Today was awesome.

All I had was chem lab, but I liked it.

We were doing pretty easy stuff like thin layer chromatography and melting point, but for the first time, I was actually kinda interested in the labs. I felt like I was understanding everything that was happening since the teacher was talking about it to us. It was really cool to see the separation of the chemicals and to see them melt, and it was kinda fun because we were trying to find which one the unknowns were, and the teacher was explaining why they rise to different levels on the chromatography strips. It is an entirely different environment from HS labs. In AP chem and phys, it was mostly a lot of confusion as we were trying to follow the procedure, and the teacher's main function was to yell at us to hurry up, and it was about us having to learn on it on our own. They didn't tell us what we were doing because the "point" was for us to figure it out, so most of the time, we just followed procedure and did the math without understanding the concept. But this is different and awesome. I actually feel like a scientist, even though the concepts are still very simple. I love the way that it is done. It is more of an explanation, and then the lab is used to further connect the steps.

I also talked to people, which is really good. My lab partner is so nice, so I am glad about that. She is really laid back and friendly, and we work together very well. There isn't any tension or anything, and it is amazing. It feels like the friendships I used to be able to have 5 or so years ago. There is no pressure. I can't put into words how nice it is to just be able to be friends with someone and not feel like you have to be vigilant. I think it is an awesome type of relationship. She is a female, so there is more of that "connection" type of thing other than what males tend to do (as affirmed by sociology, so I am not the only one that thinks that, ha ha), but there is not the awkwardness of the opposite sex stuff since she is married and everything.

She talks a lot and 'forced' me to talk to her, which when done in a certain way is okay because I KNOW that I am supposed to talk and don't feel bad about doing it. It was pretty cool, though. While we were waiting for pipets, she was questioning me. It was pretty awkward at the time because I didn't know what to say, but the results were good. She asked me about what I like to do (the inevitable question), and I told her I played video games, specifically lord of the rings online. Apparently she likes lord of the rings as well. She started to explain how Gandalf obviously could not fly the ring to Mordor because the Nazgul would would obviously kill them with the wyrms. I thought that was pretty interesting. I had never really thought of it like that, but now it seem obvious, and the image of Gandalf fighting Nazgul in the air was for some reason funny to me, and it was just a great conversation.

I also interacted with other people in the class, and that was good. I talked to some people about the procedure and asked questions to the professor. There was also 3 person conversation with me, my lab partner, and the professor. It was really good. It started when my lab partner was talking about needing a smoke break, and evolved into a conversation. It was a really balanced one, too. We all were talking to each other, and I felt like I was part of it.

At the end of class, as we were washing the glassware, she asked me if I was just quiet or shy. That was pretty awkward. I asked what the exact difference was, and she said that shy implies that I have anxiety, and I said that it was shyness, then. Of course, she said I just have to stop being shy and not be afraid to talk. But, then she said that she had been like that until a few years ago, and that she understands that you can't really do that because of the anxiety. For once it wasn't just like "Yeah, I was shy, and you just have to try harder", but she actually seemed to understand that that doesn't work like that. She told me that I was "cool" and didn't have anything to be afraid of talking to people, and that she "WILL" have me talking by the end of the semester. Ha ha, I don't know about that, but she is really easy to talk to and a great person. She says that she wants to be a teacher for young kids. I say more power to her. She would make an amazing teacher. She is my friend. I hereby declare it that she is my first friend.

There is one bad part, however. I have tried not to let it get me down, and everything else has been so good that it hasn't been able to really swamp my mood, but it is a pretty bad thing.

That girl who I was talking about that I kinda-sorta-like-but-don't-really-know-if-I-should said hello to me, but it was the most awkward conversation ever, mostly due to me. She said "Hey, you" and looked at me, and I looked back and she said "You are in 3 of my classes: Chemistry, sociology, and calculus." and I stupidly said "Yeah" like I was answering a question or something, like "yeah, your right". The she said "Yeah, I just thought about that", and I said "okay" and went to get something that I had to get. The entire conversation was in a friendly tone, but everything was so asynchronous. It is almost funny now, but it was so, so horrible at the time. I felt like my head had been dunked under water or was was hit in the face with a basketball, and by the look on her face, she felt the same way. I don't know. It seemed like something off a comedy TV show or something. I just hope she didn't take it wrongly or something and think I was trying to cut her off by answering like that or something. She has interjected into conversations with other people kinda like that before, so I don't know if that is normal for her. It was just bizarre, and I don't really know what to think, but I am trying my best not to think negatively about it.

That interaction with your lab partner sounds amazing! Like you took the risk in opening up to her a little bit about your interests and anxieties, and it really paid off by creating a connection and a friendship.