for the protectors [venting and advice]

Daemon - I think we would see eye to eye on most things. Not only are we in the same boat minding everyone but we think along the same lines.

Plume- nice to meet you

Dillon - we see ourselves as a collective like the borg from star trek lol we don't care who says it as long as it gets said. If your system is the same then work away. Why else are we here if not to say the hard hittting stuff when others can't? Sometimes I'll blurt out the sentence like "I'm depressed for a long time and we need to talk about it" and one of the girls can take it from there if they think they can handle the situation better. I'm grand for the initial blow or an argument or deflecting qs but if its one of those emotional convos tbh I'm just dying to get out of it. Play to your strengths man and pass the ball when needed. None of us have depression but it looks like hell, get your host sorted and take no $#%^ if he pulls the I wanted to here it from the host crap

Happy protecting guys. the

Nobody's posted for a while but I want to keep this thread alive. I need a place where people understand protectors. I'm not mean I just don't want Host to get sloppy and get us hurt.

Our injury is healing - finally! But now we're so out of shape it's pitiful. Can't do sh*t! It got so hard to sit around and heal up I finally had to bury myself inside. Now I'm back and looking forward to getting sh*t done around the place.

Any other protectors out there?

Colin

Hi Colin. Thanks for reviving this thread.

How do you guys deal with the host's family when you have to live with them and all they do is argue between each other all the time? It's very aggravating but Viola doesn't want me to lash out because she's afraid of being treated like her brother who is very confrontational and vocal. So what should I do?

I hate being around Host's family. I have to hang on tight so I don't do something stupid. Luckily we have a deal with Host to limit time and take breaks. He understands we have limits. That's way better than it used to be. He also takes responsibility for his family so we don't have to.

Good luck.

Colin

I don't like Plume's mother, she is a control-freak and it's not normal at the age of Plume. She's got 20yo, not 15, and she's far more mature than her mother most of the time. But her mother have an adventage because Plume have a strong avoidant personality and just can't go in an argument. I do my best to help her, but it's not easy at all...
So every time we have to argue with her mother because she go to far, I put myself co-present with Plume and it's mostly me who "talk" with her mother. It can be funny, because the last time we did this, she said "I don't recognize you when we talk seriously like this... you look almost mean to me". Well, mom...
All of this to say we don't have the answer to "how deal with the stupid family ?" yet. I would say "run away now", but it not always works... If someone had it...

- Daemon

Oh yes. Sometimes Host's mom says things like - "I just don't know who I'm dealing with". Makes me laugh. I'm thinking - Trust me, lady. You don't want to know.

Host used to get bent out of shape about having such different feelings when it came to family. Now he accepts (mostly) that he's multiple it's better. He knows I'm trying to protect us. He just has a hard time accepting that we need it. I'm not crazy. His family will hurt you if you give them a chance. And they expect us to just go along with it. F- that! We grew up (well, most of us).

Colin

God, it's exactly that. I can't help myslef smiling when she says that kind of stuff.

And yeah, I know what kind of family it is... Plume did what she can to cut off every link with the family related to her father, to much dysfunctional, but the family related to her mother is still there, and I don't like them that much. Specially her mother. We all want to be independante and go away from the mother's house. Normaly, only two years to wait and we'll go.

[b]- Daemon[/d]

Good luck with moving out. We had to get a long way from Host's family before we could calm down. I mean Protectors got to protect, right? If Host's family pushes the button we're right there wanting to get in their faces. The only way it's worked is by Host being pretty strict about contact with them. We negotiate time with his family. Got to do some but there are limits he respects so we don't blow a gasket.

Colin

moving out must have been one of the best choices in our life.
we stayed home while going to college to save money. then shared an apt to save money. the first home was far from cool, the room mate drove me crazy!! but it was away from family.
for us... we had to leave family behind. not worth it. the mother is manipulating like $#%^ and when i see her it takes about 3 minutes til i explode. when we were younger she used to make fun of me, but not now. not since we have a body that could easily kill her.

trying to help C with that situation... Mike is teaching us non-violent communication. that would be an "I-message" like this
i feel...... when you do...... and i need to feel.....
just make sure its a feeling, not a thought about people and that its an observation of what they do without judgement.
like: i feel scared/uncomfortable/ when you raise your voices and yell at each other and i need to feel valued/save whatever.
it does work if people care about you. everything else about nonviolent communication is pretty hard to explain and hard to do...

I don't know what to do... I'm at control for two time in two days, it never happened before.
They talked about parents at work, and Plume get anxious because of that. Yesterday she began to wonder if her girlfriend didn't make a mistake by loving her, and hopefully we (me and her girlfriend) do the wright things to do and she was reassured.
But today, they talked about parents again, also it was the last working day and Plume really enjoy this work so she feel sad about it. And when she go to the forum where she's moderator, her ex-best friend who let her down like sh*it was back on it even if she said that she go away from the forum. It was to much for her, she go upset so far and said inappropriate things, things she shouldn't say on a public thread where not everybody know what happenned between her two, things she shouldn't said because she's moderator... I didn't do anything because this forum wasn't my job, but when her girlfriend tried to calm her and showed she was worried, Plume begin to think that her girlfriend don't understand anything and can't accept her anger. She know it's not true, but at this moment...
So I come out before things go out of control, I like her girlfriend and Plume was ready for a useless agument who will hurt them both. Weird to come out to stop an argument before it happen... usualy, I'm the one who start or handle it...
Anyway, I'm worry about Plume. I know when we're co-present she can feel almost only what I feel and calm down, but I don't like doing this that often...

and I forgot name again... so much unusual...
- Daemon