Tuesday 12 December
3 days sober
Resolve to stay sober rating: 100%

God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.

Had a really good thought yesterday. A 12 step programme isn't just about being sober. It's about being happy and sober at the same time. For too long I have had the attitude of "life is a bit rubbish, you just have to make the best of it." Or "you can't be happy all the time so just don't concern yourself with being happy". Now I'm thinking, "yeah, maybe it's not realistic to be happy all the time but you can certainly strive to be happy all the time. And if you try, then maybe one day you will be happy all the time, and even if you aren't it's important to have that hope that you can grow and improve to become happer."

Was also thinking about believing in God. A while ago I was thinking about the whole freewill vs fate thing. I believe in freewill. I am willing to entertain the idea that fate exists and everything that is to happen in the future is pre-determined in the Universe. Maybe that is the case for all I know, I just don't know for sure. What I do know is that I am happier believing in freewill, and I live my life better believing in freewill. That is the case regardless of whether the universe is governed by freewill or fate in reality. Even if the Universe was governed by fate, my fate is better believing in freewill.

In this way, I believe in God because I need a higher power's help to be happy and sober from this addiction. I can't get happy and sober on my own, with just my own willpower. I have tried multiple times and it doesn't work.

I have to believe in free will; otherwise we're robots, and it hardly seems just, for some of us to be damned by fiat.

I view it as things are pre-known, because God is omniscient and can work out all permutations, however what is 'pre-ordained' is maybe a constantly shifting matrix as our individual free will changes the outcome of the timeline. For example, I refuse the idea that if it's your Time, it's your Time. I can step out in front of a bus; or I can refrain from doing so. I choose not to.I choose to not take proper care of myself, which no doubt can hasten my death; again, my choice.