Had my first therapy session today!

OH Sans! I'm so happy you opened up and told him you had more to you than what he was seeing!!!!!
BRAVO!

That's a difficult hurtle to overcome!

Much of what's 'wrong' with us as PD's is that we generally try to hide the DEEP stuff, both from others and ourselves; but in breaking that bareier down, piece by piece, session by session, he WILL see the real you and the full spectrum of the condition keeps you captive.

I've noticed that you're quite open about your feelings and self obersvations here in the forum- have you considered takeing him a copy of some of the stuff you write here? Maybe writting some of the more difficult things you try to hide and handing them over to him while in session?
My thoughts are this:
- you know you have the issues and your articulate enough to write many interspective and inspiring things- I se it all the time here
- sometimes its that face to face telling of yourself that can be the most difficult, when you actually have to say it verbally and are forced to sit there and view the other person's reaction- very scary indeed!
- much of the fear, shame and lack of courage to 'fess up' can often be removed when merely writting, as opposed to these face to face encounters- correct?

So I think if you couldwrite it down, and bring it with you as a 'confession' of sorts, that could help get it out there and off your chest, with a bit more ease and lack of 'sugar coating' anything while trying to pass the message through dialog alone.

I used to do that with my shrink quite often; bring him in pieces of my writting and we would sit down and he'd have me read them aloud (I'm sure if you're not comfortable 'reading aloud' your therapist could read it in his head/aloud and you can discuss it's content afterwards) and examine thosethoughts and feelings after they were expressed in the written word.

Anyways, it's just a thought...

It's worked for me, as I find I'm very capable of purging things out of my mind hwhen I'm a faceless entity (less my picture, but I'd never see anyone from here in my real life to recodnize me) and that way you DO get the full acount with no holding back.

Gluck

And I AM very proud of your telling him that you have conserns about your diagnosis and stuff; but remember he only knows what YOU tell him and only sees what YOU present- it's on YOU to tell him the full story- k?

All the Best

Sans,

Have to agree with Musician. Someday, he is going to clue in, with cold hard facts and you will be faced with it, whether he is codependent or not. You may not be able to munipulate your way out of it, plus continue to cheat and get away with it. He will be aware, matter of time. You might risk loosing him, if you don't change. appears your trying to do this.

You seem to want to skirt around answering how you would handle that, saying it will never happen, because you are in control. What happens if your not?

The truth always seems to come out. Is your reluctance to answer that senerio if he reacts in a way you can't control, your own denial of that possibilty? The reason you continue to cheat, because you feel you will never get caught? Your too smart? "Can't happen to me" sort of thoughts. Again as Musicain said, It will. Matter of time.

I assume part of the reason or main reason, your are in therpay is to insure you will stop cheating?

I do respect, your honest answer to my questions and no it did not shock me at all. I expected it.

I assume you will be going through these questions and your answers when you are ready with your therapist.

Your are doing great and sure you will get through all this, as a better person and wife. I respect you for it. Many don't.

C&H

Musician924 wrote:Without knowing, I would say you are both around 30-35 (did i get that right?)

Actually, I just turned 25. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered you think I'm older or no? My husband is 33.

Alice- Thanks, hun. I've thought about showing him posts from here before. It is much easier to write them than speak them. I don't have any issues with the articulation, more the whole saying it and seeing what I perceive as the judging looks.

And you're right about him only being able to dx what I show him. That's why I'm trying to show him the other side of me. I hope we continue on as we did this time because I felt like it accomplished much more.

C&H wrote:The reason you continue to cheat, because you feel you will never get caught? Your too smart? "Can't happen to me" sort of thoughts. Again as Musicain said, It will. Matter of time.

I assume part of the reason or main reason, your are in therpay is to insure you will stop cheating?

I understand I am fallible. No one is perfect and it is possible that one day he may find out. But the reason I feel I won't get caught is because I never have before. Even as recently as 2 years ago I had a much more sexual affair and he was never the wiser.

I don't know that I'm in therapy to change. I guess I don't know why I'm there at all anymore. I went for some understanding of myself but now everyone thinks I'm trying to change and I'm not; for now. So, am I going for the wrong reasons? Why would I keep going then?

SansStars wrote: I don't know that I'm in therapy to change. I guess I don't know why I'm there at all anymore. I went for some understanding of myself but now everyone thinks I'm trying to change and I'm not; for now. So, am I going for the wrong reasons? Why would I keep going then?

Sans

I don't think it's possible to do therapy without change; in the very least it seems to speed up the natural rate of change that is involved in simple day to day living, i.e., without therapy. Everything and everybody is constantly changing, and now I'm recalling an old Buddhist aphorism: "suffering is clinging to that which is changes." When you understand yourself at a deeper level you automatically change. Not that I'm saying that you should do this that or the other in terms of your relationships, etc., but we all need to prepared for and welcome change.

Whatever they involve, may your changes always be good for you!

Orion

Hi Sans:
Thanks for clarifying your age. I was not far off, but thought i read you had been married 10 years. I must have mis-read or mixed you with another member, as 15 seems very young to be married...

Going back to what was said. Firstly what's good for the goose is good for the gander. As he is none of the wiser, perhaps you are neither, and he too is enjoying himself on his side with a girl here, and a woman there. However, assuming its not the case, if he is an attractive man (and i imagine him to be), he shall please other women, you shall slip up sooner or later, the tables shall turn, and you shall likely have to deal with that. I am not judging Sans, i am no angel, I am just fore warning you based upon your perception of control (which i believe to be nothing more than perception). For warned is fore armed; or a wise man/woman is worth two... !

Good luck in your therapy,
Musician

Sans Wrote: But the reason I feel I won't get caught is because I never have before. Even as recently as 2 years ago I had a much more sexual affair and he was never the wiser.

Thats because he never caught you and trusts you. You hid it.

Someday, you will get caught red handed. Matter of time before you do. Someone always finds out or even someone that knows you both will tell him. The truth will surface somehow.

Just because you didn't get caught before, does not mean you won't be caught in the future. That is wishful thinking.

If a robber ,robs a bank, he might get away with it. But if he continues to rob banks, he will eventually get caught.

The more you get away with it, the more caleless you will be and the worse your cheating will get. Matter of time.

Do you want that day to happen? How will he act then? Will he ever trust you again?

Therapy is the only answer, for you to see the reprocussions your actions may cause. Without it, your symptoms could get worse, as you feel you can getaway with those symptoms, with no reprocussions. So you will do it more.

Giving up on therapy is giving up on him and yourself.

If he left you, how would you feel? Would you care? Think about that, because it could be reality someday.

Sans..I only trying to point this out to you. The choice is yours and truly hope, therapy helps you see that.

Keep it up!

Thanks, Musician and H&C. I do appreciate the concern and I'll continue with my therapy as planned.

Actually, I just turned 25. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered you think I'm older or no?

Take it as a compliment Sans! You exude much more maturity and self awareness than most 25 year old women, especially considering you could have HPD- WOW!!! You're a real GEM Hunny

SansStars wrote:But really I don't have shame and I'm not embarrassed by my actions- I just know what I'm suppose to feel in a given situation and can portray my body into giving off those signals as well. Less conflicting words with actions makes me a much more effective manipulator.

I've read a number of your posts because your case interests me. You want to know who or what you are? You're a psychopath. You may have HPD and BPD traits but they are secondary to your core problem.

Regarding your therapist's reluctance to consider a personality disorder diagnosis, it may be because therapists in general don't like diagnosing anyone with a personality disorder because a person's personality is something that can't be changed or treated. So expect your therapist to keep shoving axis 1 disorders in your face.

If in fact you do have a personality disorder, the only thing you can do is equip yourself with some coping strategies (this part you know). But here is the thing, you are already using coping strategies, a lot, and quite successfully given your problem. Unfortunately for you, there are no coping strategies that can help you deal with the experience of your parent's love being cut off and the emotional bond broken. (Sex only goes so far in alleviating that feeling of being alone in the world.)

If you want to change, which I know you don't, you will have to start trusting people. You will have to somehow learn to love and form emotional connections with others; however, even if you wanted to change, I don't believe you could as personality is just too engrained.

So long as you feel unlovable, distrustful of humanity, and emotionally disconnected from others, you'll continue to wander this earth a corpse, telling people what they want to hear and playing the part so that you get what you want but not quite because what you really want is to be loved but you're incapable of giving or receiving love and so you're f*cked.

Good luck.

serena_littlefield wrote:

SansStars wrote:But really I don't have shame and I'm not embarrassed by my actions- I just know what I'm suppose to feel in a given situation and can portray my body into giving off those signals as well. Less conflicting words with actions makes me a much more effective manipulator.

I've read a number of your posts because your case interests me. You want to know who or what you are? You're a psychopath. You may have HPD and BPD traits but they are secondary to your core problem.

Regarding your therapist's reluctance to consider a personality disorder diagnosis, it may be because therapists in general don't like diagnosing anyone with a personality disorder because a person's personality is something that can't be changed or treated. So expect your therapist to keep shoving axis 1 disorders in your face.

If in fact you do have a personality disorder, the only thing you can do is equip yourself with some coping strategies (this part you know). But here is the thing, you are already using coping strategies, a lot, and quite successfully given your problem. Unfortunately for you, there are no coping strategies that can help you deal with the experience of your parent's love being cut off and the emotional bond broken. (Sex only goes so far in alleviating that feeling of being alone in the world.)

If you want to change, which I know you don't, you will have to start trusting people. You will have to somehow learn to love and form emotional connections with others; however, even if you wanted to change, I don't believe you could as personality is just too engrained.

So long as you feel unlovable, distrustful of humanity, and emotionally disconnected from others, you'll continue to wander this earth a corpse, telling people what they want to hear and playing the part so that you get what you want but not quite because what you really want is to be loved but you're incapable of giving or receiving love and so you're f*cked.

Good luck.

.........