for the protectors [venting and advice]

Well, she came this moring and appologize. I understand, but I lose some of the trust I had for her. I'll be more carefull now.
- Daemon

OMG Ian and Colin ! We like this idea !
- All of us


Hi Sol, and welcome here !

What works for me is talking. I talk with her, explain the best I can how I feel about things and why I think she should did this or that. When she understand, she let me do my job and it's easier for me to protect her.
Maybe it will works for you.
- Daemon

Hello.
I am not entirely sure if this is the right topic to post this, however I have a huge problem with one of the Alters. Since I'm the oldest one, they all call me Mother, as I view them as my children. One of them, Hyon, the only male in the system, is quite stubborn and also refuses to talk to any one of us, as he despises our feminine nature. Furthermore, he wishes to change the body of our Host into a more masculine, more boyish body, however the body is anything but boyish, which is why Hyon often wishes to take testosterone to go through a transition and become a boy on the outside. I don't agree with this and I'm sure none of the others would agree either. I have thrown away Hyon's jeans, which were bought from the male shop, as well as the plaid shirts that simply looked awful and didn't suit our Host in any way.
That isn't the only problem, Dakota (the one dealing with Body Dysmorphia and Eating Disorder) considers helping him achieve his dreams, as her only goal is to become emaciated, lose the breasts and become sickly thin, to be perfect for a boy. This is a very dangerous process and I do not approve of it. This body should not be ruined.
I am trying to find a way to satisfy both sides, but I have no idea how to turn something so delicate and so feminine into something that could be also boyish.

Welcome Sol and Zombiephobiac!

This is a good place.

Colin

Host's stupid mother is moving HERE! I can't stand the woman. Don't trust her as far as I can spit! Don't know why she has to come here and screw up our life! If Host thinks I'm going to be nice about this he's crazy. She's even getting Host to help her move. I'm pissed as sh*t!!! Leave the stupid b*tch where she is! She's not our problem!

Colin

IainEtc wrote:Host's stupid mother is moving HERE! I can't stand the woman. Don't trust her as far as I can spit! Don't know why she has to come here and screw up our life! If Host thinks I'm going to be nice about this he's crazy. She's even getting Host to help her move. I'm pissed as sh*t!!! Leave the stupid b*tch where she is! She's not our problem!

Colin

fuq.

this is bad. what the hell?

i have a difficult time fronting a lot unless my host suddenly dissociates or can't handle a situation, etc.. i'm a protector and a fragment at the same time and it's extremely frustrating (not to mention adds to the insecurities that make me doubt how legitimate i am at times.)

my host has such extremely poor executive dysfunction that it leeches into me and makes it near impossible to gather energy to front- let alone stay fronting. it comes down to it feeling like it's up to him whether or not i'm allowed to front, if that makes sense. (and then it takes forever to be mostly conscious on my own and not just mostly him with hints of me sort of there. or a weird blur of the two of us where neither of us can tell who's who or what's there. switching is ridiculous and i wish it was quicker. it literally takes up to an hour before i'm mostly conscious-- so movies with portrayals of people with did instantly switching alters perfectly without notable triggers or transitions is frustrating to me. is it SUPPOSED to be that easy? how do i /do/ it that easily. i would love more energy to exist, that'd be lovely.)

it's just frustrating when i'm the only one who can manage helping him through things he can't get through himself. his autism + avpd combination makes it near impossible to even get him to go outside, and he needs to goddamn move out before christmas.

i suppose i just want to be more than a 'beck and call' sort of thing. i want to show up when i want to show up. and i want to be able to tell more easily. right now the only surefire way i've been able to tell it's me is that almost every time i'm fronting there's just relative calmness, irritability, and a mild headache in the body. so unfortunately that currently means i'm limited in expression, as well. it'd be nice if i were able to exist without that, too, but. every time i try to be playful or look at something funny i often just end up breaking and switch back to the host, especially if it's typically his sense of humor, since it triggers his memories and conscious. which is even greater, because it's great to know he can just show up and come back any time like it's nothing, even though he can't do anything else for himself, and then meanwhile it'd take me a goddamn hour to feel like i'm even real. and it just makes it kind of. depressing, i suppose. (let alone the fact that i have to force myself to leave or pretend to be him around others since i'm not the remotely entertaining, interesting, or fun to be around. i'm good for handling stressful serious situations, and that's about it. it's a blast, really.)
well.
i didn't expect this to turn into a full blast rant but at least i don't look like the only one doing this.

Say it how it is Colin and put her in her place. You don't owe her anything right? She owes you because she's the mother You're bigger and better than she is. Make sure she knows it. When my mother ever steps out of line, which she doesn't much anymore, I threaten to knock her out. It sets her straight nice and quick.

Sorry to hear that Ceboidea. Perhaps try and build some muscle in your system and practice switching? I dunno, just an idea.

L

if you had to ask someone for help because of a system problem
and there are these options
1) a T you see once a month who never writes back but he knows all about the system development and a little bit about dealing with a system
2) a T you see weekly but she doesnt know a thing about DID, never heard of anyone in the system, kind of pretends that she does and shows some willingness to "try"... she is the one responsible for us.
3) a former T who has rough knowledge of the system, pretty good experience with treating DID but he is not responsible for you at all and he could be considered to be messing with someone elses therapy methods if he responds, it would def be outside the usual therapist relationship boundaries if he responded...

would you try to make it work with your current T? dump the whole system history on her and hope that she actually knows a little bit about what she is doing?
technically its the right thing to do. but truth is, we need help. and she doesnt seem like a good source of help right now. more like a long-term project of explaining stuff to someone who is a little slow...
none of the options look promising to me. one doesnt respond, one is probably not supposed to respond and the last is just freaking unexperienced and probably doesnt know how to respond...
any advice?

Hi Annett,

Well cr*p! I don't see any good solution. Can you do a combination of Ts and work on different things? Any other Ts available? How about a university training center? Institutes?

Our system is going into stealth mode because Host's mom's coming to town soon. Staying hidden makes it hard to work together. It's like when we were living at home. Everybody in different rooms. Makes me realize how far we've come. I miss talking to Host.

Colin

Asti and Mike said we should do what is "right" and work with the T who is responsible.
so i threw the whole mess at her and hope that she will back out and send us to see someone else who knows what they are doing.
changing Ts is always difficult with the insurance and the only way to get someone better is when the current T gives up. so i made sure to make it sound just as bad as it is and hope she gets intimidated.

why is that mom coming to town? we all agreed to keep family on a safe distance. took some time to get thru to L with this but life is so much easier for all of us now. no fake responsibility. we dont owe them nothing.