I haven't been on here in a while. I was kicked out of student teaching. I've never done teaching stuff before and if you don't know what you're doing, you're out of luck. I wasn't perfect, my cooperating teacher wasn't really the best. It's hard to explain.

I spent six years of college working for a major I really really suck at. And no one told me. I have a 3.9 G.P.A and I'm not good enough to be a music teacher. Alright.

After that it's hard to be certain about what to have for lunch let alone what you're going to do to make money to eat. I want to quit school so I have the availability to work full time for Kohls. But I wouldn't be happy. I'm going to go into musicology/music history. yeah, one of the obscure weird majors. I'll teach at a university, where you don't have to teach well to have a job. If students don't pass a test after you told the all the answers, you can actually fail them. It still scares me. Everything scares me. I almost had my self esteem built up and it shattered.


I really don't want to do anything. I don't know if that's depression. I don't want to go places, do things, be with people. I don't want to paint or draw or play. I don't want to go to school or work, just sleep. I see my doctor monday. I'm not leaving until I'm off wellbuturin. I hate it so so very much. I've had unbearable headaches since August. I started taking iron and drinking more water so I don't get them every day. A giant bottle of ibprofin lasted my family years. I've gone through at three medium bottles in 6 months. What good is being mentally ok if I'm bed ridden by the worst headache ever?