How are you today thread (trigger warning)

I've been dissociating on and off since yesterday. I'm struggling to not get lost in my thoughts. People around me feel tense.

I made some realizations yesterday about someone trying to communicate with me, and I think someone else is trying to make contact today. Lots of thoughts about four years ago.

Trying not to drift off...

Today I am all fired up!

I just read yet again that time from first contact with mental health services to diagnosis of DID is "on average 7 years". That 7 years comes from an old paper. Is it still 7 years? Let's find out!

Check in: Time to diagnosis?

Some of you know the story of my last T and the pain caused when we ended things. Has taken 6 months for littles to stop pining but we have finally got over wanting to write to him and tell him how much we miss him and now it is happening all over again.

Short synopses of last few weeks - Crisis team involved as GP became concerned for our safety - saw community nurse daily for 1 week. Often different nurse but most frequently K who reminded us of former T in both looks and sense of humour. Passed on from crisis pretty quickly and although we realised we were getting attached felt we were coping ok. Being seen 2 x weekly at moment by 2 other nurses who are very nice but today one of them was otherwise occupied and to our surprise K turned up instead. We were blown out of the water, managed to get through the meeting (they are just really checking up on us to make sure we are safe which we are, I think. After being relatively 'rational' throughout as the meeting came to a close we imploded - split between uncontrollable tears and a adult saying 'I have to tell you K that you remind us of our former T and someone here is devastated that when I leave today we will not see you again, someone in here really likes you' (dissolves into tears again). I requested that he leave the room prior to me leaving as I did not want to break down in the corridor. I also explained that I was aware that the depth of the feelings currently being experienced felt completely out of context with the 'here and now' situation. Massive massive feelings of abandonment alongside massive feelings of euphoria like we are in love all over again.

LittleMie, wow. Wow. Well done. You allowed the feelings to come out and you also stayed in your observing self state, you were right on point, and you were even able to verbalize to the current Object (K) what was going on. You were amazing! Did K have anything sensible to say about any of this?

This reminds me of when I used to feel those same painful feelings all the time. It does get better but dang the wait is so long and it is so painful. There will be days when you feel you are right back in it at full intensity, but they come less and less often. Hang in there.

Una+ wrote: You were amazing! Did K have anything sensible to say about any of this?

Thank you Una. I think he did ok. He did tell me that it didn't mean I would never see him again and also that he was supervising the woman who's case load I am on i.e. the absent nurse, so he would still know how I was doing and wanted to know if that was useful. I know we did well but really struggling with a lot of internal confusion now - thank you for your words they are encouraging.

Sometimes I think that in the middle of all this I am blessed with the fact I still have a sense of humour. This morning apart from the usual general have I made a cup of tea or haven't I, how long has this shower been running I obviously switched it on and forgot to get in etc I went to make a cup of coffee. I went to retrieve my cup from the sitting room and walked to the kettle with it in my hand. I put the cup down next to the kettle, got the coffee out of the cupboard and just as I was about to spoon the coffee in I realised that the cup was already full. I had in fact made the coffee put it in the sitting room then carried the full cup back to the kettle without noticing it was full of coffee. This made me laugh a lot.

Another good one was my car buying episode on Monday. I found myself in a car show room about to spend nearly £5000 on a car 'coming to' like waking up from a dream I knew I was having but didn't realise was actually participating in. Realising I had to remove myself from the show room before actually parting with any money I looked at the sales man and said 'I think I am having a panic attack I am going back to my car' (well fielded) to which the sales man said 'Ok you do that I will see if I can get this £99 admin fee waived'....... we did not want the car (or at least I didn't) and we did end up spending 40 mins trying to shake off a state of shock before being able to drive home..... but tip for the future - if you don't like the price of something stating you are having a panic attack may just get you some money knocked off your purchase.

Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Largely of our own making.

LittleMie, what kind of car did you almost buy? We don't know the current exchange rate between £ and US $, so we can't use that as a reference point. But glad that you resisted anyway.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Largely of our own making.

LittleMie, what kind of car did you almost buy? We don't know the current exchange rate between £ and US $, so we can't use that as a reference point. But glad that you resisted anyway.

MDs

Sorry to hear you are so weary. We are too.

The car was a cute little Toyota iq not too expensive around 6250 dollars - am not working at the moment and am just spending some money that sits in the bank. we already have a car that we are trying to sell but the fact is we are just filling in time. I resort to we now because things seem so confusing I don't know who is doing what, we just go from muddle to fixation on something and find ourselves 'coming to' just about to do something totally inappropriate. Thankfully nothing physically damaging although it still kind of feels like we are some kind of self destruct.

The issue is we are missing W. She is our motivating force, she does stuff but it seems like she is asleep. (someone interjecting here saying she is depressed) so we are trying to slowly get her interested in life again. It would seem today that we are heading out to buy new clothes for W and trying to get her to do something creative each day which doesn't always work but the space is there. The trouble with the buying clothes thing is being in busy places is the amount of triggers.

Thank you for your interest MDs.

Our big, good news is that we have had a letter about our new T assessment on Friday. Am aware that W sees this as a life line so might be what has prompted thinking about clothes - we currently have been unintentionally going for the bag-lady/goat keeper look.

little mie we think you have amazing coping skills! a really prescient understanding and awareness and a great sense of humor!

today was a little bump for us. I have spent all the money moving and kid got sick. I had to ask for help to take care of her properly. I needed cold medicine and sickie foods like apples and crackers and ginger ale. I also needed to get my laundry done without dragging her to the laundromat. asking for help is hard for me to do, but when it comes to baby girl I do whatever it takes. I think I am catching it too.

tomorrow we can both stay home and rest and hopefully I will get a little unpacking done.

I had a ###$ up dream but I want to find a dream thread to share.

wishing everyone best wishes and happy Sundays.

Eating disorder is in full force again so I am revisiting DBT. Feeling a constant need for attention and very empty.

Saw two "states" (can't call them full fledged alters) I didn't recognize. One was very confused and not in reality, talking as if they were psychotic and the other was a whiny child.
C.