I was sad a lot. I remember I would feel especially sad going to bed early in summer when it was still light out. My parents used to leave a record playing, Saint-Saens The Aquarium. I worried about all the sad, lonely things, like baby animals outside. For a while I tried to sleep with all 26 of my stuffed animals on the bed so none of them would feel left out. It was actually really hot and uncomfortable!

I loved writing and I loved reading. I wanted to live in medieval Europe (or my version of it, a wintry world of broadswords and emeralds and witchcraft). Today I still like words that sound medieval to me, like "cardinal" and "sable." I drew lots and lots of castles although I'm terrible at drawing so the walls just looked like rows of marshmallows. I would make little adventures for my brother outside: treasure maps and quests. We would brew potions out of food coloring and spices from my mom's cabinet. Once we decided we were going to live outside, off of onion grass and honeysuckle, and I decided to try and fill a jar with honeysuckle nectar.

I was also anxious. I sucked my thumb for a long time, which I still do some version of that when I need to calm down. Winter mornings when we could see our breath I always pretended I was smoking. At one point I developed this terrible fear of being the last one awake at night. It was very strange; I was scared about going to sleep all day, and when my parents finished tucking me in I'd make them tell me how much longer they'd be up. Then I'd frantically try to go to sleep as quickly as possible. You can imagine how well that worked. >_<

I loved the feeling of the world around me. Morning sun, the smell of grass, the taste of berries, fall colors, mom braiding my hair.