It's just like I expected. When it's happening it's great. The words only go in one direction so they are above dispute. But when other voices chime in it all falls apart.

It seems like everything is at me and about me. She's talking and whispering and writing and whatever. And so I get lost in the fog of grandiosity and respond. Oh, there are all sorts of justifications. Some even genuine. But as soon as the response isn't immediate and completely isolated to me, I see just how skewed my perspective was.

That's the thing. Unless there's something real to bounce the thoughts off of, I can't even tell what they are. It's like a fish doesn't understand he's lived his whole life in water until he flops up onto a boat.

But there's a good thing here. I wanted to leave it alright, but also close it. J needs it closed. As long as she's waiting she can't move on. It's hard, maybe even callous, but it's necessary. And M was the one I didn't want to hurt. She didn't ask to be here. She didn't ask to have all this stuff revealed as bunk. The other? Well, that's a different can of worms. Long-term I suppose it's for the best to leave it alright. In the short-term I'll probably come to regret it. We'll see.