she could never know she accidently hurt me, and she can never know that as much as she tried to protect me from things I still had fear. My system still suffered things she didn't know about. Things we will never tell her because compared to the hell she grew up in, what we suffered is match to a wildfire. So I will blog about it and overcome it on my own because I still want a relationship with her, and I don't want to hurt her, but I need to process and work through my own things. I need to validate my alters pains. I need to understand that even though we aren't mom, we are entitled to our own feelings on things that happened.

We have trauma. It's different than mom's, but it was traumatic to us. It holds us back. It keeps us distant from people. Isolates us. Until we accept and work through it, we will never be able to live the life we want. I can only hope that...

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Hi Guys,

Very simple and hard to answer.

What's the best way you have solved bad Self Image issue in order to be able to express yourself fully?

Would love to hear some answers.