Diet / health sabotage

go easy on yourself. I think having food security is a HUGE issue when you come from a background of neglect. you eat every meal like it might be your last. even when there's enough food stockpiled to last the apocalypse.

and then so many on the inside wanting.

I read all the messages and just wanted to add that this is a general issue of being a Human, no matter your situation, DID or not...so on...

Health and weight are always challenges, so don't be too hard on yourself, anyone and everyone out there!

We have issues with it, but on the other side of the coin, in not eating enough. We can try to be 'perfect' and this doesn't work. Sometimes we have a super healthy week, other times not so much, but we've realised long term thats ok!

Good luck!

Ooo, food diaries really helped us to remember what we eat over a week or month, as well as watching TV shows like 'Queer Eye' and stuff for ideas and inspirations, which are 100% healthy and not shaming.

VioletFlux wrote:Sometimes it feels like we're sorta 'food obsessed'. Like, before we're even finished eating breakfast we're figuring out what lunch will be. And dinner. Like sometimes food is a big worry or fear.

And we sometimes will eat past being full. Like just, eat everything available, compusively. I think we've done this for so long that it's difficult to even recognize the 'full' sensation.

The past couple days we've uncovered some clues or hints, that we may be dealing with a previously-unknown part. One who is still dealing with the traumas of our early neglect.

Like our youngest (known) part Claire is stuck with depression and isolation and loneliness of the neglect, we think this other part may be holding onto the feelings of starving, being left to go hungry. Like, they're always hungry, always afraid there won't be any food.

Our insiders Rebecca and L---- have confirmed some of our thoughts on this... we knew there was at least one more part still stuck in the deep darkness with Claire, and it sounds like this part might be at least some of the reason we have this ongoing problem with food.

I don't know yet how we can go about remedying things... it's not going to be an easy fix, I know that for sure. But it feels like, we're at least making some slow progress in understanding.

Violet

We suffer from pcos, but we feel most comfortable when we have some weight but we aren't obese. We feel safer then but not like we'll be at risk of health issues. The body is around 90kg (but we do sit heavy on our bones so we're probably around 80-85).
I and some others do get food obsessed we like to eat it so it's gone so it can't be stolen among some other things
We try with pcos diet plans (pcos can make it hard to lose weight)
But we just can't. It gives us anxiety
We feel pretty the way we are anyway.

J.

I really started to gain weight ten years ago after my mother died.

it's hard to unravel if THATS why. because so many things were happening at that time. I had a kid, hit thirty, moved to office work. had food security. like why? why do I keep gaining 10-15lbs every year? for a while I was ok with it. but now it really is a health thing. and I have to fix it. part of me thinks why doesn't matter but part of me thinks it does. if I can understand why it will be easier to fix.

but if I set aside the why's I do feel like I am beginning a new chapter in my life. in other ways and things. and I want being strong and fit and healthy to be part of my new chapter. the hardest thing for me is just remembering.

oh. inside is saying the resin we gain wait is because we have access to food now and never learned to say no. back then we didn't have food or access to a lot of food so eating whenever I could was just normal and fine and I rarely overdid it. but then we had the kid and had a good job and stared eating a lot. lunches and office stuff and cooking dinner for kid. oh!!!!!!! oh! LIGHTBULB. cool!!!!

so yeah - I don't always remember that I am fat. and so I don't always make good food choices. or I eat too much too often. more restaurant meals. and that's a habit born of food insecurity. to eat whenever you have the chance. but I don't remember now that I have food security and I am overweight so I need to not eat. or eat less, less often. anyway. I have thought about a tattoo on my wrist but we don't make those kinds of changes to the body. so I was thinking about getting a stamp that I could just stamp on my wrist to help me remember. and I guess maybe having a plan for what I eat. like a food budget or something would help.

I really like this thread. I just had a big aha moment.

BeccaBee wrote:so yeah - I don't always remember that I am fat. and so I don't always make good food choices. or I eat too much too often. more restaurant meals. and that's a habit born of food insecurity. to eat whenever you have the chance. but I don't remember now that I have food security and I am overweight so I need to not eat. or eat less, less often. anyway. I have thought about a tattoo on my wrist but we don't make those kinds of changes to the body. so I was thinking about getting a stamp that I could just stamp on my wrist to help me remember. and I guess maybe having a plan for what I eat. like a food budget or something would help.

I really like this thread. I just had a big aha moment.

Hi BeccaBee! This last paragraph really struck me, I think I feel this too sometimes. Like I constantly forget what the body really looks like. I just see me, and I'm not fat. Or old or ugly lol. So yeah it's easy to forget that and then I thnk its easy for others to influence or help towards eating more or eating wrong things because those times you just don't remember its a problem.

I wouldn't want a wrist tatoo either. How about a bracelet tho? We've seen ones you can make with letter beads, you could like spell out a message in it or a word to remind you, or something like that? Or one of those bracelets with the little baubles you can change and all... charm bracelet?

For us, we started gaining weight around puberty and for a long while we thought it was related to that. But we think now it's actually because around that age we started being able to make our own choices. Make some of our own meals, buy snacks and junk food at school or whatever. I think it wasn't due to puberty it was just that we started to have some food autonomy and so started eating too much.

Violet

Wow! It seems like a lot of posts are related to our current issues. Reading our minds?!? Not buying the stuff was our first thought. But stuff just keeps magically appearing! We have an issue with the act of hiding purchases of anything..being sneaky. On the positive side we agreed to buy individual wrapped servings. We established a free day. Not an overeating or stuffing day but insiders can say what they want or are desiring for our Sunday special. They decide, plan, purchase, look forward to Sunday treat day. We can adjust our Sunday diet to accommodate. In many ways our protectors felt the same as yours. It was hard to convince them they were strong, intuitive about people & very competent to protect us from threats. One went to the gym with us to stay physically strong for his protection duties. Another was given big brother duties over younger ones. He has hardest job! Others have what our T calls secret service duties....always on alert. Tried to emphasise things we *could* do as a result of being more healthy....hiking, rock collecting (ones thing!), longer dog walks, new things to try. Keeping hands busy with something other than food during TV time & at night was vital. Dieting friends suggested coloring books, we also have play dough, that fidget thing, legos etc. Younger ones are great at multitasking. Hope this helps. Following for other ideas for us too.

Back on this topic again. The past 4 or 5 or 6 weeks we have made a lot of bad choices. Or, we've chose to ignore the food / eating situation and not think about it until the new year. Which is now.

So we are through the holidays and the last of the 'naughty' food has been cleared out of our fridge and freezer and cupboard. Did the grocery shopping yesterday and only bought healthy stuff.

Today we are starting, yet again, to try to control our eating & food choices. Previous host (with V1's influence) did this for 2 solid years and had a lot of success. If we can do it for another 2 years we'll be awesome.

I'm afraid tho, that like the last N attempts, we'll start off doing well and then something will happen and we'll slip up or forget or decide ###$ it and fall back into the old habits.

Just keep trying I guess.

V2

we've had our first healthy grocery haul in months.
It really helps when you are good at cooking...
and creative about snacking.
we started another food log, where we write down day, time and food we've eaten.
just to see where we are going.
and because it helps to see that we've already eaten a sandwich an hour ago.
or that we are obviously up to a binge.
just the fact that we are writing it down changes the eating behavior.

Congrats birdsong87! Yeseterday we did our first healthy grocery haul in a while.

I don't know that we're good with cooking but we know how to make a few things we enjoy. And once we get into a routine we like the consistency, like we can eat the same thing day after day without getting bored or whatever. Makes meal planning and shopping a lot easier.

And we've resumed our food logging too. We have an account on a diet / health website so we put the stuff in there and it counts the calories and macros etc, and we can track workouts on there and all that stuff.

I know it's just one day, not even, just ahalf day so far, but I am feeling pretty good today. Maybe just the intention and maybe more of us are on board with it at the moment?

V2