Well, the title says it all.

I'm having a huge will to ope up and write everything that is going on my mind. I'm feeling miserable, but mostly because of the trigger that made me go back to gamble, and not because of the gambling per say.

I'm feeling very very lonely right now. My girlfriend and I broke up just after the new years (what a way to start the year right?) and shortly after i resumed gambling. It was the way that i used as an escape.

I haven't told anyone about our break up, and that is tearing me apart. While I was playing, my mind was on a different level, but when i started to lose control... well you know what happens. You try to gain the losses, lose a bit more, then you recover to lose even more... until the time you say STOP! NO MORE!

So and without the problem of having to say to your loved one that you have succumbed to gambling again, i sat on my "corner" and bummm everything started to hit me:
- I'm alone. I've lost a large amount of money. I've wasted nearly a decade of my existence. I could be really really well in my life. I'm 35 and I have a quite good job and a satisfying salary. I think I'm good looking and never had big problems to find steady relationships. But yet I feel miserable!!
I can't stop feeling that I have wasted some much of everything! I feel like an idiot. I had really great opportunities in my life and I keep on wasting them.

Today I think I start looking for some counseling. I need to speak with someone. I used to have no problems to speak with my friends. I know i have really great ones that could really help me. But I because i know they love me, they would be really worried with me, and I don't want to troubled them.

Well, sorry about my lame post, but writing this out, and knowing that someone will read this, really helps me.

See ya

Ok guys,

So today I want to share my 3 months GF, so my first big mile stone is just around the corner, the 100th day GF!

It has been quite a ride, but with this forum's assistance I have made it through! I still have a lot to deal with, but I think that for now, my gambling urges are controlled. I've seen that what really triggers me is thinking in getting a lot of money quickly. Its is not just about trying to catch up for all the losses. I've been trough that. What is lost... is lost. And by actually acknowledging that, made me able to stop.
Now I have a couple of objectives, being one of them, and the most important, help my family. Since I stopped gambling, and after paying my debts, I was able to assist my family, whenever they wanted, without thinking twice. Another thing that is changing, is that I'm actually saving money! I've closed that leaking tap, thas was consuming all my available money and credit!

I still need to solve a couple of issues in my life, but for now, I think I getting back on the tracks.

As I said, now i just want to achieve the 100 day mark, wait for my next holidays (which will start in mid decemebr) and enjoy the holiday season, in a way i haven't for many years!
Then I'll work to get to the 200th day, and so on.

I dream of the day, I say 1000th GF! (and immediately set a new target!)

Regards

Hi you...

Lately I've been experiencing some (a lot) of difficulty to maintain my happiness levels in a good level.
I can't tell exactly why, but that is just happening to me. I've been GF for 80 days now, and I have no doubt that the 100 days Milestone will be achieved. My work is going fine and my personal relations have been in a really good level... so why don't i cheer everyone and smile all the time?
I don't know, but one of the things I'm experiencing now, is that I'm really tired, and not having as much rest as i wanted... so basically I'm feeling a bit more "down" and wishing for some cool stuff to do... something that lights my spirit up. A few months ago i knew what i would do. Now i don't think in it, but there is for sure something missing in my life. Some joy, that i don't feel for quite a long time.
I do miss the "happiness" of a big win... but i don't miss at all the deception of a loss. So i just don't gamble any longer.
So that you can actually try and understand better, I used to be really into my football team, but now if i don't see the matches... i dont really care. I used to play Playstation and although i have some unfinished games, i dont play it ffor over a month.
I leave in a very hot and dry climate, but i don't remember the last time i went for a swim.
Even looking at the recovery numbers, the debt being all paid, savings increasing... there is still something missing. Some adrenaline... i dont know.

Well, maybe this is just a quick phase. Hope it passes quickly, and soon enough i can embrace again all the joy of being GF.

Take care. Stay strong.

Hi all,

Well, it as been a while since I've last wrote on this blog, but I can say, that concerning gambling, everything is going well. Actually i should say " Gambling free", and not just gambling.

I've been extremely consumed by work. I really am spending too much time, in direct or indirect actions related to work, and when I'm home i don't even care to turn on the laptop. Since my biggest problem used to be online gambling, my triggers are much less out in the open, and it lead me to a more safe environment for me.

I've been GF for over 70 days now, and it is amazing, of how far that looks. It was so difficult for me to stop before, that i don't want it back to it again. But at the same time it looks like now it is easy, and gets easier by the day. I'm not going t lie to you. Of course I had some urges, but nothing recent. And although i stopped visiting online casinos, i think that today i would be able to say... no thank you.

So with this being said, i just want you to know that it is possible to get control back of our lives. We just have to actually want it, and fight for it.

Take care

Well and is has been 30 days, since i last gambled...

I must say this feels good, but I wish it was already 300days. In these 30 days, I've been around here a lot, a it really has been helping me. I had some urges, but nothing much, but I did a lot of thinking. I asked myself where I want to be in the future, and I sure don't t be where i was 30 days ago.

I'm still in the beginning of a long road, but I'm still following the right path. In these thirty days, i started to pay more attention to what really matters. I have set some new targets and objectives for me and for my future, and I really want to achieve them.

This addiction is a strong one, and no one else but ourselves can fight it, but it doesn't mean we have to do it alone. I trust in this forum, and the community to aid me in this journey, and if all goes well, I'll be writing a lot more about me, my life, and how hopefully it will gradually improve.

30 days GF