How are you today thread (trigger warning)

MakersDozn wrote:Thank you, BeccaBee and Sea and everyone else who's posted support.

The others say that part of this may be hormones. By technical definition, we're done with menopause, but the hormonal and mood swings don't just stop just because monthlies have stopped.

I don't want to be. I will be, because the others in here want to be. But reality is coming together for me personally on so many levels, and I want to go back and hide in my own little world. I can't anymore.



Charity

Hi Charity,

I don't know what to say. It's ok what you are feeling. Not wanting to be. I have felt like that a few times in my life. I can't imagine what it is to feel like that for longer. You are very brave and loving for wanting to stay for the others. You deserve good moments.

I just can say right now that you matter to me, and that any time you feel like talking. Feel free to PM. ok?

Sea

I'm almost scared to post because we feel so very confusing that people may not understand us. That seems to be the way life is going lately. We are confusing, even to us.

We were doing really well for a good while. Moving forward and stuff seemed really calm. We joined a gym and were actually using it. Started the process to apply to go back to school. Then in T we started talking about the inside need to to just be more "real" with our husband and such and stop this constant feeling of having to act around here. And, that started the downhill slide. It didn't help that we've had two weekend out-of-town trips and a trauma anniversary over the last two weeks.

We can't seem to get our crap together and use the coping skills we had started using before. We've fallen into this depression/anxiety hole. so much so it is even annoying to us. We really hat feeling so non-functional and useless.

Very good today. ^_^

Which, of course, makes me feel like I'm faking. Because people with real mental struggles don't ever feel normal and okay, right? That thought is so typical me, I almost want to laugh.

I'm just taking things one moment at a time. Too hard to do anything but. Right now, right here, I'm OK. I can feel a buzzing under my skin that tells me if I leave right now, that I'm not going to be safe. But that's OK, because I can just stay in this moment until the danger passes.

Hearts to everybody! Love yourself, always!
Just found myself in a chat about baptism and noped out again. It's too black and white for this all grey girl.
I have fish and they are probably one of the longest standing happy things in my life; there are people who have trouble keeping fish alive but for some reason I've never had troubles doing so; and even though the ones I have are just goldfish, they're my little piece of things that are right in the world

Coming out of our funk. We learned some really important information about our community and what happened to the last primary host and led to our disintegration and diagnosis. Anger led to the knowledge being shared internally...although we won't share it with our husband right now. It also, I believe got us over the hump where we kept pretending to be Eve around him. We are done with that.

We went back to the gym for the first time in over a week and spent 45 mins interval training then went and got our hair cut (like 8 inches) and bleached from brown to golden. This hair cut better fits all the rest of us and is not at all like the way Eve liked to wear it! It feels good, freeing.

tired, restless and angry with this pityful impression of a life.
fighting the small beginnings of denial. seems like that can hit anyone really.
i feel like i could eat all the time.
thinking about the future is quite overwhelming.

Colin and Sea and anyone else, thank you for your support. Last Friday night was Passover, and we were drained after spending four hours with our sister-in-law's family. They're good people, but socializing is very draining for most of us in our system.

Saturday was hard, and Sunday was harder. But today we managed to focus on sorting through and disposing of quite a bit of old paperwork. Those of us who have issues are working on them. Sometimes, though, one person's step forward triggers someone else for one reason or another, and then we have to deal with the fallout.

I've realized that I went overboard in trying to reclaim pain that had originally overflowed from me to others in our system. Sometimes other people's pain is really their own. It's hard to know the difference sometimes. But we're already confused about so many other things that one more source of confusion won't make a difference.

Charity

Hi Charity,

I'm glad to read you. Socializing can certainly be draining.

Wishing you better times,

Sea

birdsong87 wrote:tired, restless and angry with this pityful impression of a life.
fighting the small beginnings of denial. seems like that can hit anyone really.
i feel like i could eat all the time.
thinking about the future is quite overwhelming.

I feel as similar frustration. Impatient; I want things now...but just because life may be slow, doesn't mean its not where you need it to be. I know the darkness within; do you? And sometimes the playing pretend at not existing goads...but what's best for the system?