It feels really selfish to sit here saying I'm in pain about what happened this week when I was by some mystery spared. I know that was not based on my own merit but was sheer grace and fortune like when the hawk's cruciform shadow falls across you and then, by some miracle, passes on. So yes I am grateful but it still hurts like ####### hell. All these empty desks, pictures and toys and still-steaming cups of coffee because people couldn't even collect their stuff, couldn't tell anyone goodbye or even send an email to their teams telling them what was happening. Escorted without dignity from the building with only a thin white envelope. All with no warning. I am trying not to be angry but these are people I saw work nights and weekends for years now, not because they were compensated, not because they were ambitious or competitive, but because they cared so much about what we were making. Even in the face of scorn and derision they still cared. And even when they were exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed they were still kind and generous with their time and knowledge because they liked helping people. Now we are to pretend as if they were never there. How am I supposed to do that? How can I turn off the part of me that is human in the interest of being "professional"? All around me selfishness, cattiness, "He had it coming," "How will this affect MY day?" I want to believe the best about human beings but some days it is impossible.