I've been pretty stable the past few days. Today she told me something that should actually trigger me and it did, but I was able to control myself. She's met a person there that she likes and who she's talking to most of the time. My fear of abandonment should kill me right now, but it doesn't for some reason. Moment of clarity? I don't know.

I learned something. It's good that she has a person there that she likes and who she can talk to. It will help with her moods and she'll feel comfortable there. As a consequence of that our communication will improve and things will get better overall.

If she really cares about me and if she really loves me, I'll still be her priority. I shouldn't try to force anything. I shouldn't try to forcefully make her „prefer“ me. It should happen automatically if she thinks I am the right person for her and if she values me. It's some sort of test.

If she starts neglecting me or prefers that person over me, then that's fine. It's okay. Because it's just a sign that you're probably not the right person for her. And when you're not the right person for her then she's not the right person for you and you should move on and find somebody that will love and appreciate you just for the way you are. Don't try to pretend to be someone else and don't try to act differently just out of fear that she might lose interest. If you have to do that to be attractive or interesting to a person, then that person doesn't deserve you.

Will she abandon me or will that person replace me? I don't think so, nor should I be afraid of this happening. I can't do anything about it anyways.