and today im fine.......even a little hyper. i didnt cut myself last night, i just went to bed. wtf this up and down kills me.

I should just hold in my feelings. They don't matter. I don't matter. Noone cares. You'd never know how depressed I am by looking at me. I'm always smiling. You'd never know. I think I'll cut myself tonight just once. I need to. I'm a piece of $#%^. And I keep telling this to myself. I wish I could tell myself I'm beautiful and smart but whenever I do it just feels weird

I've been doing so good. I remember I used to get sad when ppl didn't wanna hang out and now I just don't give a ###$. Anyways...

I was even feeling pretty today. That's until I look at ######6 pictures of girls on Instagram. I should ######6 delete all my stupid social network $#%^ man. Omgggggg I wish I had the courage to just kill myself. I'm so ugly it hurts me so much I just wanna die. I swear if I never saw a mirror I never would have thought I was ugly. Most ugly ppl are at least smart I swear I'm ######6 retarded too. There so many imperfections with me that plastic surgery wouldn't do $#%^. I wish I could kill myself or just go live in the woods so It wouldn't matter if I was ugly or not. I always see girls look at me. I can't decide if it's cuz I'm so ugly or they think I'm ok looking. In sure it's cuz I'm ugly. I just wanna die. I'm not feeling good right now. And then I'm a bitch. Oh lord why was I born?? Why me?????

I wish I had someone to talk to I wish I could sleep for all eternity. But I'll only get to sleep 8 hours. I think I'll buy some drowsy medicine this weekend so I can sleep extra long sleeping is the only relief I ever get.

Sleep is the cousin of death<3. ###$ I'm crazy

Hey,

Past few days have been ok, except for how resentful I am for still being in this #######5 ass city, I mean...don't get me wrong I'm very lucky to be here I just need something new and my plans have fallen through and ill be here for a month longer than i wanted and it's bringing me down so much.

but anyways, I saw a girl with a big nose yesterday and it didnt look that bad!! and ive been feeling ok about how I look until right now. I made the mistake of touching my nose..now i just want to keep touching it but ill write this so my hands are busy. I just want to feel it and measure the bump, i really want to draw with a marker on the bump so I can see how much needs to be shaved off..............i havent done this yet but i like....reaaaly want to even though I know it's counter productive or whatever.

I'll have really pretty girls say I'm pretty but I think they say it because they actually dont mean it. Like..really pretty girls are usually mean to other pretty girls, arent they??? Whatever, at least i have my nails to distract from this monstrosity that I call my face.

Also, yesterday I got sad that I'm not that smart, but I think maybe my depression has something to do with it. It's so hard for me to concentrate, it was especially hard in university- it doesn't take long before my mind drifts off and then I'll never fully comprehend what I'm trying to learn

im so tired I hope I sleep well tonight...I love sleeping

see wtf. my dad just showed up at my work and i got SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAD. like i was happy to see him but i got so f***ing mad because i told him i worked late tonight. anyways then he said that he was just in the neighbourhood so he'd see if i needed a ride. WOW im such a bitch...like wtf.

now i just wanna cry, which i shed a few tears at work, thankfully noone's around to see...and now im thinking about how ugly i am

i dont wanna die i just wish i never existed. i just wish everyone got amnesia and forgot who i am and i could die so then noone would hurt.