Do HPD's know they are lying?

I am a NON and about to be divorced. My HPD wife filed 6 months ago.

7 solid years, zero complaints whatsoever + tons of compliments, then the perfect storm happens to her (severedACL+surgery recovery+physical therapy+booze+stress+painkillers+sleep deprivation+food deprivation+even more stuff). Now she completely hates my guts all of a sudden and is accusing me of every negative thing SHE SAID ABOUT HERSELF over the years. Every loving attempt to communicate with her is labeled harrassment.... I give up.

In total I counted 147 lies....
Does she even realize she's projecting all her negative thoughts on me? Does she even realize she's lying about me?

Someone please help me understand this mess. I loved her so much.

And of course my innocent 5yo and 2yo are stuck dealing with something that went virtually unseen until only recently.....

sorry, links to other sites and forums are not allowed
http://www.psychforums.com/relationship/topic108967.html#p1078595

If yur goin thru the big D on her initiative the only thing u can do is ask her to go thru marital counseling. If she is HPD or whatever it will become more clear then. She might refuse to go.

I'd be concerned for the kids, as well.

To answer your question do HPDs know they are lying it all depends on the level of dissociation and the general severity of the disorder. When anyone comes to believe their own lies, though, this is like a delusion. Ironically it's probably a lesser sign of mental illness if they are consciously being disingenuous.

She's definitely HPD. I paid $2k for a PhD shrink to evaluate both of us. The reports completely nailed it and confirmed my theory. I just hope eventually her parents stop denying the truth and encourage her to get the help she needs.

We did 3 sessions of marital counseling last summer, just 6 weeks before she took the kids and left. I met with the counselor a few times after the bomb was dropped and he told me he was completely focused on her and believed she possibly had avoidant personality disorder.

After learning she had filed, my attorney proposed marital counseling again which was immediately shot down by the other side.

It's just absolutely insane some of the stuff she came up with to make me look bad.
I think the huge fabricated story about me is just a cover-up for another relationship she's interested in. Otherwise she couldn't have gotten all the support from her friends and family because I got along pretty well with all of them as far as I could tell. They knew me for the whole 7 years and even said things like "we're so glad she found him" and "he's great" and "perfect couple" etc.

And it's pretty obvious she buttered up the FOC guy. His recommendation was ridiculously one-sided and unfortunately for me and the kids he completely bought all the lies which flew right in the face of the mountain of evidence I provided.

Ce la vie, I guess....

If you honestly tried but she refused there's nothing left to do. If it were me I would look where I am at in terms of the greiving process...see posts in Relationship or HPD Forum by Masquerade re the grieving process. I would not hesitate to get counseling for your own mental and emotional health.
At a certain point you will have to let it all go and move on. Be prepared to document any instances of abuse to your children by her, and/or attempts by her to paint you as an abuser- HPDs especially when under stress can become as wrathful as a person with BPD, trying to blame you for their condition, rather than having to deal with it. When feeling vindictive, they can use the kids and visitation rights as a manipulative tool or even as a weapon against you. The most important thing is to establish and maintain firm and clear boundaries with her, yet not get disrespectful or antagonistic...that is the emotion charged game many HPDs want you to engage in.
Think of your kids...you might be the only source of stability and sanity in their lives. Stay healthy for them, for that good and deserving woman who is somewhere out there for you, and also for...YOU.
Orion

Thanks Orion. I know my purpose is to be a beacon of light for my children. All I can do for her at this point is pray.

Brighter days ahead....

147 lies..... although it's an impressive number, it's scares me to think of all the ones I don't know about yet that she's told her entire family. What will she tell my son and daughter? How much lower can she go?

Praying that God softens her heart. I truly loved her and would have done anything for my family.

If it were me I would look where I am at in terms of the greiving process...

I'm at a point in the grieving process where I know my relationship with my HPD is completely dead and beyond all hope. I actually just signed the final draft JOD last week. Our 6th year anniversary was 2 days ago, but it was just another day and nothing more. The woman I fell in love with and vowed to spend the rest of my life with simply either never existed and was just a figment of my imagination, or she really did exist at first and then slowly devalued me to the point where she's now a totally different person in my mind. Sad thing for our children is she ignored the problem for a very long time and pretended there was nothing wrong, and by the time it reared it's ugly head I was completely blindsided and totally powerless to stop her.

Think of your kids...you might be the only source of stability and sanity in their lives. Stay healthy for them, for that good and deserving woman who is somewhere out there for you, and also for...YOU.

I actually met someone fantastic about a month ago (at least in my mind she's fantastic)! She knows my story and respectfully has been taking things very slow with me. Tells me I'm worth the wait. It feels so wonderful to feel appreciated. Even though Sunday was just another day, my 2 year old daughter told the church daycare giver "my best friend is my daddy". It's moments like those that remind me to keep moving forward.....

ridingthewtfbus wrote:
I actually met someone fantastic about a month ago (at least in my mind she's fantastic)! She knows my story and respectfully has been taking things very slow with me. Tells me I'm worth the wait. It feels so wonderful to feel appreciated. Even though Sunday was just another day, my 2 year old daughter told the church daycare giver "my best friend is my daddy". It's moments like those that remind me to keep moving forward.....

Hey congrats bro that's awesome news, and inspiring to read

Hey congrats bro that's awesome news, and inspiring to read

Thanks Orion! Speaking of inspiring I really think this is the thread that helped me through the valley and begin climbing the other side of it.... Wanted to link it here simply because it was so incredibly uplifting for me....
http://www.psychforums.com/histrionic-personality/topic56748.html

Hi. I'm going to move this to our new forum for Significant Others and leave a shadow thread here so you can find your thread.