When I started my journey to find help for my disorder I was shocked to find out how so called normal people viewed others with a Personality Disorder. I saw things on the net that painted us as evil monsters. I just wanted to let people who may not stuggle with these issues know that it is harder for the person with the problem. I know for myself I just did not wake up and knew that I had a problem. These things happen over a period of years. I remember feeling so much anxiety and had no clue that was the problem.In my teenage years I had so much fear and I still do but back then all I knew was something was wrong but what. I dated a guy with Antisocial Personailty Disorder. Yes he was a lier, a theif and a criminal however, when I learnt about his history I realized that he was a very hurt soul. He did what he did because others hurt him. He did not have a lot of close friends and even his family hated him. I guess what I'm trying to say is people need to be a bit more understanding to individuals like these. I'm not saying be stupid and get taken for a ride but what I am saying is please don't paint other human beings as monsters.

Geneva

Responding to people; that is where Im headed. PTSD gets in the way when up close to people! Im getting to the point; better people are necessary in order to have a full life; better quality people; thats been the problem! I have not trusted the concept of better quality people; I thought I would not be accepted! Ive been around " better people" before; it turned out to be a bunch of upper middle class filth; no respect for anything; the same scum that would sell out arms to armies fighting their own people/soldiers; same kind of turn coats! filth! worthless!
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What does better quality people look like; I have to define it! and align it with God; genuine people, real people, kind people; people that know their purpose? not sure yet; educated people! yes? dont know yet! Ill study it and come up with it! And Im afraid it will be the same for women! I have to find better quality women; or have them brought to me by God!

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Most of the problem Im having with women; their 2 faced and infidelity! These are not traits of a relationship! This is an unsuccessful approach to relationship life; Im not suggesting women that want to sleep around are bad; not my business! I would love to sleep with every women I meet; I understand! However, I would not want someone like that for a serious relationship! So; I must find better people; people of a higher frequency!
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I have to become the quality Im looking for in others; This is not easy!
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ITs hard; this gap! I have to work on it! keep working at it!
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If I cannot trust a women; its because other behavior! I get disappointed! 7 billion people in the world; 3 1/2 billion are women; I must work with God to get them to me or me to them through new journeys! Ive got to look at what Im looking for in people!
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Ive got to really assess what Im looking for; its driving me crazy! Im Oke with this; being crazy! I shave allot of work to do rebuilding my life!
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Ive felt so alone; but; I have a developing success base of understanding and thinking! So; Im stronger and must work with God to manifest what I want!
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Responding to people means being free to open up to people and respond to them without shame or guilt!
Ive felt horribly ashamed of not having enough money! enough to do anything with my life! This is horrible; Ive had to depend on people for things; I hate it! So; I must work with God for my freedom! Feeling less then around people; the solution is to have a family and enough money to do the things I want to do without others involvement; others meaning the outside world!

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I kiss up to survive in the outside world! and I dont want to think this is the only way I can live! I would like to define something better for my life and align it with the universe !

Hi (WARNING. My language is not great because im from sweden)

What is the difference between hocd or being gay?
I think I have hocd but last night I red the differences about hocd fears and being gay fears
and all forums said that gay people only scared that what others would think about them.
And the promblem is that when im around my family members, friends and girlfriend, I feel like im lying to them and when i see new people, I always think "Ok you are nice to me now but how would you think/threat me if i was gay" and feel like i have to scream that "im gay" and get huge anxious. When my hocd suddenly started I didnt sleep at all that night because i thinked that I cant be gay and didnt know what is going on. And also thinked that what is killing me still is that "WHAT OTHERS WOULD THINK ABOUT ME" and that is bothering me a lot

I have had little fears of being gay since 9 or 10 years old when i found out what "gay" means and feared "what if i am gay what others would think". But at the puberty i was pretty confident that i'm straight. And even before puberty i had no interest about gay stuff.
And to this day i have been in relationship abt 9 months and before hocd suddenly hitted me I loves my gf and still liking her a lot. Anyway i have always liked girls, watched lesbian/straight porn, want allways to have sex with my gf, have crushes only for girls.
Help me

For understanding exponential features of a radial curves why not roll round a spiral piece fit. Like there are many types of spiral there are many spiral piece fits. That also can be lined up with point to point curving.

This week has been pretty tough.

It was a long weekend and so all 4 Children were home the whole time. I am having issues with one of my Children (the 11 year old - technically the middle Child) and he has been really testing my patience. Going on the next door neighbour's roof and adjusting their Satellite dish, jumping off the hot water unit, whinging about cleaning and believing that other people should do it for him as he doesn't like to clean. It's been awful.

In desperation, I called my Mother and asked if she could have him (not the other 3 - just him) for the weekend as my Husband was having Surgery on Wednesday and I honestly didn't think I could make it through another weekend with his $#%^ without totally losing it. My Mother (who is 'retired' and hardly has my Children - her only Grandchildren) said that they couldn't as they were going away overnight camping. I told her that I was going through a really tough time (although she already knew this) and basically begged her to take him. She told me that she'd ask my Father but because they had a new Camper they wanted to take it away and needed a relaxing weekend. I spoke to her about my intention of going into Hospital as soon as my Husband was better after his Surgery and told her otherwise I'd be waiting until January to see my Psychiatrist. She didn't say much but my Father did.

The only time my Father rings me is if someone in the family has died, my Mother is in Hospital or if he wants to tell me off about how I have spoken to my Mother (my Mother has the talent of making things 100 times worse than they were). He told me that he thought it was stupid that I was going into Hospital. He had a go at me because I don't have a routine that I can stick to. He challenged me about what I do during the day given the fact I've been off work for the past 11 or 12 weeks or whatever I'm up to now. He told me that I never used to cut myself as a Child but I'd made up memories to replace things that I couldn't remember. This hurt as that is not true. He said they'd notice if I had cut myself. They KNOW that I had problems. They took me to so many places to see what is wrong with me. I had every type of test that you can think of. I was admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital at the age of 15 because I wasn't normal. He told me that I just need to stop it (self harm) and that I am over reacting to the situations that are presented to me. Oh, and he told me that they wouldn't be taking my Son even though I told him that I needed a break. He said 'as you know, he is very high maintenance'.

Throughout this whole conversation, I was in tears. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know until afterwards but I had scratched my arm with my fingernails until it was red raw. It is all scabby now and felt like sunburn. I had no idea I had done that. It took me about an hour to settle down

About half an hour later, my Mother phoned and said that they'd have him and my eldest. My Husband said no not to worry about it. This happens all the time. They upset me and then they suck up. It's $#%^. And it's not a game I'm prepared to play with them.

I had my Psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday for my workers compensation claim. My Employer has responded. I am not going to read it as I don't want it to upset me. I'll only read it if my claim is rejected (which I HOPE it's not). At the moment, I wouldn't be able to stand reading negative things about me and I am sure that's what it's filled with. I've asked my Psychologist to read it and have requested that if anything needs to be addressed that she let me know and I'll do so accordingly but I have no intention of reading it. The rejection and humiliation would be too much for me to take right now.

My Husband is recovering from his Surgery well. I feel like I am looking after 5 Children and he hadn't thanked me until today for everything that I have been doing (which is a hell of a lot). He knows that I wanted him...

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