First it was like that Simpsons episode where Frank Grimes tricks Homer into taking part in a "Design a Nuclear Power Plant" contest for children. Homer builds the existing plant, adds some racing stripes, and is crowned champion by the inflexible Mr. Burns.

"But this is a contest for children," Grimes protests, as his co-workers cheer on the victorious Homer.

"Yeah," Lennie responds, "And Homer beat their brains in!"

It was just like that. Look, I'm no poet. I'm no artist. And I'm certainly not funny. But put me in a contest with people half my age and I'll turn 'em around.

It's also not difficult to dazzle people who are so vain and needy.

Hmmm. I was going to write about that but I think I'll skip it. No sense wallowing in sadistic stuff like that.

The point is, this is all #######4. She is an idealization but she is not the point. I am the point. I have always been the point. It is MY idealized self which is all that matters, and my mind will accept any validation of that image, from anyone or anything. When I didn't know it was her, I let the others validate the image. (What others? Like, two people? The only ones who cared were her and her sycophantic friends. And they obviously only cared because it was about her.) Once I realized it was her, or at least my brain was willing to believe that, it became easier just to have her represent everyone. She became the proxy instead of a proxy comprised of the masses. (Again, the masses of two.)

I'm a bum. I'm an ugly, unlikable person who couldn't attract flies at a picnic. What the others see is their own projection. They want someone to love them and take them seriously. There's just enough intelligence in what I do that their minds can find what they need, warp it, and think I'm something I'm not. This was just a misunderstanding. I'm nothing like they think. I'm just a guy who made the local news because he was struck by lightning (i.e. did nothing) and then was never heard from again.

And yes, that's as pathetic as it sounds.