Diet / health sabotage

Good for you for exercising and reviving this post. A while ago I brought up food stuff too. Major issue.

I don’t have any great ideas for you ... I struggle also with food. One thing I’ve noticed is that sweets start a craving - not unlike an alcoholic having a drink. I seem to do better not eating the sweets and finding non food treats -little gift, flowers, manicure if that’s of interest. I tend to buy a bouquet of flowers as a treat .

The other thing is there’s a 12 step program for overeaters / binge eaters that can help.

Hang in there

Thanks LadySlippers.

I dunno if we'd do well on a 12 step program... it feels like we'd want something specific for DID people lol.

We're actually sorta active on a diet/fitness site, where we log meals and excercise and stuff, and we participate in one of their forums too. Well, previous host was a lot more active there. We're still there but quieter.

Kinda funny in a way trying to relate to folks talking about like, craving this or that, and be like "yeah, there's these kids in our head who really want icecream, and then there's this guy in our head who took over last week and made us go buy a bunch of snack-food, or that time we literally blacked out and then found a box of donuts in the kitchen, but have amnesia for how they got there."

I guess for now we'll do what we can, control what we can, and try and reason with the rest about thigns. Like try and keep the snacks and treats to a reasonable level. And keep up with the daily excercising... even if we don't lose weight we can at least stay fit.

V2

Lol. I go to this open air market and used to wonder why I would buy such a variety of snacks /foods-I get it.
Good for you exercising and staying consistent with that. Think that helps a lot .

I do find if I plan my meals and snacks I tend to binge less ( this is helpful thing I picked up from OA where I went for several years).

It's true that heavy is more invisible and safer around some people some of the time. But it's decidedly less safe around others. Overall, lithe and fit means greater strength and speed and a healthy body is more likely to result in clear-headed decision-making when that's needed.

When faced with challenging situations, an athlete is going to have an advantage over a hefty couch potato most of the time.

"Food" for thought for some alters and we may have somebody who once thought like that. Gaining weight may have worked when younger, when options were limited. There are better options when you're an adult. But alters may not know or accept the body is older.

Hmm, yes, I think it's another balancing act:
- try to see what is behind the needs/wants/urges (is there another way to get that need met? Is the belief still relevant/true/helpful for the current situation?)
and
- try to come up with some tools that are helpful (like TheGangsAllHere's rule of one desert).

I tend to undereat and/or worry a lot about having enough food. It's helped us to establish the rule of having three meals a day at set times (and one or two snacks). This reduces the debate over whether it is time to eat, whether it's enough/too much, etc. But you'd need quite a lot of cooperation for that to work out (and for us, even though it usually works, there are more than enough days that it doesn't). Especially if there's an underlying reason/belief for your (or others') behaviour, it can be a battle to stick to something like that. Maybe when your therapist is back, you could also try to talk about it with them?

Thanks for the replies everyone.

It's a puzzle we're still going back and forth on. Like, we've had a handful of people comment or suggest that our DID awareness is somehow linked to or a result of the physical health situation. Basically to the outside observer, we lost like 225 pounds and became very physically active, then had a mental breakdown and became a different person.

OTOH we're pretty sure that if there's any link, it's the other way around - the internal walls were crumbling, previous host could see herself changing, her desires and opinions and goals were changing, and part of that was 'forcing' her to diet and excercise. Two things she didn't want or enjoy, or care about. And after 2+ years of these changes being 'forced' on her, and observing the changes in her personality etc, that she finally broke down and went away.

Anyways, it's not hard at all to imagine that someone, or more than one someone, wants to go back to the 'safety' and 'familiarity' of being heavy. Our best friend, who also struggles with weight, has described it as being like a big warm safety blanket that's always wrapped around you. Even if we know and acknowledge intellectually that it's unhealthy, dangerous, etc, there is still some level of comfort because it's familiar and 'safe' in its own way.

It does feel though like we're dealing with a few different issues. Eg. the littles just want a snack or treat now and then. I don't think for them it's a case of 'wanting to be fat'. I'm pretty sure they don't even know they're sharing the same body with us, like they don't perceive the outside body as theirs, so being heavy isn't a concept for them.

Mike has flat out stated that he thought we were safer (at least from outside threats) but we thought he'd backed off on that. There may be another part or parts who just want to go back to the way it was. We suspect there was another 'side' to our previous host, a Stephanie-2 as such, who's still with us. She would be the one who is carrying a lot of denial for DID, and may also be longing for things to return to what's familiar to her.

We'll figure it out, I'm sure. It's just going to take some time and some work, to get it all sorted and get everyone on-board with a solution that works for all of us.

Violet 1

So relatable indeed, I just makes sure those on the offense can understand the need to emotional over eat. My system has a mix of those what will over eat and can be on extreme diets. When I want to overeat there are ways to sharer so that there at least some easing of the mind. Sometimes it is still happening then at least it
will look like this below

1. I just share that at least there is small bites and forks of food
2. I just make sure I share with food that I'm picking small pieces of food at a time
3. I elicit help to more of my health ones that we are using several snacks a day as diets allows to do when there is cooperation on several sides for either of the issue.
5. Sometimes I mention how when we are at gatherings it is automatic two hot dogs and two hamburger and at least two plates at a buffet, some things even out. ( at the very least it is better than weed and alcohol to numb out definitely needed) Everything is talkings mans game who ever wins out wins out it is not about how extreme or well put together after a certain phase. Zonks my image folks are here well at least I wasn't high functioning in this area lmao!!!!!

Revisiting this topic again because it's still plaguing us. It feels like every time we make some progress, make new resolutions, come to some new agreement or plan, that lasts a little while then it falls apart again.

Especially now, after we had a surgery last month, and trying to get back on track again. The surgery wasn't directly related but it was to repair damage that had occured because we had been so fat in the past.

There's a couple things that I think we're uncovering.

It feels like we 'figured' this out already but then we forgot it again. Or we keep figuring it out and then keep forgetting it.

Sometimes it feels like we're sorta 'food obsessed'. Like, before we're even finished eating breakfast we're figuring out what lunch will be. And dinner. Like sometimes food is a big worry or fear.

And we sometimes will eat past being full. Like just, eat everything available, compusively. I think we've done this for so long that it's difficult to even recognize the 'full' sensation.

*** trigger warning - neglect, parental stuff ***

We think both of these things might be related to being neglected when in foster care - if we were left to go hungry, then we would never know when being fed would be our last time, so we probably would have wanted as much as possible whenever we were fed.

The 'clean your plate' / 'eat everything' thing could also be from being raised with those sorts of parents - you have to eat everything on your plate or you're not allowed to leave the table. Both our parents were raised back when food was precious and limited so they couldn't concieve wasting it. Our mum was a depression kid.

So we had the whole 'starving children somewhere' guilt trip. The 'food is expensive' guilt trip. The 'your mother worked hard on this meal so appreciate it' guilt trip. Or straight up punishment for not eating everything. All those ploys to force us to eat even if full.

*** end trigger warning ***

So it's possible at least some of this stuff is coming from our early childhood. Maybe Claire, maybe another part we don't know yet.

That's in addition to the outright sabotage or whatever, from parts who just don't care about dieting and want to eat whatever they like regardless.

I spoke with Viola yesterday cos she's one of those parts who likes to eat what she wants and damn the diet. We sorta negotiated a deal... we'll see how it plays out. She tends to be out on Fridays (i forget how that came about) so we'll see tomorrow if she sticks to the plan.

V1 was supposed to be working on diet and excercise again, but... I honestly don't know. I don't feel her. I'm afraid she's simply gone... I haven't heard from her or felt her since July.

And since I'm here most of the time now, I feel like I gotta be the one to take charge of this stuff.

Violet

this thread is definately relatable.

yesterday some little wanted a sweet treat and I said we couldn't because of our weight.

I'm not sure who but know it was a young part said, "I'm not fat. you're fat." like our body doesn't affect her. and her food choices don't affect the body. part of the problem for me in making healthy choices involves being aware that I am making a choice. and being aware that I should be making healthy choice.

and even though there's all these problems associated with weight. there's a certain safety in it. being fat gives me some invisibility. it feels like safety. like nobody will target me for assault.

it's hard to unravel this complex web but I'm trying.

I have even thought about tattooing something on my wrist to remind me I have to eat healthy. because I swear. forgetting that it matters feels like 80% of my problem.

Hi BeccaBee,

We get that with our littles too. Like, Melissa wants icecream and doesn't feel like it affects her, like the calories don't count to her cos she's inside, or something like that. It's a struggle that we don't want to deny them but we need to figure out how to deal with it.

We also get the invisibility thing. Mike pointed it out clearly to us. I think he's backed off on actively trying to sabotage us, but he still likes what he likes. And he's a lot more active lately. Or at least, I'm noticing him a lot more, as he's taking over and dealing with things a lot.

This morning after breakfast I could feel this... almost panicy feeling that we had to get to the grocery store and stock up because we're out of a few things. But like, there's literally enough food in the house to last till Sunday lol. It's just, yeah, we're out of a couple things, but we're not out of food. But still, there was this sense of panic like OMG we don't have X or Y in the house, we hafta go buy more immediately!

And I also could feel another... emotion or whatever, that if we went to the grocery store, there'd be an urge to buy junkfood. Like, we're here anyways so get some chips. Or cookies. Or whatever.

I don't know if the two things are connected, like someone was trying to manipulate us to get to the grocery store, so that they could get junkfood. Or if they were separate and the 2nd one was just looking to cash in on the first one.

I do think its related to the neglect... the panic at least. The fear that if we're out of X, that it's gone forever unless we urgently get more.

The really frustrating thing is we did fine for 2 friggin years. We dieted, excercised, lost weight. It wasn't till the breakdown and the DID awareness that the whole diet thing started to falter and fall apart.

Violet