I am SO tired. Physically and mentally. All I want to do is sleep.
PEOPLE ARE IGNORING ME LIKE ALWAYS. Now I know it for certain. I will never get rid of these annoying feelings. I will forever hate myself. My life will be nothing but selfish.
But I don't care....I hate my responsibilities. I made the wrong choice, now I need to suffer because of it. I always make the wrong choices. Doesn't matter.
Now I got a GREAT idea it occured to me a while ago because I had a fight with my ###$ buddy (I secretly like him, I've always loved him, and he just uses me, but it's so stupid, the rare moments he actually acts romantic I get fear of commitment and fall in love with..his mother?! I am ###$ up )
But anyway. When we had a fight I was so upset I thought: now I am going to sleep and never come out of my bed!! And the next day he kind of apologizes so I thought it was ridiculous. But now, I am angry at him AGAIN..And I think we will never become lovers..and its hopeless.... So, I am down again. I will not call it depressive since it seems to me I've got only one feeling: indifferent. I am not happy, not depressed, just indifferent, I've got no feelings at all it seems.
SO I will try to gain enough power to do the things that need to be done and I will try doing them laying in bed, and I only get out of it to cook and other neccesary things.
I am kind of happy thinking of it, actually. Or...on the happier side of indifferent, if thats possible