I went to the Missouri Music Educators Association teacher in-service conference this week. AMAZING! I feel better and I feel like I should practice. I play bassoon and there's only two at my college right now. I poked at grad schools and I'm looking forward to having a bassoon studio and a reed room. My teacher plays clarinet, though she studied bassoon and she's good at it. It's not the same. I met bassoonist and it was wonderful and nerd-tastic. We like to congregate and nerd off to each other about bassoon. In short, I found my kind and we talked about nerdy geeky stuff.

I'm seeing my doctor Tuesday. I found out that one of my managers and classmate see the same doctor. Cool. I'm asking for a change of meds. I get way too tired, way too early and way too easy. It's destroying life. I need to be able to make it through the day. I need to work on my coping skills, but this is insane. I'm tired of getting pudgier too. I'm in my 20's I shouldn't out grow things until I reproduce. I also need to ask for a better way to pay for meds as my job is a lot of stress. darn you fast food. We are scum of the earth. I don't feel like I have a severe bipolar problem. We caught it sort of early so I think I can manage like a normal person. I don't feel so alone in my struggles. I don't feel like I'm a messed up piece of junk that nobody sees the true value of. I'm not an annoying kid who loves band, no, I'm a creative person with a creative mind. I deal with emotions differently and I feel a different kind of pain. I'm going to ask for therapy. I need some stress ninja skills.

I got some bipolar help books. That's going well. One helps identify triggers and symptoms and such like, to help better communicate with your doctor. I have a cat, a loving fiance, faith, and chocolate. I think I'm ok.

Ooo, awesome quote “Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.” Bonnie Raittthe path to spirituality