Power Play in Relationships

Tempest80 wrote:Very insightful.

I suspected that, but didn't think you had a clue.

-- Thu Dec 15, 2011 5:40 pm --

But... it seems like a very masochistic thing to do. Why punish yourself by holding grudges? That's one thing I've noticed, people with emotions tend to punish themselves quite frequently. Be it grudges, guilt, empathy etc... it looks like a constant state of self inflicted torture.

You may be right; then again you may just be a monarchist!

I have a clue about many things I do, but I do them anyway. Its part of my Yankee persistence.

I actually make exceptions to grudges all the time. I like to play the bad guy but secretly do good without letting people know.

Ever see the Akira Kurosawa film called Yojimbo? That was one of the things said about the bodyguard played by Toshiro Mifune by an old man in the film, that he pretended to be callous but secretly did things or thought differently than he said or let commonly be known.

There are many reasons to be that way in society. People do not like the nice guy.

michijo wrote: you may just be a monarchist!

Unlikely

michijo wrote:I actually make exceptions to grudges all the time. I like to play the bad guy but secretly do good without letting people know.

Is that how you balance out yelling a women you don't know on the street?

michijo wrote:Ever see the Akira Kurosawa film called Yojimbo?

I've never seen it, no.

michijo wrote:There are many reasons to be that way in society. People do not like the nice guy.

That depends, I mean... define 'nice'? People I interact with on a daily basis and for business would say I'm a nice person, when in fact, I'd gut them the first opportunity I had where I wouldn't get caught. I'll back stab and step on anyone to get what I want. Yet, people see me as nice... and they like me. I'm not a man of course, but you see the same in men as well.

There's also a different between nice and being a push over and nice and being introverted and nice and lacking self confidence.

I think it's more a lack of self confidence or what appears to be a lack of self confidence in someone that turns people off of that person.

A 'Don't give a ###$ bad boy image' doesn't always give off an image of self confidence.

Tempest80 wrote:There's also a different between nice and being a push over and nice and being introverted and nice and lacking self confidence.

I am probably different than you think in real life. I for instance am extremely stoic and can be yelled at right in my face in guttural German for an hour without showing any reaction. It has happened, a German man got one inch from my face and yelled at me for some minutes threatening violence but i didn't flinch at all.

Tempest80 wrote:I think it's more a lack of self confidence or what appears to be a lack of self confidence in someone that turns people off of that person.

I am not concerned with self-confidence. Someone can have self confidence and be a rotten bastard but come off as extroverted and smilingly good.

Tempest80 wrote:A 'Don't give a ###$ bad boy image' doesn't always give off an image of self confidence.

I have never put much stock in self-confidence. Its something that businessmen in suits are interested in, fake politicians, celebrities, and women. Often the people with self confidence are crooked or corrupt.

You have Stephen Harper in Canada. He is confident, cool, and in a suit. Women find him handsome, but is he such a nice character really? He subverted Parliament and democracy and holds power in Canada like a dictator.

michijo wrote: Often the people with self confidence are crooked or corrupt.

You're doing it again... stereo typing

michijo wrote:It has happened, a German man got one inch from my face and yelled at me for some minutes threatening violence but i didn't flinch at all.

I'd have sacked him within the few 2 seconds if not worse.

michijo wrote:I am not concerned with self-confidence. Someone can have self confidence and be a rotten bastard but come off as extroverted and smilingly good.

People with low self confidence can be real assholes as well. I'm just saying, people tend to be attracted to people who ooze self confidence and charm, more so then the asshole bad person image.

michijo wrote:I have never put much stock in self-confidence. Its something that businessmen in suits are interested in, fake politicians, celebrities, and women.

Men are as equally interested in self confidence as women are. I'm speaking from experience.

Tempest80 wrote:People with low self confidence can be real assholes as well. I'm just saying, people tend to be attracted to people who ooze self confidence and charm, more so then the asshole bad person image.

That maybe true, but what you actually do, the actions you make, are more important than whether or not you are an asshole. Its what you do "at the end of the day" that matters.

michijo wrote:I have never put much stock in self-confidence. Its something that businessmen in suits are interested in, fake politicians, celebrities, and women.

Tempest80 wrote:Men are as equally interested in self confidence as women are. I'm speaking from experience.

Well, here I am at least not a hypocrite, because women with less self-confidence are strictly more attractive to me, while extroverted women appear vulgar. The first woman I ever asked on a date was very shy in appearance. The self confident people I have met generally both men and women, were awful people, and often enough the more self confident of them were Christians who showed no care to follow their own dictates.

The fact is, one reason I am single, is the women in the state I live in are too extroverted in a redneck way that I find vulgar. A trend here amongst the women is drinking rye whiskey, if that means anything.

michijo wrote: women with less self-confidence are strictly more attractive to me, while extroverted women appear vulgar.

Extroverts can have low self confidence.

michijo wrote:the more self confident of them were Christians who showed no care to follow their own dictates.

If I ruled the world... christians would become extinct or live in fear of being exposed as one...

michijo wrote: the women in the state I live in are too extroverted in a redneck way that I find vulgar. A trend here amongst the women is drinking rye whiskey, if that means anything.

Gross, yes that does sound bad. Surely, they can't all be rye whiskey drinkers?

Tempest80 wrote:Extroverts can have low self confidence.

I am still not sure about what confidence is. I have self-control, and that seems preferably to confidence, though also I can behave like an extrovert: I can act silly, do a stupid dance, play with my cat, or run around acting like a big kid as well.

Tempest80 wrote:If I ruled the world... christians would become extinct or live in fear of being exposed as one...

Yes, Christians need to live in fear more. I think they reduce the overall intelligence of North Americans and are an oppressive force.

Tempest80 wrote:Gross, yes that does sound bad. Surely, they can't all be rye whiskey drinkers?

Nah, of course not. But I have noticed an increase in public proclamations of "toddy" drinking, which is a strange heated mixture of whiskey and honey or something, and also public stars like Lady Gaga have been saying they like whiskey. Now suddenly this redneck drink has become sort of mainstream hipsterish. I think it is a joke. Back in the day only winos on the street or people down south below the Mason Dixon line drank Whiskey. If you think about it, its probably a feminist statement. Though it seems more clever to drink cider. After all, cider is sweet, and it doesnt wreck your body like whiskey.

michijo wrote:I am still not sure about what confidence is.

High self esteem essentially

michijo wrote:Yes, Christians need to live in fear more.

I think to a certain degree, they already do live in fear. They fear their god whether they want to admit it or not.

michijo wrote:I think they reduce the overall intelligence of North Americans and are an oppressive force.

They definitely do. I've met only a few people who I would consider intelligent people who were christians and they were nothing like the masses. I'm non-religious but I have no issues with intelligent people who are, but unfortunately those are few and far between. Society is ###$, I agree with nothing about it.

michijo wrote: Though it seems more clever to drink cider. After all, cider is sweet, and it doesnt wreck your body like whiskey.

It does, but everything in moderation, saying that makes me a hypocrite, by the way. Not in regards to alcohol, but other things. I'm never consume alcohol, I can't. It always ended bad

I sense a love connection going on in here!

Tempest80 wrote:High self esteem essentially

Its hard to say though what that is. I have a fairly strong ego though. I mean, to go overseas you need a strong ego, and I have gone overseas a number of times, quite far away as well beyond Europe into Asia. I generally see myself as a survivor who will maintain himself even after others have fallen. I am not sure if that is high self esteem or merely a sense of self-preservation. In any case, my only lack of confidence is with women, and the reason is strange, because if they were attracted to me merely for my being confident, I couldn't forgive them for the superficiality of it. I am probably just not understanding something about women or the normal relationship between man and woman.

Tempest80 wrote:I think to a certain degree, they already do live in fear. They fear their god whether they want to admit it or not.

The Christians need to fear me.

Tempest80 wrote:They definitely do. I've met only a few people who I would consider intelligent people who were christians and they were nothing like the masses. I'm non-religious but I have no issues with intelligent people who are, but unfortunately those are few and far between. Society is ###$, I agree with nothing about it.

They conspire too much for power in the government and society in general. They have no humility. They lobby in Washington D.C. and believe all kinds of tripe about converting Jews to Jesus and going off on Missions, kidnapping Haitian children from their parents and putting them in orphanages, starting trouble with Muslims overseas and creating animosity. Its impossible to feel bad for them even if they get their heads chopped off and are boiled alive.

Tempest80 wrote:It does, but everything in moderation, saying that makes me a hypocrite, by the way. Not in regards to alcohol, but other things. I'm never consume alcohol, I can't. It always ended bad

I learned some way to drink moderately. I found the trick of it is in drinking only one pint dark beer. Thus when I buy one in the store, you might see me holding the bottle up to the light to see if the liquid is transparent. If I can see light through the liquid, I put it back. These are usually expensive, but I find I only need to drink the one pint and not get drunk. It generally improves my humor for the evening.