Dating support;
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Ive been working on dating and social aspects for a while now with a sponsor. The goal was to come back from nothing; making my way all the way back to new experiences; experiences that would take me to popularity with women; wonderful conversations with women with confidence; and finally phone numbers and asking for dates. And; Ive gotten this far. Ive gotten all the way right up next to the first date; But it never happened… I never got the first date; I got smoked or ghosted on the last one.
So; Almost; But I got that far. And that is a super amount of experience; and I did it; Hurrah!
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So; after talking to the sponsor about all of it.
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I ended up at a meeting today; a special meeting; I go to on Fridays. I was totally dissociated and not sure what my future looked like. However; of all the strange but great things to happen; Dating came up as one of the topics and everyone started to open up; almost like a campfire group on an outing camping around the campfire at early dark… talking …. really intimate…
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I was shocked; and completely taken by surprise and what a great surprise. I got to open up yet again; and tell a group of people very close; that I had confidence; and no self worth when it came to dating; I had no sexual market value; because I had no idea who I am to anyone. And that I was bashful and afraid and petrified and scared to death of being rejected; Im super vulnerable.
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And that God finally told me to stop going after people that had no value for me; Just Stop.
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Now; Im gathering a team of individuals I can respond to as I go into the world of dating. The world of dating for me is much like a job search. Its serious business. Im looking for someone internally just like me.
Im an introvert; intellectual; shy withdrawn; bashful extremely secretive creative; shy.
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This type of person Im looking for; Ill have to get up to speed…
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I told the group; I wanted someone that missed me; cared if they had no seen me. Someone that when they woke up in the morning they thought about me and it meant something to them; they were thinking about me when they got up in the morning.
If they hadnt seen me for a year; they would always wonder what happened to me and they were thinking about me. If they saw me again; they would be excited to see me and enthusiastic; People interested in me.
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Thats what Im looking for and working with God on finding… and or attracting. And someone that wants to help me; build me up; as my best interests at heart. And so one. Someone that is my best friend wouldn't hurt either.
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Where in the world would I find someone like this? I don’t know; but my inner being knows; and God knows and the universe knows.
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So; Im kind of on that search and discovery process right now.
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So;
Back to the meeting; it was an exquisite meeting. And lifted my spirits through the roof; My God; it flipped everything over to the positive… incredible. Never in my life did I expect this to happen. Its like Gods hands just through a giant light of the spirit from outer space; right into the middle of our gathering. Now Im super stoked. Incredible.
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Ive got like one more meeting to bring up some other internalized secrets concerning dating; Mainly that I have no confidence in myself concerning women and dating. All I can do is take a chance and ask women; ask them for what I want… I have no idea of the outcome.
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I will continue to gather more people I can call on as part of my dating support group… Its just starting;
I have many many days of experience ahead dealing with women and getting support… learning how to interact with women again and dating again and having a girlfriend…

GOALS:
I have several Goals and they are aligned with God.
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Wife; Family; Children; Marriage..
House
Car
Music room or studio/drum room; Drumming
Money;
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Activities;
The ability to have full functioning back to create in; Music; Art: Writing… And performing. The ability to learn guitar or play it as a main or secondary instrument…
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Mountain biking; Having this back and up to speed.
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Occupation
Vacation
Education
Hobbies
Callings
Purposes…
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Where am I at in all of these goals.
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First; Many of the ACTIVITY goals are completed that needed restoration; In fact; I have nothing I need to report right now concerning Activities; Im function well in all areas right now under Gods care concerning Activities.
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Relationships;
What has been accomplished….
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1. General friends; Guy friends; Yes; Im back; its not perfect but almost together; well on my way…
2. Im also able to be resourceful and meet new friends and make new friends; it takes work but Im much more able; or spontaneous with new people.
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Im working on the next segment of my goals right now; Relationships. Im working on finding a wife; when I find her she will be my interest then my friend and girlfriend and go from there. So.
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Question; What am I looking for right now to accomplish; what is my goal; GIRLFRIEND… Romantic Girlfriend… complete. That is my number one goal right now. Anything less in this category; and it wont do… it has to be complete…. That is my goal and number one goal right now. Im now in the age or time of having and finding that girlfriend…
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What I want in a women; 2025
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History; Ive attracted beautiful women all my life; since age 19. These are women in looks between 8-10. Ive had 10’s before. Its been this way all my life. Im an old man now.
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Its done no good to be one of these guys who attracts these women. All I ever wanted was a girlfriend that liked me or missed me or choose’d me; they liked me for who I am and what I meant to them.
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Meaning; I meant something to them; They wanted to see me when they got up in the morning; because I meant something to them; or; they would miss me in their heart and soul.
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I wanted a womens heart. Its never happened; Unfortunately; Ive had everything else; every mans fantasy; 10000000 times…
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Guys like me attracted everyone everywhere I went. Id did me no good; It just freaked me out.
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The problem is; I could have anyone every man dreams of or is attracted to; But no one that actually sincerely liked me; someone whom I one their heart and they naturally wanted to hang out with me because we are best friends to go with it.
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As an old man; It dies; the physical attraction from women; Its still here but nothing like when I was a younger man… And thats OK.
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1. Ive had 10000000 girls like me; All the most beautiful girls of any community; but no one that liked me as a person; no one. SO; I could sleep with these girls anytime I want or marry them; but after awhile; why bother; their behavior is so atrocious; whats the point… They are literally relational Pathological.. They violate basic boundaries that let me know someone is safe or dangerous. They are spoiled and think they are above the normal rules of interaction when it comes to courting someone or dating or romance.. And very quickly I have no value for them.. They are weirdos in my opinion; and literally act retarded out of line. They are bossy idiots who think they are above moral societal laws. They want to be the center of attention.
Ive had a few psychopaths that look like the old style miss Universe; When the requirements was looks for them to win. They seemed sincere; but; what is the point. Why would I want to go out with a psychopath for; for what!
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In a real sense; Ive had no one; Ive never had a girlfriend; not in the traditional sense because I never went ou...

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So; I deal with my first interactive crisis as being my new person… After taking an interest in her; Im ghosted. No problem; I did see her again in a meeting place; I ignored her but if I didn’t completely ignore her. If Ieven looked up; she is right there to check me; I can feel and see it; that she took it as her catching me looking her; ego boost. Her Ego Boost. So; I lose my position of power with her… Why; because thats all the importance I have with her… When in reality; I actually liked her because I thought she would be someone I could get to know and talk to; that idea was all wasted on the wrong person.
She is not trying to get to know me. I basically never retext her. I just walked away… But Ive found; no matter what I do; she will gas light me every time I see her….
I got emotionally invested to early. I just thought the person was sincere. She had no interest in me; she was just getting my attention for a moment. She kind of flipped the script on me. My innocence and decency were weaponized against me. I just never saw her like that the few times I talked to her…
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So; it begins…
However; because Im getting more confident around women; One women kind of suggested that she was going to the park to feed the ducks; I suppose I could have asked this new person if I join them; I thought maybe thats what she was implying. So; that takes things to the next step. That means I move on completely. This is not my friend.
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And I have to move on. Im just being played by fools…. Maybe Im actually wrong; but I doubt it. I don’t think anything is here; I was interested in her; she has no interest in me; And knowing this and working with God; I move on. I tell God; “ If you sent her to me God; she is causing violations”.
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What Im saying; I have to work with God; and move on completely and learn about abundance!
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I must work with God and let God bring more women to my life…
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I have to get to the point that I never look at this person ever again for any reason… And their it is. Im being played..
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GOAL;
The goal is to start moving on…..
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Really moving on!
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I will never see this person again; and their it is… Thats the way it goes. Im just starting out; and my mistakes and being around the wrong people will happen.
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So; this is a good lesson concerning God help me and me depending on God to move on.
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This is the big lesson to learn…. Ive been played; it will happen again. And maybe she never played me; she simply had no interest in me but was polite…
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I must get on my knees and pray and start again and keep going...and I will, Am.
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Im not good enough or experienced enough with women and relationships; to be enough for a person like this; instead; I don’t have all those things I need to associate with.
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Here behavior doesn’t align with my standards….
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I don’t barter
I don’t beg
I don’t plead…
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I never and never come back ever… And their It always has bee
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So; my ego has to be reduced in this; as I thought that maybe I was liked by someone; but I was wrong. So I have to go on forward….
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This was never my friend. I was dismissed.
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and another women came along right after this that would have maybe gone and fed the ducks with. But I didn’t ask; but it looked like the opportunity was present.
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Ill keep working with God and imagine new people; Please God; please help me; Amen.
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Mountain biking;
Well; after 10 years and saving allot of money and going into dept and accepting the price of a new mountain bike; I just bought one. I had to work with God until I was simply doing what God said; because I allowed to receive this direction from God. I had to get below God and learn to take directions from God.
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I made a mistake. I make mistakes all the time… if I would just stay inline with my inner being; and learn that lesson;
Im costing myself self destruction and masochism… I was s...

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