Blood tests were normal. The only abnormality was a slightly high blood sugar (103).

I was told again that I need to gain weight. I am 6'1" and 142, so I am getting close to underweight. I was told that eating would help anxiety and fatigue. I can understand the fatigue, but anxiety? I don't know.

She offered an SSRI prescription. I don't want SSRIs, though. Too many/too severe possible long term side-effects. I would rather self-medicate with safe stuff and try to CBT it out of me.

I think I am getting a bit better about social stuff. At least, it isn't really causing me much distress right now. Just minor stuff, but I will live.

I said something to the girl about her smoking. It was killing me, I had to say something. I know it must be an attention or self-destruction thing or she must be depressed (in the past, she has binged on stimulants like energy drinks when depressed.) I know she didn't just think "hmm... I think I will try a cigarette." I doubt I can persuade her to stop, but I don't want her to keep hurting herself. I wish she could just be okay.

I was kinda panicky in an angry way about it earlier today. I think the pseudoephdrine makes it easier to to be like that. I took some theanine (800mg) and that calmed me down, but I think it was a bit much because I am feeling kinda out of it. Its not unsafe, I have heard of doses up to 2g.

I think I am going to lay off of the blog posting for a while.