How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Aw, man, a lot of struggle going on for people today. And health stuff. I hope we all get a little peace soon. BeccaBee, we're vegan if you need any help with adding greens and veggies in your diet. Too bad I couldn't just share my salads with you.

I'm tired, should go to bed. I'm so fricking lonely. I have therapy in the a.m. Every time I'm go I'm Mr. Scientist: "Oh, I have DID, how interesting. But it's all under control. No feelings involved, yes, how amusing." A waste of money. Got to get ready for kids' birthday party this weekend. It could be fun if I can just avoid thinking of anything else or making any connections to my own childhood. I'm sure other alters will be involved.

I have way too much going on. i don't like being this busy. too much to do always!

don't know where or what I can cut. but I am tired of always go-go-go-do-do-do. we need a break. and I don't know how we are going to get it.

crazy tired busy.

laptop is running. 2 cats went missing. 1 came back. 2 out of 3 cats ain't bad. the one that missing was a queen/bitch cat anyway.

phone screen/interview with a recruiter for a job in major metropolitan area in PNW tomorrow. trying not be excited. such a slim chance. job hunting in cities continues.

cleared my schedule for saturday. going to have a pajama day. minus 3 days to PJs.

patting myself on the back for eating healthy. angina scared the $#%^ outta me!!! packing breakfast, lunch, and dinner on my way out the door. mama ain't playing on that fried $#%^ no' mo'!

I am wondering if there is a difference in running from your life and leaving the past behind you. (?)

can't help thinking how nice it would be to not run into my exes anymore. or their moms. their siblings. their new wives. etc. just a new place. new parks and trails and museums and theatres and views. new horizons. new opportunities. just new would be good.

Nervous and anxious about our upcoming T appt. The T doesn't specialize in DID nor does she think it exists really. It's time that I got us out of our situation and I need help, and I don't like asking for help. And Junebug threw up on my shirt twice... He better be glad he's cute cuz that stuff is just gross. Been fronting since yesterday really because Raven needs a break and needs to be protected, as do the others.

Hi BeccaBee,

BeccaBee wrote:I am wondering if there is a difference in running from your life and leaving the past behind you. (?)

If you find out, please let me know. I'm tired of having bad dreams where I'm running from something or someone.

Charity

I get frustrated when B makes these kinds of decisions. because of wanting. and the logistics are something that "will just work out".

well, that's not really true. it doesn't just work out. I have to work it out. and it isn't always easy. now she wants to move to the city. I just found us a sweet house. like two years ago. it's the best place we've ever lived. things are so stable now. why? I mean...yeah. we all hate the job. like. WE ALL HATE THE JOB. das true. but damn. I like the stability we have. we don't have money to move. we don't have time to use to miss work to go to interviews. and we will in all likelihood also hate this jobs. what we need is high speed Internet here so we could keep this house and work from home.

when pigs fly, I know.

anyway. I am RT. I have never posted on the forums before but this is how I feel. I handle a lot of the work. and #######4. and this plan to get another job and move sounds like a lot of extra work and #######4 for me. I don't like it.

Hi RT,

I'm Iain. I'm glad you wrote. You made a lot of stability happen. That's important. I work on that for us too. Colin's more like - Take it apart. It's hard to be the one that cleans up and makes things good.

Keep going.

Iain

Here's a look into my crazy so far.

https://youtu.be/0tITzDjPf4g

And my day today.

https://youtu.be/d4CQkG-dBZk

I'm angry at the host's lack of action. We've been stuck in this situation for almost twelve months and there's been no progression. He's come a long way in his mind and he's accepted us, mostly. But that is no justification for getting nothing done.

He won't even let me take over to do it for him. He still resists too much because of this and that reason, but it's all excuses. He needs to start taking more responsibility and start getting to work on fixing this mess.

He needs to at least start!

-C

It's been calm today. Howl hasn't said much, or hasn't even wanted to write in my journal to me. I assume he's relaxing before the stressful week.

My best friend is coming down from Tennessee and should be here Wednesday. I'm honestly terrified because it's been over a year since we've seen each other and Howl has made it clear that he doesn't like my best friend. When my bestie and I last got together, my DID wasn't a think. I'm not sure if it wasn't even a thing with me then, or if I didn't even know I had it..but now he knows and I'm nervous.

Currently wondering how to spend the rest of my night. Should I write my new story, or go back to playing FFXIV. If I can't make up my mind I'll just sit here aimlessly browsing the internet until bed, then I'll be depressed because I didn't do anything... Then Howl will pester me about how much of a pain I can be. I don't want this day to end.

-- Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:59 pm --

It's been calm today. Howl hasn't said much, or hasn't even wanted to write in my journal to me. I assume he's relaxing before the stressful week.

My best friend is coming down from Tennessee and should be here Wednesday. I'm honestly terrified because it's been over a year since we've seen each other and Howl has made it clear that he doesn't like my best friend. When my bestie and I last got together, my DID wasn't a think. I'm not sure if it wasn't even a thing with me then, or if I didn't even know I had it..but now he knows and I'm nervous.

Currently wondering how to spend the rest of my night. Should I write my new story, or go back to playing FFXIV. If I can't make up my mind I'll just sit here aimlessly browsing the internet until bed, then I'll be depressed because I didn't do anything... Then Howl will pester me about how much of a pain I can be. I don't want this day to end.