I feel so low. Because of the reason why I feel low, and my own opinion about me feeling the way I do about it.
Normally, when you hear people say "this is the worst time of my life" they have lost somebody or have an illness. So you must think I am spoiled when it's not one of these things. But still I feel incredibly bad, and if it wasn't for my family I would probably have been suicidal.

Anyway, its about this woman Sofia Valentine. I feel like she stole my life. She is an erotic model and pornstar. She looks a bit like me, only way prettier. She lives the life I wanted to live. She has the most amazing tattoos.
It feels like Sofia looked into my head, grabbed my identity and left me feel identityless.
After all, if someone else is already how you want to be, what are you, then?
I am nothing. Nothing anymore.
I have tears in my eyes and I feel like if I am going to cry I will never stop.
Thanks Sofia, for stealing my life.
I will hate you forever.

And even if I feel so bad, I can not do anything about it. I want to cut myself, but I still live with my parents. I want to commit suicide but on the other hand I don't;. I can't take being life anymore. I want to lock myself up in the house and never come out of it. I know this is selfish, I keep reading the story of Jacqueline Saburido. But even her strength does not give me the will to live anymore. I will just wait untill I die.
And I do not have help because psychologists and psychiatrists say there is nothing wrong with me. I hate them as well.
I don't care about anything anymore.

Hey, I am sorry you feel the way you do.

Don't feel bad for feeling bad when there are others who are "worse off" than you. Effects of problems scale for people. Our minds adapt to our environment. Just think, people now are really well off compared to our ancestors, but we still find things that are bad or horrible. When the worst thing is removed, we assign the same feelings to the next worse thing. Not to say you can't be happy, but I think you get the point. There is no point in feeling bad about that.

Also, this woman, Sofia Valentine, don't worry about her. No matter what you do, there will always be a bigger fish, that is the rule for everything and everyone.

But even at that, don't worry about it. You just need to be however you want to be. I garuntee you that she is not nearly as perfect and you think she is. She is a person just like you, with her own faults and positive negative traits.

You have probably heard this a million times, but positive and negative traits both make a person who they are, and people like you for both of them. Sure, you should try to improve, but don't think that having some "negative" traits makes you undesirable. You could very well be the most desired person in the world to someone, even if you don't think you have the best traits.

I understand how you feel when you say you are just waiting to die, but that is no way to live. I fall into that mode of thought quite often, but that is not the right thing to do. You have to push forward. Try to be happy, and don't attach too much importance to "mental illnesses". They are just labels for abnormal problems. They don't make anyone special. You need to develop yourself and take pride in who you are now and the improvements you want to make.

Screw the psychiatrists, they are not gods that anoint people into some special group that is somehow more interesting than everyone else. You have the strength to make yourself. You don't need someone with a degree to tell you how you are. Make yourself, and make yourself into something good. Work on your strengths or what you want to be your strengths. No psychiatrist is going to diagnose you with anything if move to the better-than-average side of functioning, but people will notice despite you not having a diagnosis. You can do it.

wow, this is a really late reply, but thanks. I really appreciate your reply.
I only just read it. I feel better now, but everythig you say makes sense.
It actually surprises me that anyone with schizoid traits and social anxiety posts this, but I guess the internet removes boundaries for commenting on the things others say. If you do this in real life too, that is great. I think people in general really appreciate it if you listen to their stories. If you are sure others like you, it will also provide more security to overcome anxiety. But maybe it does not work for you in that way. But if you are schizoid, you might not really be bothered by your social anxiety that much. Anyway, I think labels can be perceived as either insults or compliments, depending on the way you look at it. You are right, I shouldnt care about what people who happen to have a degree think of me. After all, a diagnosis makes life easier, but if your life isn't made easier, it is more of an accomplishment if you can overcome your unspecified "problems". The only thing is that you never had proof that they actually were problems. So in the end you FEEL LIKE YOU ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING. *Sigh*. I should have more trust in myself.