How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Just feeling a lot of despair at the moment. I know it's because this school semester has been a disaster and I just feel really terrible since I know I can do better. I have in the past but I don't have the same cognitive ability as back then, I feel. I don't know...I'm just not in a great mood...

sorry to hear this semester is tough. I always liked summer sessions because they were short! hang in there.

Cid and Iain hope you are both feeling better.

I think I am going to sleep good tonight. every session T talks about how important body work is. she's always prattle on about paying attention to my body and being present in the body. I don't like doing that because I have some injuries, surgeries, and scars. and stupid old fat body isn't anywhere near as good as young healthy strong body

so anyway. swimming/walking are one of the only exercises I can do. ( because my insides broke and they had to sew em back together and told me not to do anything forever and ever!) so I got a pool/gym membership and today was the first day of swimming before work. I need to tweak my logistics but I can get it into my routine. gah, I tired out so fast. but I know I will sleep good. I can tell my body feels tired but usually only my head feels tired. while I am on T vacation I am going to try to make morning swim a habit and work on my safe place. at first she said it was MY safe place but then she said it was for everybody and now I have to do some renovation because not everybody will fit in my cabin. and now. not everybody wants a cabin. I gotta think of something more better and bigger. now the safe place is just another thing we have to share. pfftt.

--i suggested a holodeck like star trek where we are all together but can choose our own suite. but apparently that just reinforces compartmentalizing. so my idea was rejected.

picking the safe place is a lot harder than it seems. I thought about a ship.... but too many sharks. idk. I am going to work on it. I have 2 weeks to pick something.

i totally agree. body work is essential for us. but we are allowed to lift.
i like swimming too. we got a swim suit that has 3/4 legs and sleeves. dont want anyone to see old scars, def dont want anyone to look at the body.
if you swim with intervalls (like 2 min fast, 1 min slower) you can get more out of the workout.
good job starting all this and doing all the little steps to get there.

did the T say you need one safe place fo everyone?
we dont do it that way. mostly because we sometimes cant feel safe around each other. our (not specialized) T back then said this was the only way to do it...

well....

she said to think of a safe place. so I thought of a cabin in the woods. way, way, way deep in the woods. and I worked on making it. I decided what the porch looked like. where to put the shelves. how to lock the doors. I made a special secret bolt hole in the kitchen. I decided exactly how the wood stove looked. and I made a small cabin.

then this last time she has me close my eyes and go to my safe place. and says "blah, blah, blah, where you and your entire system can feel safe" and I'm thinking. erm. a little too small for all that! so I haven't actually asked. but the teams goal is unity. so, I kind of want to find a safe place we can all agree on. perhaps a castle with a moat?

I think a safe place is ok to do however you want. but for it to feel safe to me. I have to imagine every detail. I have to see it. I don't think I could choose 5 different ones. maybe eventually.. but for now. I want to really work on one. and make it vivid and easy to conjure up. I guess in a way then, I would have 2. my tiny cabin and my something else.

**ok so just really random but it makes me think of that movie fight club and Jack is in his icy cave and he sees his power animal and it is a penguin.**

we started with Ls safe place and she has been using it for a decade now, its so detailed and strong.
later we added a place for littles cause it was needed and it just would not have worked to have them in Ls place.
we sometimes still work on new safe places so everyone can pick what they need for the moment.
but it takes practise and doing too much at once sometimes means not doing it properly... better to have a really good one than many weak.

We used to have separate safe places but these days mostly everybody is in just one. Sometimes Evan needs his castle because he feels safest there but he'd rather hang out with the rest of us. There are some of us that are out in the forest and won't/can't come into the safe place.

Iain

We created a safe place before we even knew that's what we were creating. It's like a campsite with a main hall, common kitchen, bedrooms, field, garden, river and group activity area. It's very detailed and we are very familiar with it, but I think there are still areas I haven't seen. It's very extensive, so that we can all be there without treading on each other's toes, but it's not compartmentalised, either. Everyone has the freedom to go to any spot, but everyone tends to stick to their preferred area.

In a little while we're going to visit Host's mom. We don't like her very much because she manipulates people. But we have to go because she's sick and Host will feel guilty if he doesn't. We've decided to go as a team and try to make it through together. Host promised to stay only one day and not to decide anything while he's there. Should be ok.

Colin

IainEtc wrote:In a little while we're going to visit Host's mom. We don't like her very much because she manipulates people. But we have to go because she's sick and Host will feel guilty if he doesn't. We've decided to go as a team and try to make it through together. Host promised to stay only one day and not to decide anything while he's there. Should be ok.

Colin

take care! family visits can be tough.
do you have a plan in case of emergency?
hope your host knows that just enduring something to be able to say "i made it thru the day" isnt always a healthy choice...

I am angry. I am also editing my post because I don't know how many rules I just broke posting. Sorry