Meds suck. Can't feel much on them, and if I do happen to feel much, it'll either be fleeting and rare, or a vague bitterness. Why live if you can't feel? I know I'll be hallucinating things I not only see and hear, but can touch. I know I'll be paranoid and delusional. But is a void that much better?

I don't want to be dependent on meds. Hopefully this is just temporary. Hopefully it's not schizophrenia. But the docs have no idea, and if they're in the dark, where am I?

First day of school went badly. Either boring or confusing. I hope tomorrow's better, but who's to say it will be? Who's to say I'll be any happier then? Maybe I will be when we get to eat lunch in the choir room again, but when will they let us do that? We're getting to burn things in Chemistry tomorrow, maybe that'll cheer me up. I honestly can't tell. My future's a complete unknown. There's supposed o be a plan. Shouldn't the doctors have this figured out by now? Shouldn't I?

At least I have my small group of friends, right? Right? Except only one of them even knows, and she doesn't really understand. The others have no idea of my handicap. They just think they'll talk to someone else, because I don't seem to want to talk as much.

Do I really have friends? I suppose I have at least one, but then again she doesn't have a clue what it's like to go through what I have. Most everyone else at least has the comfort in knowing that what they see is there. At least they can grasp something as seemingly simple as reality.

Well, I guess it could be worse.

Hugs.
There's some parts that it's like could've written it myself.