for the protectors [venting and advice]

sounds like its time for some grounding.
any way to get away from the parents and ex friend topic for a while?
is there something that needs to be fixed because of that moderator job?

Iain freaked out over a trigger today. I keep telling him not to feel bad about it. It's not like he could help it. Anyway I respect people saying what they need to say. He's blaming himself pretty hard for it though. He's such a perfectionist.

Colin

Colin: K read about your incident and felt for you.

I dislike the Boy (K's husband). He is weak in spirit and in flesh, I'm 100 times more of a man he is. He is a closet drunk just like K's daddy. K is most of the time in denial of how that is effecting the littles. She wouldn't say he's a closet drunk, she'd say that he is in the habit of relieving stress with weekend beer zipping or something. That stupid b****. I see this marriage coming to an end, K doesn't. She so idealistic, f*n hippie. All I asked for the boy was to have an prenup (after K and he got married, it's possible where we live). He refused, which is a sign that he's about to profit from us economically. K and him have discussed the beer drinking, the prenup and all but nothing ever changes. K thinks that he is basically good-enough-of-a-man and she believes in love and all that s***. But I just can't see what's in it for us really.

I hear you. I hate it when I see a problem and Host avoids the whole topic. If he doesn't like the way I handle things he needs to fix it himself.

Colin

IainEtc wrote:If he doesn't like the way I handle things he needs to fix it himself.

This.

Well me and K talked with the Boy. I hated it but it seemed to calm the littles down a bit. The Boy knows that alcohol use is a trigger to some of us and understands it. However, it doesn't change his drinking habits. (He drinks mostly beer on weekends, not great amounts, but somewhat compulsively) We are not sure, if it supposed to. K respects individuality and hates the idea of controlling others. I think the same, kind of.

Still, I think it's 'funny' that the Boy hasn't made any effort to decrease his drinking, even though he knows that some of us got very hurt with this booze thing.
(As a kid K used to plead his daddy to 'not drink too much'. She was the only one who acknowledged his alcohol problem and tried to save him. Daddy treated her as a spoilsport for that. The man died last march, as a result of alcoholism.) I see a pattern here, K refuses to. She says that the Boy isn't (like) the old man. But how can she be sure? I f*n need to be sure! K says that we don't need to be sure, in order to be safe. We can always leave if the s*** hits the fan. If I'd decide it, we'd get rid of the Boy in advance. But K "loves" the husband, T "kind of diggs" the boyfriend, Mama thinks that he is a good parent to have around on daily basis. So... that's it. I'm basically trapped here. The Boy asked if there is something that he could do for us. Aww, he being so nice. I'm not buying his s***, he's just manipulating us. Just like they all are. God I hate people. (K says that I shouldn't make such generalizations and I ought not to offend.). But the fact is that all people I ever came across with were, from head to toes, pure s***.

O-O

Five-year-old wrote:We can always leave if the s*** hits the fan.

I'm not there so I don't know but how close is the sh*t to the fan?

My 2 cents - if the Littles are freaked out something is wrong. I don't like kids getting hurt.

Colin

Yeah, why does it have to wait until the sh*t hits the fan for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourselves? You deserve better.

Just sayin'.

Laura, Big Joe, Reckless, and Twelve

You guys seem to understand.

The thing is that some of us are prone to think that our misery and chaos is a constant. That what we deserve is unclear. Or what is healthy for us, somewhat unclear. Especially when it comes to men.

Yesterday evening did not go smoothly in the end. Someone of us got quite mad after some of us confided to the Boy about some disturbing s**** that we've been going through (memories? relating to SA). In the end we felt like he just walked away from us, stated that "you ought to have an inner discussion" and "you can eat my Twix if you want.". Then he went to his man cave to do what he likes the most: watching s**** and drinking beer. One moment later, we winded up wrestling with a knife etc. (K's daughter was asleep.) It felt like it was none of us who did it, rather someone 'new'. Idk. The bottom line is that we don't seem to get our act together around the Boy.

Today, divorce was discussed with him (once again). He doesn't want a divorce. He just says, that "You'll learn to cope with this/ you will learn to control this." Like we haven't tried.

It's not like he is bad or anything. I'm the official bad guy and a looney. The boy and we just don't get along being ourselves. To me, he is a trigger that needs to be erased. We cannot carry on living like this. We feel like we are alone in this relationship, I rather exchange it to 'chosen' solitude. But K and Mommy are on the other hand so pro status quo, being newly married, pregnant etc. A house bought just a year ago, kids, Disneyland, happy happy ever after.

So having a knife party should count as a s*** hitting the fan. I've been violent myself, but I see that it's not working for us. I just need some peace around here. The more bad we become, the more we think we deserve only bad. There are f*n kids involved here, Mommyyy!

O-o

You deserve a good life. We all do. Sometimes we have to fight for it though.

I'm hearing about all the shooters and people getting hurt. Makes me seriously mad. I want to buy a Glock. We can afford it and I know where we can get a concealed carry license. Host and T say No Way. I'm trying to calm down but its hard right now. I need to DO something!

Colin

Colin: Safety and survival, I hear you.

I've noticed that sometimes survival isn't what I've thought it would be. Or what it used to be.

Things are more peaceful here, for now. We discussed with the Boy. It seems that we confuse him with some people from the past. Things get mixed up a lot. I'm not saying I trust him, I still don't. It's just that he's not anyone but himself. And I don't really know him that well yet. We agreed that we ought to express our needs more openly to him. For example, he wants us be straight forward about it if we'd would like him to refrain from beer drinking during some weekends etc. Being open feels counter-intuitive to me. It feels like I'm putting our survival into jeopardy.

We had a session today. The T lady was annoying as hell. Asking her questions and all, felt like we were lying all the time, no matter what we said. After the session host though she has a factitious syndrome or something, that she is making this all up. Things are in constant change. I'm not who I used to be anymore. That makes it even harder for her to comprehend. I can talk and write constructively nowadays. It makes her think that I never existed, I don't know if I exist myself. F*** this. I'm tired.

O-o