Well, tonight isn't too good. I guess that is why I am writing here. I am just hoping that this will help to clear my mind a little. I feel really bad right now.

Actually, this is kinda sudden. I was feeling great yesterday, and I mean wonderful. I wish I would have posted on here, but it didn't even cross my mind. I was feeling on top of the world, wonderful.

Pretty much the same earlier today. I was good. I got my Raspberry Pi computer a few days ago, and I installed a media center OS on it the other day. It is great. I put Monk on it so far. It was the only show that I have that is in the right encoding, but that is okay because I could watch monk 24/7. It is really a great show. It is touching. I don't know, I don't see how anyone could not empathize with the guy. The actor is great, and so is the scripting. I feel like they are so real. I think everyone can probably relate to the show in some way, but I am getting side tracked here.

So, I was watching the show yesterday and everything. I was thoroughly enjoying it. It was making me happy, you know, when you just feel so glad for the characters. It feels like "yeah, go get 'em, Monk!" I got into such a good mood, probably the best I have been in in about 5 months, that I was physically feeling good. I mean, my legs were tingling. I felt like "bring it on world, I can take you!" I even posted quite a bit to the only social media that I really use much, twitter (I am not going to fully explain why, but mostly it is the best because I don't have family on it and because I like to check links by some news/science people. I guess I don't really use it as a "social network", but more of an information platform with social elements, ha ha).

Well, today started off well enough. Same as yesterday until about 11:00. I was talking to a friend on skype chat. We were joking around, doing like a big sarcasm thing where you do a thing with conversation. It is hard to explain, but maybe other people do it too. Kinda like verbal tennis. Like a wit kind of thing (not that either of us are witty), basically just keeping the conversation flowing with absurdities.

Anyway, then he said something about that girl who I like who asked me to prom.

Well, I lost it.

It hit me like a truck.

I know it was just a joke thing, and he doesn't even know really anything about it, so it isn't like it was on purpose, but it really hit a nerve.

I dropped the ball and started cursing at him. He asked why I was being so defensive, and I cursed even more and was noticeably angry. He said something like "wow, you must really like her, then". I insulted him several times and denied that I had ever liked her (which, to his knowledge, is true,) and he kept asking why I was so angry.

I was really upset. I don't know. It just hit me so hard.

It is kinda difficult to describe, but there were several different emotions.

On one hand, it felt like a REALLY personal attack (even though I know it was unintentional), like if someone urinated on your dead dog or something, but worse.

I felt outraged that he would even bring it up. Again, like disturbing something sacred. Like blasphemy or something.

Feeling of worthlessness flooded me. I feel so bad for the situation now. I feel bad about everything.

I also felt like he was insulting her the way he said it. There wasn't anything actually insulting her, here was the message:

"hows your gf
[her name]"

You will just have to take my word for the context.

But I guess with the worthlessness at the same time, I felt like "how dare you say that she would ever be with me?" in the way that she is better than that.

At this point in writing, I am actually feeling a bit better.

I am just so sick of them (my HS friends). There is just such a superiority thing about them. I don't understand it. They don't like her. They think that she is stupid, etc. They think that everyone except for themselves is stupid.

I am pretty sure that the message was meant in the tone that it the same sort of comments were meant about year ago. That sort of inclusive/exclusive crap. They meant to pick on me by the fact that she had asked me to go to prom, as a reference to the fact that she was considered by them to be 'inferior' or whatever.

Not that they would admit to it. Actually, maybe they would.

I just really want a good hug. That cold/empty-chest-and-throat feeling is really strong right now.

[quote="brainslug"]
I just really want a good hug. That cold/empty-chest-and-throat feeling is really strong right now.[/quote]

*big warm hugs*

I hope this finds you in a better place, Brainslug.

P.S. Monk is indeed awesome.

[quote="Evol222"][quote="brainslug"]
I just really want a good hug. That cold/empty-chest-and-throat feeling is really strong right now.[/quote]

*big warm hugs*

I hope this finds you in a better place, Brainslug.

P.S. Monk is indeed awesome.[/quote]
Hi. Thanks for the concern.

The first time I read this, I was in a good mood. I just normally don't post unless I am in a bad mood, ha ha.

I am almost halfway through all the Monk episodes. I don't know what I am going to do when I am done with them

"I am almost halfway through all the Monk episodes. I don't know what I am going to do when I am done with them "

I know. Hate when a favorite show ends.
Psych is another good USA show, kind of similiar to Monk in tone. Def recommend if you haven't seen it!

Thanks, I will have to look into it.

Still, you can't beat Monk as far as characters go, I think. Monk has to be the most likable character created, and the actor does a great job of playing him.

Fortunately, I haven't been watching it a lot recently, so it is kinda prolonging it.