I hate tests. I hate studying. Studying is hell. I have the attention span of a goldfish. Can't focus on anything boring for more than 15 seconds. Parents won't test me for ADD because I was tested for it as a kid and came back negative for it, so apparently that means there's no possible way I can have it. Psychosis is enough for them to worry about and meds already suck. Why get medicated for ADD?

feel like escaping the world. That's all I want to do. I just want to fly off far away, don't want to deal with tests or getting scowls from my math teacher because I don't know the math definitions or stress because I didn't study hard enough. I want out. All Honors classes is hard, but not being in Honors would give me no excuse not to do extracurriculars (I don't have much of an excuse either way). Why not go out for track? Not fit enough, meds might be making me sick. Weights next semester, too. I'm too scrawny. I'll probably end up hurting myself on the first day.

I just want to disappear. I just want to leave here. Too much stress here, too much dullness and too little happiness. I just want to fly away.

If I just disappeared off the face of the Earth, who would miss me? Who would remember me? Who would even notice I'm gone? Who would show up at my funeral? What would they say? Would they say anything? Would they have actually known what I'm like? Would my psychosis be revealed, or would it be kept secret, a shame to never be known by those who never knew before?

Am I needed at all? Would life go on relatively the same without me? Would anyone care at all? Who? How much would they care? How long would it take before they forgot me completely?