Well I visited my grandmother in the hospital along with my parents. She went to her house so we could help her with some things, so that was good. She asked how it was going with my thesis, like everyone else. I wanted to say something positive, since she probably is terminally ill. So I said: "Its going great I'm finished with it in a week" But I thought: %%^&&$%^&* It goes like $#%^ I have no discipline at all.
So, I told my parents about how jealous I was of my ###$ buddy's mother, and of course they did not understand it and thought I was childish because I was angry that I "wasn't beautiful, intelligent, full of self-discipline and social" (this is true) and of course it was all my fault for thinking this way. And I felt egoistic for feeling this way and arguing with my father while my grandmother was sick but I'm feeling like this for months and I cried and cried and felt so bad. In the end, my mother wanted to help me with my thesis. I feel handicapped, like I can't do anything by myself because I'm too lazy. But at least I'm a tiny bit more inspirated now. I mean, I may be "nothing", according to myself, but if I finish my thesis at least, I am an unimportant nothing who finished her thesis. So, thats why I need to work on it, if I want things to get at least a little bit better. wish me luck. thanks.