Today was a strange day.

Partially, it was good. I brought my laptop. I sat down in between classes and screwed around on that. I was originally intending on doing some comp sci homework, but I spent most of my time trying to get the program to compile right.

Math was good this morning, too. I was really clear-headed, and I didn't really make any mistakes ( I was working a bit ahead of the professor on the review we were doing and verifying if it was correct when he got to it)

Later in the day, though, my allergies started bothering me a lot. The quercetin I was taking was pretty much getting rid of my allergies, but now they are back full force, and I hate it. Sinus pressure is not fun, and it can be distracting, but oh well. I have some other sinus medication, but it is too late to take it now because it has pseudo-ephedrine in it which will keep me up. I should probably just put some in my car and then take it at the middle of the day. I swear, when I move out, I am moving far, far away from this place to somewhere with far less allergens.

On the way to Chem, I saw a girl who I had a crush on in middle school. I don't like her in that way anymore, but it is still kinda strange. I guess when you had a crush on someone for two years, it is bound to make your perception of them a bit off forever. Anyway, she said "Hi, [brainslug]", and that was nice. People don't really say hi to me much, so it is always nice for someone to recognize me, even if it is strange like this. I said "hello" back, but I was a bit out of breath from briskly walking up the stairs (lol), and my voice was a bit distorted so I sounded a bit frustrated or angry. I think she understood though, and I have been telling myself all day that she had no reason to think I was mad at her, so she wouldn't think that. It has taken all my my little bit of willpower to keep from obsessing about that all day. I just stowed it away to drop it off here in the blog, ha ha.

Speaking of obsessions and crushes, my mind of full of apathetic confusion right now.

Firstly, I hate social networks because every time I log into one, I see something about or by this one girl who I has a situation with in highschool. She asked me to prom, and I thought she was joking; i have told this story a million times on here. Well, I am mostly "over" her, but every time I check twitter or even open up facebook (which I do to see if I have any new friend requests or messages. Not that I ever do, but I feel like I should check.) her name or one of her posts is always at the freaking top, and then I start to think about her again, and it really pisses me off. I am conflicted about if I even want to like her, and if she could still like me, but then I think "this whole thing is so stupid, I shouldn't be worrying about this, I was almost in the clear".

Now, as if my mind is just trying to make matters worse, I fear that I am developing a crush/obsession/limerence on ANOTHER female. I guess I am overdue anyway. About a month without an obsession is reaching the due date for another one.

There is a girl in almost every single class that I have, and she is getting into my mind more than I would feel comfortable with. The kind of attention that my mind is directing at her is like that feeling at the beginning of a crush, before you even know that you like the person. It is like a compulsion to look at them and pay attention to them. It is hard to define. But sometimes it doesn't actually develop into a crush, so I am waiting to see what happens. Sometimes it just stays in that sort of stage and then steadily goes away. My attention has been directed like that since the first day of school (something about like a think that makes them different, you know. Something based on their demeanor or something that sets them off from everyone else. I don't know. I don't mean something magical or anything. It must be something subconscious), so the results should be in in a few weeks, as it normally takes a month or two before the actual crush comes out if it is going to.

I am actually not totally opposed to having a crush. It gives me intense motivation to get better, and maybe I need that. At the same time, she is really attractive, and it is not just me who thinks that because I heard some guy comment on her to his friends as she walked out of the room. I don't even know if she has a boyfriend or what she thinks of me at all. I have made a point not to look her in the eyes a lot or to avoid looking at her, so she shouldn't think I am strange unless she thinks it in general about me. But she isn't the most normal person either. I don't know, and I don't feel like thinking that hard right now.

Crushes can be fun, the anticipation of seeing the person and getting to interact with them and all of the potential for the future. On the other hand, crushes can be painful and heartbreaking when you can't get what you want. I like having little crushes, it brings some excitement into the day. It is just when it turns into more of an obsession and is always on your mind that it is really miserable.