Well my last post was in the BP Forum and it was a topic I created I had a great many doubts about posting it in the first place and now that it's out there not so sure it was the right place for it cause no one has said anything 37 views later. Which is understandable... whatdya say if you don't relate or think it has nothing to do with the forum?
I need to talk about it maybe to a therapist would be better but but there's too much ethics involved and mine doesn't have children. So it's more of a reaction then a judgement call for her...
But enough of this depressing matter I really honesty came to this forum for BP and BPD and now have discovered IED and will be talking to my doctor about that I assure you...
I have always loved writing my thoughts and sharing my experiences I hope that someday someone can learn from something i've wrote.
I don't know when or if anyone will see this as I have no friends yet but like I said I like to write so I guess I'll just keep on keepin on.
$ev

My little sister is 4 years younger than me. She has a wonderful life. Our mother is quite liberal and lets us do whatever we want, providing its within certain boundaries (no drinking under-age, no drugs, no sex under-age, be a nice person, don't lie/cheat/steal etc etc)
My sister has a very active lifestyle, just now I helped her pack for a night out with her friends. They are going to a battle of the bands. They were excited about going, with all of their friends.
I'm happy that my sister is happy and healthy and enjoys things in her life.
The problem is I'm the opposite. I'm not happy and healthy, nor do I enjoy life.
Until recently, I was just like her. Even more outgoing, I'd go to clubs with my friends, drink and spend time with my boyfriend. I had a job, I had money and I had my education (the most important thing to me) That all changed.
I can now go for weeks without my phone ringing and even when it does, it's either my mum, dad, sister or my doctors. I don't even both going on social networking sites because most of my so called friends have deleted me from not just their virtual online lives but their real life lives too. I have been deleted completely. Sometimes, I hear people thought I'd dead. They didn't even bother to see if I had died or not. I do think that if I had died, my funeral would be a very empty one.
It's hard seeing my sister be outgoing and have so many friends. I want that. I had that. I lost that.
How do I get over it? How to I even begin to come to terms with the fact that no one cares whether I'm alive or dead?
I'm 18 years old and I have no one in this world. I'm very very lonely.

So our welfare could be more cost effective more helpful and grow with market growth as opposed to a side thought slightly considering the 3rd economy and that area in the public sector in many areas. with the welfare savings currency.
Our international business development groups could bring in quite a lot of money.
We could also aim to be the main global hub for diverse photonic processing and computation technologies. Oh and by the way things are quite stable geologically in the UK and well autonomous is getting better and greener why not build photonic components and chips here in the UK. It's worth more to us than keeping up with the Jones's in some space race.
So while America and China may focus on efficient wide market application we would be brewing around that at a wider field of which some stuff will be cloud or specific other stuff would make it's way from licencing like the ARM licencing model to parts of more mainstream units.
With this extra boost to the economy with welfare costs lower and a big photonic sector we could then Roll out more via issuing reviews to the role out group and upgrading where optimal for all things including the economy.
With a national gambling currency which 5% of winnings is for travel and all public transport winnings.
with better grid storage and batteries even the farm machinery is a lot nicer with the environment.
may be a yearly update foundation course about computation in reality very optimally written so that people leave with a good idea about reality and computation and some insight of how things are moving forward with photonics.

So for the last 5 years i've had a big problem with my weight. In just 2,5y. I gained 45kg. I've been working hard this past six months and now i've lost 20kg. So on my way back.

But what I'm so very happy about is that today, for the first time in 5 years, I was able to buy a shirt from a 'normal' clothesstore instead of one in perticular for heavy people

A big reward for hard work!!!

But there is more to be happy about at this moment.
My employer will contribute to paying my psych when he goes back to his country and my insurance won't cover it anymore. Thank you employer! *bows*. I know I'm very blessed to have such a considerate employer!

And another thing: I did a project at work which was very hard to realise, but everything went exactly as planned and all results were better than expected. I don't deserve all the credit, my projectteam did also an outstanding job. I couldn't have done it without them. It was really great the way things turned out and how pleased people were with the results.

And last but not least: the next 6 weeks i'm going on different courses which are all cool and very interesting.

I feel blessed today!

Thank you so much for all your support while I have been feeling wobbly and particularly Friay night. I appreciate it so much and you helped me not hurt myself - that means a huge amount as I have worked really hard to get where I am.

I have reasons not to do it and I preach about most of them on the SI forum, but a new one just hit me. I just received a phone call asking me to locum and I had to say no as I was off sick. I felt bad doing that as I wanted my old life back - well the work aspect of it anyhow.

If I am to get back to work I cannot go down the route of self harm. There are other reasons too, but this one is sticking with me atm so I am going to use atm mainly. Tho I wont forget the others too.

Thank you again for all your support.

I hope you are all well

Cracked