I've been thinking about this alot. She's been going through a tough time and when it got really hard I couldn't be there for her. At times I made it worse.

Should I feel guilty about that? That I wasn't able to be a good "friend"? That other people probably did a better job at it? I thought about this alot and came to the conclusion: No, I shouldn't.

I am a human being. I have character flaws. Some of them are pretty severe. In the past few months I strived to be perfect and a lot of times I had the impression that I was. But I shouldn't hold on to that belief or ambition, it's just not healthy.

I thought it was easy to be there for her even in the worst times. I promised her that a million times. But it's not, it really isn't. When people are suffering, their behavior is inappropriate at times. You have to give the person alot of love without getting much love back. And that's hard and exhausting. People might not always appreciate your help, they might not always appreciate your presence. Sometimes they want to be alone and sometimes everything you say makes them feel worse even though you had the right intention. You have to take a lot of sh*t from them. But they'll be thankful for it. And they probably are already, but they're not expressing it.

It's important that I shouldn't try to understand everything all the time. Sometimes you just can't. Especially human behavior..

So no, I shouldn't feel guilty. What's important is that I tried as hard as I could. I failed at times, but that's human. I can only learn from this and be a better person in the future.

*Edit: Well, I should feel guilty about some of my behavior. I made mistakes and I'll work on myself to not do them again.

I think a balanced approach is the right choice, and it seems that is what you are learning. Guilty is not a good word. If you made a mistake apologize for it, if you think it's the right thing to do. Learn from it. At times it isn't one person's fault. I don't think it is helpful to overthink things. Try and make it a point to bring peace to a situation that is out of control.

There have been times in my life where I have apologized even though I wasn't at fault, just to bring the peace. But there have been times where I felt the person needed to hear what I had to say even if it wasn't pretty. Conflicts cannot always be avoided, but they should be reflected on to the degree that one can sue them to change for the better.

I will say however, if you know you are going into a tense situation in which you know that there might be tense emotions, then you should try and know whether or not you can handle it, in that moment. I know it isn't exactly the same, but when I go to see a hospice patient who is dying, I am there for them and the family - nothing for me. Whatever I have to do, I do. If I spend the night with a grieving family, I don't expect thanks - nothing. I am not a saint. I can do it because I know what the environment is like. I'll get some back on my birthday, when I hang with friends.

I think these questions you are asking yourself will help you understand things. Try not to think black and white. And don't try to figure things out exactly. You'll do fine if you commit to learning and growing. Cheers - Otter.